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- Depression/ is one of the most common mental illnesses in the world, and it’s also one of the most easily missed. While most people would describe it as a prolonged period of sadness, it’s much more than that, and it’s definitely not one you can “snap out of” as many people erroneously think. It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working. To be diagnosed with depression, the symptoms must be present for at least two weeks. Depression can happen at any age, but often begins in adulthood. Depression is now recognized as occurring in children and adolescents, although it sometimes presents with more prominent irritability than low mood. Many chronic mood and anxiety disorders in adults begin as high levels of anxiety in children.

Here are 20 Unexpected Symptoms of Mental Illnesses You Probably Never Knew

- Meditation/ is a practice where an individual uses a technique – such as mindfulness, or focusing their mind on a particular object, thought or activity – to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state.

Meditation offers time for relaxation and heightened awareness in a stressful world where our senses are often dulled. Research suggests that meditation has the potential for more than just temporary stress relief.

Educators, spiritual leaders, and mental health experts have developed dozens of forms of meditation. The variety suggests there is a form of meditation to suit most people, regardless of personality or lifestyle.

Here are a Few Guides to Meditation

‘Final Cut’ black and red

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Saw this on Twitter and needed to share! Covid hasn't disappeared, so please be extra careful if you go protesting! And if you feel ill, please, please find other ways to support the cause until you're sure you're covid-free. If you have covid, staying home can help save Black lives.

Bless these women and bless this article. Read/see more here. 

Funny how gay people are allowed to love being gay but trans people aren’t allowed to love being trans or else they’re faking 🤔

THIS is exactly it. I should have dropped a class after like 3 days it wasn’t even to like a worse class (AP bio to IB bio to take AP bio again next year) but I didn’t because I didn’t want to feel dumb for dropping a class and I didn’t want people to think I’m dumb for dropping a class. There’s nothing even wrong with dropping a class it means you know your limits. But I was so obsessed with seeming or feeling smart that I got myself in trouble that could affect my college chances.

The worst part of being a “gifted kid” is being praised for getting your academic side before your emotional and interpersonal side and then being left to drown because you can’t emotionally understand that you still have value when someone is smarter than you.

I’m a smart kid, don’t get me wrong. I’m taking honors and AP classes, and I could’ve been taking classes at the community college if I hadn’t had a badly placed breakdown.

But I’m about to have a meltdown because there’s a kid in my AP Physics class who’s got a higher grade than I do. I learned how to craft a damn near impeccable lab write-up, and saddled myself with two incredibly smart and focused individuals. But this one guy has a better grade then me and I’ve been sitting here with my AP Physics Mock Test trying not to cry because it doesn’t make sense and I know that he gets it.

I didn’t even sign up for the AP test because I just know that he would get a better grade and then I’d have to scream and meltdown because I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t even know why I care so much! I didn’t even want to take this class! I would’ve dropped it at the beginning of the year but a friend of mine dropped it and my gifted kid brain decided I had to prove it was easy by passing the class.

Why can’t I be okay with not being the smartest? I don’t have anything to prove, I’m already taking advanced classes! I just want to be okay with people being slightly more understanding of a certain subject than I am.

since jk rowling is shitting on trans people once again - in the midst of a black lives matter-lead revolution, of all times - please consider donating to homeless black trans women during this violent, unsafe time for our most vulnerable people. the goal for this fund is almost complete and you can support pride month and black lives with a donation here, no matter how small. trans black lives matter. fuck jk rowling and her terf brain worms.

gofundme.com

Homeless Black Trans women fund organized by Jesse Pratt López

This is fund for the community of Black Trans women that live in Atlanta and are sex… Jesse Pratt López needs your support for Homeless Blac

Prompt: David comes home after he had a really shitty day. Like a really bad day. He comes home to their flat and sees Matteo and is like fck it's already feeling better. And thinks that Matteo is really is home, his comfort and that that boy is his forever. And it's just soft and Matteo makes him feel better and yeah

This was such a perfect prompt, I love that idea, all the stresses of the day just fading away and becoming meaningless the minute he sees Matteo. This is kind of that. The stresses got a bit big so they talk it through but he knew it would all be ok the moment he saw Matteo. And Matteo is just the best most supportive boyfriend ever in this an just always in my opinion. Some angst, but a whole lot of comfort to make up for it

David was done, absolutely done. He couldn’t do it anymore, he was finished, it was over, done. He’d just quit. Just like that. Or… not officially, he’d been about five minutes from walking out when fucking Leo came into the open plan to send him home. Because he was getting too emotional whatever the fuck that meant. 

