I Have This Strange Yearning In My Soul. Idk What It Is Or Why I Can't Have It But I Want It. I Need

I hate emotions and feelings, I wish to be rid of those retched things. It's too confusing and time wasting.

kotlc moodboards

okkkkk heres kotlc gang moodboards (like two for each cause two different sides of characters and stufff)

Sophie Foster

Biana Vacker

Fitz Vacker

Dex Dizznee

Keefe Sencen

Marella Redek

Linh Song

Tam Song

Maruca Chebota

Stina Heks

Rayni Aria

(if you want me to go more into detail for any of them lmk :])

Thanks for your positive feedback,my donation link is on my pinned post

Rebloged the post my love, I hope it can help.

URGENT HELP PLEASE DONATE TO HELP MY FAMILY DURING THIS DIFFICULT MOMENTS.

I am Kelly, My family is in danger. They are trapped in a city in Gaza called Rafah. They fled there because my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and the only chemo treatment she could receive was there. Due to a militia that is increasingly taking over the country and bombing hospitals, all of the disabled, sick and elderly had to flea to Rafah to get medical treatment. Hundreds of thousands of Gaza people fled out of Rafah earlier this week after the militia overtook the Gaza military. My family was unable to flee because my grandmother is elderly and sick.

As of yesterday, my grandmother, disabled aunt, aunt who is sick with Malaria and my two teenage girl cousins were trapped at the top of an apartment building that has been overtaken by militia. They are helpless.

My aunts are sick and they have been injured. My two cousins are just children. Please help my family.

TARGET $1250/$15500

CLICK HERE TO DONATE

I just want a mom.

He's my new reason to live

Low key thinking I'm not ready for any relationship other than one with a therapist at this point. I need to get my shit together but y'know I have friends a boyfriend and a bunch of complicated feelings plus the burning want of affection. KMS istg.

I think after graduation I'ma keep a few things and sell/donate the rest and move somewhere and live by myself with a few visitors or smt.

TW for idk depression or whatever.

I hate it. I hate all of it.

I crave connection, I grave love of all kinds, I want peace. I can't seem to have any of it. No matter how hard I try I can't feel romantic love, or even feel a real connection with people. The only time I get something close to that feeling is when I get attached to a piece of media.

I'm so alone but not in the sense that I don't have people in my life but in the sense that I don't have connection. It's like a prison and I can't escape it.

I feel like a monster in chains locked away in a deep dark pit of hell. Maybe I deserved it but I don't know. I just know that my emotions are so volatile that I hate it. I hate me. I hate everything about me, but I don't even know who me is. I hate the way my body is, more than just being trans but also because it's not what I want it to be. I hate my personality because I can't understand it. I hate myself because I don't understand it.

No mather how hard I try I always fall into something deeper then before. I hate it. I'm scared, tired, and fucking angry. So fucking scared and angry.

It's like a wild mutt that bites anything that comes near, threat or not.

I just want to stop. All of it. Just not exist. Not even die just, no existence. I shouldn't have been born, I shouldn't have survived my first attempt at 7, and I shouldn't be here. I should be gone. I shouldn't exist. I'm not built for anything that society sees and being human.

I want to go home. But what is home?

The worst part is I feel guilty for simply existing. Everything I do and feel and think is like a slap onto my mother's face. What's even worse is the fact a part of me still hates her.

It's horrible and I want it to end. I want it all to end. It's driving me crazy. I'm going fucking insane. It's a never ending cycle. It gets better and I think things are going okay and then one thing fucks it all up. Everything slams me down into the floor and I look like a fool. It's like the fucking universe wants me to continuously suffer.

I hate it when people tell me that it'll get better or when religious people try to tell me that I'm gods strongest soldier. I hate it when people tell me I'm strong and brave and all that bullshit. Cut the fucking crap, I know what I am. I'm a fucking shattered mess that's terrified and will cut anything without warning.

I'm mean. I'm scared. I'm tried. I'm bored. I'm empty. I'm nothing. I'm everything.

It's insanity. Just make it stop. Make it all stop. Please. I'm so tired. Let me disappear.