I. I Never Fucking Loved You. I Told You I Did, Told You I Did So Much And I Never Meant It. Told

  i. i never fucking loved you. i told you i did, told you i did so much and i never meant it. told you i’d die without you / didn’t know what to do without you / couldn’t live without you. i lied through my teeth. gritted teeth, red lips, & me, lying to you. making you feel good. me, leaving. making you feel so, so bad.

  ii. i loved seeing you break like that. so willing, so pretty – so desperate to fall in love. so i turned myself pretty for you / nice for you / perfect for you. and then i cracked your spine. sticky, wet tear trails on your rosebud cheeks, gasps as your heart shattered. i never loved you but seeing you wrecked, torn in half? perfect.

  iii. here is the truth: i am a heartless murderer and i get off to destruction. you, wondering: why? asking, don’t you miss me? begging, please? a ballet dancer, spinning around in this web of lies. this web of i love yous. the truth hurts, doesn’t it? here, listen closely, let me whisper this in your ear: i never loved you, but there, when you were lying on the bathroom floor, sobbing—there, i almost did.

CONFESSIONS, by esther liv

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In peace, may you leave the shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, Until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again.

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