Fucking Leo nineteen years old and only there because his father had given him the job. No talent, no passion, didn’t even care. David had been there three and a half years and had nothing to show for it. So he’d walked out, with no plan of returning. No plan at all. He didn’t think they were expecting him back so that was that.

Three and a half years. It was only supposed to be a starting point, just a step up for him to get something bigger. He wanted to make real movies not these silly little forgotten videos for mass consumption. They were fun and he would even enjoy it if it wasn’t for the company, the pressure, his bosses. He hated it. Every day he dreaded it, every night he was so relieved to leave.

He got off the bus and stopped dead. Fuck what had he done? He’d just quit his fucking job without a plan or anything. God, what were they going to do? They had rent, bills to pay, food. What the hell had he done? He had no money coming in. He’d just had a tantrum and left. He’d fucked up big time. Now he had to go and explain himself.

He dragged himself up to the apartment, terrified of facing Matteo, of disappointing him. He wouldn't be mad, Matteo was never mad but he’d just made their lives a whole lot harder. And that was devastating. Still, he needed Matteo more than anything right now so he stepped into the apartment and leant against the door. 

Everything felt so heavy and his eyes were burning with unshed tears. He took a deep breath and then another. He tried to calm himself down. He could hear Matteo in the kitchen, cooking him dinner even though he too had been at work all day.

He took another deep breath and headed to the kitchen. There was Matteo at the stove, such a familiar sight. He had his headphones on and was bopping along to whatever he was listening to. David had gotten him a speaker for the kitchen but he tended to prefer his headphones. David didn’t mind, as long as Matteo was singing he didn’t mind. 

Right now he was humming along to a tune David didn’t recognise but he felt a warmth wash over him. Just for a second, he felt like maybe everything would be ok. He leant against the doorframe and watched Matteo, completely unaware of him. Or so he thought.

Matteo looked over his shoulder with a grin. “Hey you’re just in time it’s pretty much ready-” his grin faded slightly as he looked at David. His weak smile obviously wasn’t convincing, “hey,” he said again, softer this time, as he turned down the heat and walked over to him.

And suddenly he just knew it was going to be ok. It was going to be ok. Matteo wouldn’t be disappointed with him. Matteo had been telling him to quit for months, years even. David realised it was fine. Yeah, they were probably fucked, they were probably going to have to live pretty tight for a while until he figured something out. But Matteo wasn’t going to leave. He would support him always, he’d figure out ways to keep them fed, stretch out what they had to make bills and rent. Even if they had to move, no matter where they ended up Matteo was his home.

He just stepped into Matteo’s arms and closed his eyes.

“I’ve had such a shit day Matteo,” he whispered.

Matteo pulled back and looked him over, reaching out and stroking his cheek. “Talk about it?”

David nodded.

“Come sit,” Matteo said.

David quietly followed him to the counter and sat on the stool.

“I made casserole,” Matteo said, grabbing a tray out of the oven where he’d kept it warm. He placed it on the counter in front of David and then grabbed the pot with the vegetables. He grabbed some plates before sitting opposite him and gesturing for David to help himself.

David couldn’t. His hands were shaking, he felt so overwhelmed by Matteo right now. Even though he knew Matteo wouldn’t be disappointed, knew it would be ok, David felt awful. Matteo sighed and got up from his stool, walking round to David’s side and just wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight. “Talk to me David,” he whispered.

“I’ve had the worst fucking day Matteo,” he mumbled.

“Mm?” 

“You know that video I did, with Quinn Mathers, the author?” 

“Yeah it was amazing,” Matteo said, nodding eagerly.

Quinn was a trans sci-fi writer whose work David had been a fan of for a few years. He didn’t even like sci-fi until he read Quinn’s work. He’d started because Quinn was trans and David wanted to support marginalised authors but he got sucked in and now Matteo said he was a superfan. When he’d gotten the chance to interview Quinn he’d almost died. Almost turned it down he was so nervous. Matteo had just rolled his eyes and told him to pull himself together.

Quinn was a genius too, the interview had been amazing. He’d gotten way too much material from it but he was such an insightful and well-spoken guy, all David had been able to do was listen and try not to stutter through his questions.

He’d been so excited to share it. Let people get to know the real Quinn. Share info Quinn hadn’t shared before and David had that opportunity. Quinn trusted David for some reason, liked him and wanted to give him a break.

“They won’t accept it,” David whispered, “said it wasn’t in the tone of the website.”

“Oh fuck them,” Matteo said, squeezing him tight and then pulling back to face him.

