How Does One Let Cherry Tomatoes Become A Binge Food

I feel dirty and I don't feel real

Like it seriously feels like being fat is blocking me from actually living and being someone

I know that sounds silly but I can't take myself serious like this

And I don't know who I am if I'm not skinny

hearing "masculine women are not attractive!!" from cishet men is so stupid. like ok bitch. more for me then.

One look in the mirror - and I mean a proper look, not just catching a glimpse of my reflection walking by, no, I mean fully inspecting my body for 5-10 minutes really gets me questioning everything, but it's one of the most motivating things ever, honestly.

Guys im so angry, because I just ate a protein bar as I always do a little while before eating dinner with my family (so I feel more full and won't stuff myself) and then headed off to orchestra practice but then my mom called after me to take my keys with me because...... My parents won't be there this evening.

Meaning I could've easily fasted until tomorrow evening but noo I had to eat that stupid protein bar.

It's fine; I can just run the calories off but it'll still be that I have eaten when I could've stayed hungry 🥲

Part of me wants to get better so badly, whereas on the other hand I want to get as bad as possible

as much as im the main factor of my downfall into this disorder i really hope one day i can recover and truly love myself as i am

was at my friend's birthday party and I fucked up SO BADLY. I promised myself to only eat one slice of cake and a to y portion of dinner today, but then came the evening snacks and all the stupid food and in my head I was constantly like, "I need to stop" but I fucking couldn't and now I feel like the worst person on earth. I woke up to the regret and we're about to eat breakfast, and here's the thing: I never eat around them usually and they keep pestering me with those "What have you eaten today? It's unhealthy" and stuff, and now I completely ruined that. So I planned not to eat breakfast at all, but if I don't eat that now after that fucking horrible binge yesterday... I'm just going to try to go to the bathroom in between and then get away with eating some fruit.

I fucking hate myself.

3dblr is such a helpful community to have, or I can at least say this for myself.

I've learned so much about harm reduction from some of you, as well as what food i can make/e@t without going above my limit.

I know it's obviously a disorder and all of the other things that could be said as a fact, but also I firmly believe that without community, it would be so much worse. All of the acceptance, unwavering support in recovery when people want that, as well as not forcing anyone to do anything. A lot of people don't get that sort of freedom.

I think back at people who lived before the internet who had an 3d, some like; Karen Carpenter (who died from it), Jane Fonda, Sally Field, and even some of our older family members. I imagine it must've been even more isolating, plus absolutely less support and harm reductive information readily available.

While we aren't lucky, we do have eachother, and all of this other insight gifted to us by eachother. All of this proves to me just how important community and solidarity can be.

Was trying to read a book while pacing around my room but a couple pages in I realized just how heavy that thing was like okay, may not be the best to read while walking then, but also how am I supposed to read all that? Ugh

I've been trying to read more lately, because I always thought it was a bit of a waste of time really (I just sit around and do nothing even remotely productive, especially when it's novels I'm reading (I'm trying to get myself a couple scientific books now though so that I'll also feel like I am really doing something for my brain and interests then)) but then I got myself a digital watch and I've really started paying attention to my steps and work outs now and I got the brilliant idea of "what if I read during that?"

My neck is not thanking me. The books are not thanking me. I am NOT thanking me. But it's cool! It's books, after all.

And I used to read a lot as a kid, but that was because I got bullied (especially about my body) and literally had nothing else to do during break time back then because no one wanted to hang out with the fatty kid. Anyway, and that's one of the reasons I kind of stopped reading novels, but now I'm getting back into it!

I know that's a random ass lost but whatever. I don't even plan to write that much, I just wanted to tell you about my heavy book and then the words just started flowing lol

"What do you do in your free time" how do I say "pace around my backyard whilst imagining myself reacting to WL related compliments and situations" without sounding weird

My food scale's batteries went empty and I don't think we have the right ones at home so I can't change them right away 😭

What am I supposed to doooo now I just wanna count my cals