I Finally Sat Down And (re)watched The First 3 Seasons Of Stranger Things. I Love The First Season, The

I won't let him try the hummus I bought. In fact, I put him on the couch from my desk and this is how he's been for 5 minutes. Every once in a while, he'll turn and stare at me until I look at him, then quickly turn back around to put his back to me again if I do look his way.

2018 was not so much a quantity year, but a quality year imo. I started doing so much better.

me: i love songs that are deep, hold meaning, tell a story, create elaborate images in my mind and move my heart while making me consider my own existence.

also me:

Allergies are kicking my butt. I feel TERRIBLE. My eyes are dry and burning, even after I use eye drops, my nose is BLEEDING from the number of times I've wiped it and blown it, and my throat feels gross... sob. I love spring but THE POLLEN.

i just wanted to finish my recipe!!

Some artwork I did in 2015. It was the start of my digital art hobby.

Blessed Belly Touch for a good week.

I am waning.

I feel as though I am in that final phase of the moon where it begins to vanish from the sun's light and hides for a few days - as if it's recharging.

Except I'm not recharging.

I'm simply spent. I have no motivation, no sense of hope, no desire to do anything... I just want to lay in bed and not exist. I have not contributed anything to the world these last three weeks and I'm on the edge of simply wallowing. I suppose I already am.

I have met obstacles and simply given up, neither going around them or over them. I simply sit down and accept that I cannot go any further, that I can't do anything better, that I'm not making any progress.

It's in every faucet of life. I've let it leak into my main responsibilities, but it started in my hobbies, my creativity, my self-care and health. I've gone back so many steps on simple things I've been trying so hard to do better with.

Drinking water? I gave up and now I'm dehydrated.

Walking outside? I'll just sit at my computer and scroll endlessly, hoping something catches my attention.

Hobbies? No thanks, I'll just sigh and flick YouTube shorts away over and over again.

I'm unhappy with myself. I don't feel good. I don't look good. My mental health is low. I am at a loss of how to pick myself up. I'm hoping my therapy on Thursday helps.

Thanks for reading.

Stop living life as if you are on a timeline.

There is not set deadline for success and achievements.

It is okay to wander and take the scenic route.

Life is not a straight line.

November came in like the first freeze of winter. Beautiful, but cold and frustrating. I didn't take time to prepare for the change of autumn into winter. I didn't concern myself with the shortening of days and the long stretches of night. This led me into a whirlwind of panic and November clung to me like ice.

December won't be "my month", but it will be a collection of days I will work through bravely. I will continue to move forward and I know I will trip and stumble, but I have to keep my head up and I can't let those moments hold me back.

So I hope all of you welcome this final month of 2024 and all of its challenges. I hope you hold onto the happy memories of this year and use them as your strength while we coast into the next.