“Matteo this meant so much to me,” David said, rubbing furiously at his eyes.

“I know David, I know,” Matteo said. “How hungry are you?”

David felt guilty, Matteo had cooked all this food for him and he couldn’t face it. “Not very, I feel sick,” he admitted.

“Ok let me just put this back in the oven to keep it warm and then let’s go talk,” Matteo said.

David watched Matteo clear everything away, feeling guilty even though he didn’t need to. Matteo wasn’t angry or annoyed with him. Just took his hand and lead him into the living room, drawing the curtains and putting on the lamps before switching the main light off. He sat down on the sofa and David climbed on top of him, Matteo’s arms immediately circling him again.

“But it’s not just the interview,” David said as Matteo settled him on his lap. “It’s everything. Every time I deviated from the stupid boring categories they’ve got me on I get written up. Warned not to break the mould and I’m fucking sick of it. I’ve stayed there because I wanted a job where I can be creative but fuck it I haven’t been creative in years. Matteo, I just churn out video after video about the same mindless shit and it’s the same fucking thing every time and when I want to make a story about something that interests me I’m told no. And then when I try to argue my case they send fucking Leo, the stupid kid to tell me I’m being too emotional. 

“Too emotional? What the fuck! Matteo, do you know what they meant by that? Do you know what they were implying? They knew exactly why the interview was important to me Matteo, how the fuck do they even see me? How fucking dare they? But then I couldn’t help it because I was upset and I was fucking close to tears so maybe I am too emotional but not like how they implied and what the fuck is wrong with emotion? Why the fuck can’t I put some emotion or feeling into my stories? Because the advertisers won’t sponsor it? Get better fucking advertisers and then- and then-”

“Breathe,” Matteo said, shifting them so he was laying on the couch and David was on top of him, on his back staring at the ceiling through his tears. Matteo placed a hand on his chest, just feeling his racing heart, the fast measure of his breath, just waiting, trying to slow it.

“I-”

David gasped, he couldn’t catch his breath. 

“Just breathe a minute. I’m listening, I hear you. I want you to keep going but I need you to breath for a minute. I wanna hear everything but you’re gonna stop being able to talk so just take a minute for me ok?” Matteo said gently, still holding him tight.

“Ok,” David said. He closed his eyes and focussed on the way Matteo was holding him, grounding him, he felt so safe, so comforted. He took a deep breath, then another, relaxing into Matteo.

“Ok?” Matteo said.

“Yeah,” David whispered.

“I’m here,” Matteo said, “I’m listening.”

“I just broke you know? I just called them out on everything. Told my boss he had absolutely no integrity, that people wanted to see real shit so what harm did it do? Why the fuck did we have to censor ourselves to keep the fucking sponsors happy? Did they not want to reach an audience? And he came back and said my views had been so low I had no room to talk and that’s not fucking fair Matteo. Of course, they are low, I don’t get to talk about what I want.

“Matteo they promised me that when we were up and running I would get a queer space to talk and they won’t. They’re not going to. Said there’s no place for it on their site. What the fuck am I going to do? I’ve wasted three years of my life and I don’t even want to do this. I want to make movies and I’m still fucking here and I don’t know what to do,” David said, finally breaking and letting the tears fall in earnest, giving into his sobs. He turned over and buried his face in Matteo’s chest. 

His boyfriend just continued to hold him, rubbing his back gently until he could calm down. “Did you quit?” he asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” David mumbled.

“Good.”

“Good?”

“I’ve been telling you for years to quit David,” Matteo said, stroking away his tears and smiling at him.

“Yeah but I don’t have another job, what the fuck am I gonna do?” David reminded him.

He had to go back. He’d have to go back and beg for his job back. He couldn’t just quit.

“We’ll figure something out,” Matteo said.

David sat up, ignoring Matteo’s whine, not letting him pull him back down. “No it’s not fair, we have rent we have bills, I can’t put it on you,” he said.

“It’ll work out,” Matteo said.

“No-”

“It’ll work out David I have faith in you, you’ll get something else,” Matteo insisted.

“I-”

“And anyway I’ve been saving,” Matteo said.

“Saving?” 

“Like any extra money I had just in case,” Matteo said, grinning up at him.

“In case I quit?” David asked slowly.

“Yeah,” Matteo said.

“What the fuck Matteo?” David demanded, he wasn’t angry he was stunned. He probably sounded angry but Matteo knew him well enough by now.

He obviously wasn’t worried if the way he was just smiling up at him fondly was anything to go by. 

“We’ve been doing ok for a while and I thought you know, you’d be ready soon to make that jump to chase your dreams again. So I’ve been saving. We’re good for a few months, I promise. Take your time, recoup, take a break even. Start working on your own stuff again, write again, put yourself forward for things you want to work on, don’t think of the money for a while,” he said.

“But Matteo you-”

“I know I’m not earning the big bucks like you, but I’m happy at the bookshop, and we’re not going anywhere, people still want books. So let me support you?” he offered.

David couldn’t help it, he started to cry again. That this kind generous man was his boyfriend astounded him. He would literally give him anything. He’d been thinking of him always. Just quietly putting by so he was ready to support him the moment David was ready to make the jump. David didn’t even feel guilty, it was clear this was something Matteo wanted and he couldn’t even argue. He knew he’d do the same if things were the other way around.

Thankfully Matteo was still happy working in the bookstore where his mother had found him a job after school finished. The owner, Anna, was an old family friend who’d just needed a bit of help here and there. After working there about a year Anna’s health took a downturn and she left Matteo pretty much running the place while she recovered. He’d thrived at that and five years later he was still there, working full time, still in charge of everything and doing well at it. 

In addition, he found the time to study psychology part-time, online mostly, a few classes in the evenings. But at his own pace, that was the important thing. So what if it took him five or six years to get his degree? He was studying it because it was interested in it, not for the piece of paper at the end.

The important thing was it all fit Matteo. If he had a day, a week or even months where he couldn’t get up and face the day he was never punished for it. They worked it out, Anna and Marco, the student who worked there part-time, rallying round to make sure Matteo knew he was to take his time, recover and not come back a moment before he was ready.

David could never do that at his place. Wouldn’t even try. He’d caught the flu one winter and had been sent home with a laptop, expected to continue working “between naps” his boss had said. 

Matteo had pretty much confiscated the laptop, told him if he didn’t rest that flu was going to become pneumonia and he would end up in the hospital. He may have been afraid of his boss but he didn’t dare mess with Matteo when he was taking care of him. He was somehow both the gentlest and fiercest caretaker David had ever known. He’d been a nightmare after his surgery overly fussing yet refusing to hug him until the deadlines the surgeon had given him were up. Even though David had been told to judge it himself.

David just sighed. He wanted to be happy with his work like Matteo was. He wanted to be able to come home at the end of the day and relax with his boyfriend not worry about deadlines. He wanted to be creative.

“I… I… I wanna work on my own stuff,” David said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I know… it’s not going to be easy but… I want to, I want to be happy and that would make me happy,” David said.

Matteo nodded.

“Hey, I could always make you a website if you like. I’m not bad, I made one for the bookstore remember?”

David smiled at him, he had made one for Anna, set up a small online shop for her too. Helped bring her into the twenty-first century she’d said.

“But you could start your own like… there are platforms already and I could help you get set up. But it’d be nice if it was your own. With all your art too, that’d be really cool. And you could stick it to them. And you could talk to Quinn, ask if he’d let you put the interview up on your site, he’s a nice guy, he’d get it. Maybe you could just… I don’t know like you wanted to do queer media right? I know the dream is movies but you could start with this… and I know you can make it. It’s not a race, you make such brilliant content it wouldn’t even take long, you’d have a million subscribers in a month,” Matteo said.

David just stared at him. He remembered that time once when he’d said he could go it alone, thought he was destined to that kind of life. How the hell would he have gotten through all this alone? How could he go without this unconditional, overwhelming support from this man? He wasn’t even scared of the future, even if the website didn’t work, even if he never got anywhere, he could just go work at the bookshop with Matteo and be happy. But he would make it, he’d make it because he had Matteo by his side, gentle encouragement to keep him going always.

“David?”

“Yeah?”

“It’ll be ok,” Matteo said.

“I know,” David said.

“You do?”

“Yeah because you’re here,” David said.

It would be ok, always. He would be ok because he had Matteo, he wasn’t alone, he didn’t have to deal with anything alone again. All this time he’d been struggling at work he’d been ok because he’d always been able to come home to Matteo. The moment he’d walked out that evening, even though he was stressed and scared, he’d known deep down it would be ok. Even though he’d been afraid of disappointing Matteo he’d known that was his own view. That Matteo would never be disappointed, that he’d just take him in his arms and make everything ok again. 

No matter how many shitty days there would be in the future, and there would be more, it didn’t matter because he had Matteo, he had a home with this man and he could escape from it all with him.

Matteo and David when Leonie and Sara were calling them: