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Nobody's Son, Nobody's Daughter

TW: consumption of alcohol, light daddy issues

read it on ao3

Eleven.

Fall six. Year One. 

The chill breeze of the fall evening nipped at my cheeks and nose. I didn’t sleep much last night, haunted by why my sister is calling me and what she possibly could want. How did it come to a point where I’m afraid of my own little sister? I dress myself in a gray pleated jean skirt, old ripped fishnets that I can’t bring myself to throw away, and a simple white baby tee. I tie the outfit together with my black doc martens that I haven’t worn since college. They’re better than wearing the work boots I bought from Marlon. I make my way towards the bus stop, shuffling as I do. I didn’t realize how tired I was from lack of sleep and working on the farm most of the day. Many people are gathered at the bus stop: Sam, Abby, Penny, Emily, Maru, Elliott and Leah, Shane, and Jodi and Vincent. 

“Are you sure Vincent can come?” Jodi asks Sam with a nervous look on her face, “a metal show isn’t a place for a boy as young as him.”

“The venue is all ages, Mom,” Sam says, “Vincent sits in on band practice sometimes.”

“But you don’t use very nice words,” Jodi says and Sam rolls his eyes and squats down to Vincent’s level. 

“Vince, you know not to repeat the bad words we say, right?” Vincent nods his head.

“Mommy would be sad if I said bad words,” Vincent says.

“Very good and what else?”

“I can say bad words when I’m your age, Sammy,” he continues.

“I know you know a lot of the words to our songs but can you sing the bad words?” Sam asks.

“Not around Mommy,” Vincent says with a head shake. Sam looks up at Jodi with a weak smile, hoping to not get his ass beat. Jodi rolls her eyes.

“Fine. But if a single bad word comes out of your mouth young man, all three of us are going home,” Jodi says sternly. Both of her sons agree and that’s when Sam notices me.

“Hey Farmer! I think this is everyone, let's load up the bus.” Everyone trickles on. Pam, who’s the most sober I’ve ever seen, stops me before I get on. 

“You don’t look so good, kid,” she says. I shrug. 

“Didn’t sleep very well.” 

“Here,” she digs in her pocket and hands me a small energy drink, “drink this. It’ll keep you pumped up for the show.” She smiles at me and we all get on the bus. I sit down next to Sam, across from Jodi and Vincent. I chug the energy drink Pam gave me before realizing I didn’t see Sebastian anywhere.

“Where’s Seb?” I ask Sam. 

“Oh, he decided to take his motorcycle. Don’t ask why, I never know what’s going through his head,” Sam says with a laugh. I thought back to a conversation we had a couple weeks ago and he mentioned he liked to take his bike out at night and ride as far away as he can. It’s probably a good time for him to decompress, forget the constant demands of life for a second. 

“He must already be at the venue,” Maru says from behind us, “he left like an hour before we did.”

“Makes sense,” Sam says, “he likes to be punctual. And he said he would take care of talking with the owner and getting everything set up. Apparently this place is like half bar, half concert venue.”

“We’re going to the Julius, right?” I ask and Sam nods his head yes in response. “I love the Julius! The patio section is screened off but you can still hear the music in the bar. Sometimes I’d go in for a drink and listen to the music inside and if I was jammin’ out, I would buy a ticket and watch them. It was my favorite bar to go to in college,” I say. Plus it’s a Saturday night, people are going to end up filling out the patio. Sam has played me a couple samples of what they’ve been working on and many patrons of the Julius are alternative music fans. 

“Sick! Oh, here,” Sam says while handing me a piece of paper. “It’s the setlist. Those samples I played for you a few days ago, we also played for the manager of the bar. He thinks that his patrons will enjoy it so he gave us an extra time slot.”

“Holy shit,” I say while looking at the setlist, “there has to be like an hour's worth of songs here.” Sam beams at me with pride. The Julius is also a place where producers like to scout out new alternative music. If the band is lucky, someone might want to be in touch with them. We finally arrive at the venue where Sebastian is waiting for us. Abby, Sam, and Sebastian unload the bus while the rest of us trickle inside. I ask Jodi if she wants a drink but she’s ushered out to the patio with Vincent by a bouncer. No kids in the bar except to use the bathroom he had said to her. So I take a gamble on what she might like. She always has a glass of white wine with dinner and I figured a sauvignon blanc would do her some good. I order myself a shot of Jameson and an orange juice for Vincent. Down the bar I see Penny pleading with Pam.

“Please don’t drink too much,” I hear Penny say, “you have to drive us back home.”

“I’ll be fine,” Pam says with annoyance, “push comes to shove, you can drive it.” Penny sighs and marches out to the patio while Pam stays put at the bar. I called over to the nearest bartender and I’m pleasantly surprised when I realized it was Jean. Man, he’s been working here for like six years now?

“Well well well,” he says, “I hear you’re a farmer now. Is that why I don’t see my favorite regular anymore?”

“Sorry I didn’t mention. I kinda had to get the fuck outta here,” I say. He waves his hand.

“Yea, I get ya. What’s up though?”

“Do you see that lady at the end of the bar,” I ask.

“Yea, what about her?”

“She’s kinda my ride… actually a lot of people’s rides tonight. The band playing are some people from the valley so we’re out here to support them. Could you serve her n/a beer tonight and not tell her?” I ask. Jean laughs and pats me on the shoulder.

“Can I charge her for a real drink?”

“Do whatever. I need her blood alcohol level under the legal limit,” I chuckle. 

“Alright. Come back more often, would ya?” he says and we say goodbye to each other. I took the drinks over to Jodi while Vincent checked out the front of the stage, watching his brother and his bandmates set up.

“You’re a lifesaver,” Jodi says as I hand her the wine. I take my shot as she takes her first sip of wine. “I’m a little anxious,” she says.

“What for?” I ask before my tongue goes a little numb from the alcohol. 

“He’s… just not my little boy anymore.” She watches him carefully on stage while he helps Abby put her drum kit together and tune his guitar.

“But wouldn’t you say he’s grown into such a great young man?” I asked her as I also watched Sam on stage, testing the microphones and making sure you could hear Sebastian’s bass. Jodi chuckles a little bit and takes another sip of her wine.

“You sound just like your grandfather.” Jodi and I chat while we watch the band finish setting up. I was itching to hear what they had, especially the one song Sam and Sebastian kept teasing me with. 

“It’s going to blow your mind. Strike you to the core. It took me weeks to get through playing it without tearing up.”

The only metal song I’ve cried to is Fade To Black by Metallica so what could Sam have written that he thinks will give me a core striking experience? I go inside to get one more shot before the band comes on stage. I’m expecting an introduction from Sam but they go right into the music. Sebastian, with his bass strapped on his back, presses a button on one of his keyboards which resembles a faint ringing sound before Abby clashes her symbols and Sam comes in with a heavy guitar riff. Sebastian then slides the bass to his font and comes in with a deep bassline. I search in my pocket for the setlist Sam gave me earlier and find the name of the first song. Artificial Suicide. Sam shocks me with such heavy vocals I nearly drop my shot. I sling the Jameson down my throat as Sam switches up with clean and angelic vocals. I nearly choke. I’m so impressed by the raw talent they all ooze I barely notice anybody moving. Emily is swaying her hips as she stands at the front of the stage but nobody else is moving. I move away from Jodi and Vincent and make my way closer to the stage as the song ends. More people fill in from the bar after that outburst of a song. I find Leah and Elliott with their eyes wide, shell shocked after hearing the first song. Before I can ask them what they thought, the band goes straight into another heavy song. Hypermania is the name I remember reading under the opening song. The three of us watch Sam bounce around the stage before I finally decide that the crowd is too still. I grab Leah and Elliott’s hands and force them to dance with me. I had just enough liquor in my body to loosen me up. Leah, Elliott and I had some conversations at the saloon but not many so I didn’t know them all too well but Jameson absorbing into my liver didn’t care. 

I made Elliott take down his hair and head bang with me as he had the perfect hair for head banging. Thick and wavy and long. I looked around the crowd once more and pouted. It definitely wasn’t thick enough to crowd surf and Yoba I was itching to. My attention is turned back to the stage as Abby and Sam pause for a second and the sound of Sebastian’s bass fills the patio. I watch his long fingers glide across the neck of the bass while his other hand licks the strings near the pickguard. As I stay stunned from Sebastian’s mesmerizing fingers, Elliott and Leah start to dance with each other and I leave them be. I go deeper into the crowd and find Shane in the middle. He’s nodding his head to Abby’s beat. The song ends and Shane looks down at me.

“These guys are pretty good,” he says. I nod my head. 

“You a metalhead?” I ask.

“I indulge.” I give him a shit eating grin and for a second I swear I see a glint of fear in his eyes.

“Should we open up the pit?” Before he can answer, Sam speaks.

“We’re Goblin Destroyer! This next song is about screaming into the fucking void!” and immediately they start the next song. I don’t even hesitate to give Shane a hard shove and he almost loses his balance. He bumps into the person standing next to him who shoves him back to me. As soon as it started people started to fill into the pit, shoving each other and creating a circle. I play in the pit until the song ends. Sebastian throws his bass over his shoulder and takes place behind the keyboards. He starts playing the same three notes over and over and then presses a button which makes it loop. All I want to do is watch him, see what he does differently for each song, especially this one as it seemed a little different than what we had just heard. Unfortunately, the crowd filled in a little tighter and I got stuck behind a really tall man. As I do my best to see around the man, Shane taps me on the shoulder and gives me the universal ‘do you wanna get on my shoulders?’ concert hand gesture. I gladly accept and Shane squats down. I straddle his neck and hold onto the tall man in front of me for support while he stands up and lifts me over everyone’s heads. Now, if I was drunk, this would be the time that I would flash the band my tits but I did not have enough liquor in my system nor would I do my friends like that. Sam comes in with the lyrics but he isn’t screaming. His vocals are clean but the extra microphone he had grabbed from Sebastian earlier must’ve had something to distort and reverb his voice. I needed to ask them how they did that because it sounded so good. 

After that song, Shane puts me down, the crowd starts to get bigger and they start hollering for more. Sam takes a swig of his miller lite and the band recuperates for a second. I feel a tug on my skirt and I look down and find Vincent.

“Hey bud,” I say, “where’s your mom?” Vincent points to the entrance of the bar.

“She went to get another drink. I can’t see Sam,” he says with a pout. He probably saw me on Shane’s shoulders earlier. However, I’m not as tall as Shane so I grab Vincent’s hand and lead him closer to the stage. I shot Jodi a quick text telling her that her son is with me and hoped that she would be able to see him on my shoulders from the back. We found a spot decently close to the stage and I got him on my shoulders. Surprisingly, he wasn’t that heavy. He’s a pretty skinny kid and will probably grow up to have a similar physique to Sam. He couldn’t have been more than fifty pounds, all that work on the farm must be paying off. Sam gives the autotuned mic back to Sebastian and walks back to his own mic stand.

“This is an old one.” And they go back into the heavy stuff. As Sam is performing, he sees Vincent on my shoulders, points to him and makes his hand into devil horns. Vincent removes one of his hands from resting on my head and I can only assume he imitated Sam’s devil horns. I kept Vincent on my shoulders for another song before returning him back to Jodi. Her face was a blush pink most likely from her wine. 

“Thank you, Farmer,” she says, “did you have fun Vinny?” she asks her son. He goes on about how cool it was to see Sam up close and I excuse myself back to the crowd. A couple songs go by and all I’m fixated on is watching Sebastian go from bass to keyboard to bass again and sometimes doing both at the same time. Each song better than the last. I hoped and prayed there was a scout in the audience listening to their talent. If they lived in the city they definitely would’ve been already signed to a record label, album out, and touring by now. At least in my music connoisseur opinion. 

I ended up in the middle again with Shane who was sweating profusely after being in the pit for most of the show. I think I caught him off guard when we started the pit but once it was open he was in there like a fly on shit. 

“Alright guys,” Sam says breathlessly into the mic, “we’re gonna switch it up a bit. This is our newest song as well as our last of the night. And to be straight forward this song is not metal. Goblin Destroyer as a band likes to experiment and write what’s on our minds. This is called ‘Like Him’.” Sebastian fully takes his bass off and starts playing the keyboard. The notes are clean and he plays the same three over and over until he ends with a little chord and Sam comes in with vocals as light as a feather. Sebastian plays a mix of jazz and classical chords as Sam gets through the first verse. Like him. Like him. Like him. Sebastian slides his hands down the piano keys, creating a glissando, and starts putting more passion into the keys. Mama, I’m chasing a ghost. I don’t know who he is. Abby adds a light harmony as Sam sings and the further into the song we go, Sebastian starts hammering the piano keys and Abby comes in with her drums. As the chorus fades out, Sam slips into a guitar solo but it doesn't sound like your regular guitar. It was almost like he was playing the theremin but on the guitar. It was slow but smooth and attention grabbing. 

I couldn’t take my eyes off of them even for a moment. As Sam gets into the second verse, I start to really feel the lyrics. How can I miss something that I never had? I thought about my Dad. I can’t remember what he was like to me before Mom died. I can’t recall a look of pride or love for me. A scowl is plastered permanently on his face in my memories. Everytime he looked at me all I was met with eyes filled with disgust and distraught. I always prided myself on being able to read people well but I could never get a decent read on my father. I never knew what he was thinking or what was about to come out of his mouth. Yet, I missed him. I yearned for the father that he might’ve been when Mom was around. He couldn’t have always been so bitter towards me, right? At one point when I was in high school, he told me he couldn’t stand the sight of me. Is it because I look like him? Like Grandpa? Everytime he looked at me, was he reminded of his own father? What did Grandpa do to make my father hate the sight of his first born daughter? I couldn’t judge him as I also ended up being better off without a dad. I wonder if he thought about how history repeated itself or maybe he didn’t think about me at all. But everytime. Everytime I asked him what Grandpa did to make him so bitter, all my questions were swept under the rug. Mama I’m chasing a ghost. I don’t know who he is. 

As the second chorus ends, a swift movement catches my eye. Sebastian had turned to his other keyboard- the one that plays more electronic notes. He tilts his head to the side, like he’s cracking a bone in his neck then immediately lays down a beautiful set of notes just as Abby and Sam harmonize. The crowd around me starts to thin until we’re left with the people from the valley and a couple of stragglers. I look up at my three friends in awe as they finish the song in an explosion. 

“We’re Goblin Slayer! Thank you!” Sam yells then he, Sebastian, and Abby group hug. I smile and watch them and the rest of the villagers trickle into the bar. 

“Farmer?” I snap my attention to my left where Shane’s standing next to me. “You okay?” I knit my eyebrows together as he takes the knuckle of his finger and gently wipes under my eye. Oh shit. Have I been crying?

“Huh? Oh yea, I’m alright,” I say as I gently pat the tears away, careful not to ruin my makeup, “I guess that last song hit a little close to home.” I force a smile and suggest we go in for another drink. As we do, we walk past Jodi and Vincent. Vincent looked a little embarrassed as his mom stumbled a little bit. She was definitely wine drunk. Shane and I give each other a look and head over there. Shane and I were developing an unlikely friendship ever since that night in the saloon. He’s been giving me tips on my newly acquired chickens and ducks and lately he’s been telling me to raise rabbits as well. 

“Jodi, you alright, hun?” I ask her as I take Vincent’s hand.

“Farmer! Did you see my boy? Did you see Sam? He’s a rockstar!” she says while swaying. Vincent yawns and his eyes look droopy. Shane links his arm with Jodi’s and we make our way towards the bus. Hopefully they’ll both sleep a little before we fully pack up and go. We set them down in their own seats and Vincent passes out quickly. Pam was already in the driver's seat, doing crosswords.

“Pam, do you mind watching those two?” I ask before I step off the bus.

“Of course! I’m the most sober I’ve ever been. I had seven beers and I don’t feel a thing,” she says. I give her a fake smile.

“Well, if it ends up hittin’ ya. I can always drive back,” I say and Shane and I exit the bus. 

“Saw them givin’ her the n/a beer,” Shane whisper to me.

“I told them too,” I whisper back and we share a laugh as we walk back into the bar.

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Nobody’s Son, Nobody’s Daughter

Nine.

TW: smoking

Dear Farmer, 

Tonight at around ten o’clock PM, a rare and beautiful event will take place. The moonlight jellies will be passing by Pelican Town on their long journey south for the winter. We’re all gathering at the beach to watch. You don’t want to miss this! 

See you tonight,

Demetrius. 

My parents would always pick me up from Grandpa’s before the dance of the moonlight jellies. When Mom was around, Grandpa would plead with her for me to stay another night and that he would take me to the city. It was Dad’s rule though. He didn’t pick me up or drop me off and Grandpa wasn’t allowed to come to our home. Looking back, Mom probably wanted me to stay but knowing Dad, it wasn’t going to happen. I’ve begged Dad to tell me why his relationship with Grandpa was so strained but he never went into much detail. “He was hard on me. Just leave it at that.” I would beg Grandpa for answers too. “That’s something for your father to tell you, when he feels ready.” I haven’t spoken to Dad at all since I moved to the valley. I wonder if he feels deja vu.

I’m making poppy seed muffins as my summer flower garden has been more than bountiful this year. I figured a little late night snack would do the town good and maybe improve my friendliness with some of the villagers I haven’t gotten to know that well. I’ve learned that I can’t be cold and off putting like I was in the city. If I want to live a good life here, I have to be like Grandpa. 

“Smells good in here, Farmer,” I recognized Sam’s voice immediately. I’m making a honey glaze for the muffins that are baking in the oven. I look over my shoulder and catch a glimpse of the trio of people I’ve been able to call my closest friends. 

“What have I told you about breaking into my house?” I ask Sam with a chuckle. 

“‘Ts not breaking in if the doors are unlocked,” he says. I shove my mixing bowl into Sam’s hands.

“Keep mixing. I have something for you guys,” I say as I go into the other room. I hear the faint sounds of the wooden spoon scraping against the metal bowl. Sam never fought me on things, I feel like he trusts me or whatever he doesn’t understand, he knows I have a good reason for it. 

“Are you making these for tonight?” Abby asks me from the other room. I find the chest I keep at the end of my bed and pull out three crystals. 

“Yea, I had some freetime. I gotta get people to like me somehow, right?” I say as I reenter the kitchen. I take the bowl from Sam’s hands and set it down. “Alright, close your eyes and hold out your hands.” The three do as they’re told. 

“It better not be a bug,” Abby says.

“I hope it’s a bug!” says Sam. I place a crystal in each of their hands. Amethyst for Abby, Frozen tear for Sebastian, and Tiger’s eye for Sam. My trips to the mines had been successful and I had made my way down to the eightieth floor. It was hard work but I didn’t have much to do besides farm work and fixing up the old community center. The community center was going to take me a while so I figured I might as well slay some monsters and make a profit from the gems I find. 

“Open your eyes.” They do and their faces light up when they see the gems. 

“How did you know I love this?” they all ask. I shrug.

“They just seemed like your vibe,” I said. That was a lie. While foraging, cutting down trees, and just being in the valley I stumbled upon some notes. One was a page from Abby’s diary as I had recognized her handwriting. She mentioned she liked keeping amethyst under her pillow. Another was Sam’s shopping list, I also recognized his chicken scratch. He mentioned that Sebatian liked sashimi and frozen tears. I didn’t know what that was until I stumbled upon it in the mines. I remember Grandpa collecting around one hundred of them one summer and then giving it to Robin. He mentioned she wanted to make a chandelier. Sam was a little trickier though. I was having tea with Jodi one afternoon and she was telling me stories about my Grandpa and how kind he was to Sam. Even after I would leave when the summer was done, Grandpa would still watch Sam when Jodi needed it. One day Sam came home with a large yellow and brown crystal and was so overjoyed about it. He still has the tiger's eye Grandpa gave him all those years ago. 

Abby wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes me. “Thank you thank you thank you thank you!” she says. The boys also nod and thank me. 

“Well, thank you guys for caring about me,” I say, “you’ve made my adjustment to the valley a lot easier.” My nightmares aren’t as frequent, I’m smoking less even though I do miss when Sebastian would brush my lips with his fingers every time he gave me one, and I just feel better overall. 

“Are you going to the dance of the moonlight jellies tonight?” Sebastian asks, “it’s the one festival I actually enjoy.”

“I think I will,” I say.

“Finally! You never got to seem them when we were kids, I remember being sad for you,” Sam says. My kitchen timer goes off. The muffins are ready. I pull them out and carefully dress them with the glaze. Abby goes to grab one but I slap her hand away.

“You’ll get one tonight,” I say and she pouts. 

“Oh! I almost forgot,” Sam says while digging in his pockets. He pulls out a crumpled flyer and hands it to me. “We’ve got a gig next Saturday in the city. Some old songs, some new songs. You should come.”

GOBLIN DESTROYER

Julius Ballroom Patio

Fall 6

6PM

“I can’t wait to go,” I say and place the flyer on my fridge. “I’m glad you got out of your writer's block.” 

“Write what you feel. That’s what you said. I also had help from Seb and Abby so I couldn’t have done it without all three of you.”

###

I wanted to wear something other than my usual farm get-up. Like being at the beach in the rain, there’s something surreal about being at the beach during the night. I took my hair out of my usual braids and pinned my bangs back with a white bow and then threw on a light blue sundress. It was a little chilly out but I felt okay with my arms exposed. Fall is my favorite season and I couldn’t wait for the weather to break. As I step out of my house, I see that Sebastian is waiting for me. I can see I’m not the only one who decided to wear something different. He’s wearing a different pair of black ripped jeans than his usual and is wearing a dark gray button up with the first three buttons unbuttoned. 

“What a surprise,” I say, “what brings you over here?” As I get closer to him, I inhale his scent. His cologne had hints of cedar, tobacco, and vanilla. His lit cigarette added an extra layer of tobacco. He smelled like heaven. He takes his half finished cigarette and puts it between my lips and before I could protest, he swiftly lights himself another one. 

“Needed to get away from my family. I figured we could walk together,” he says as we make our way off my property. He seemed tense and I could tell that he had been chain smoking the entire walk here. “You look nice,” he says. 

“Thank you. So do you,” I say, trying to not let my eyes linger.

“Demetrius wanted to take a family photo down at the shore. When he saw me in this, he seemed pissed off. Before I left I could hear him and my mom quietly arguing. I don’t know about what and I assumed it was about me. I just got the hell out of there,” he says while anxiously smoking his cig. “He’s known me since I was three. He raised me. I don’t understand why he hates me so much.” He kicks some rocks as we make our way through the town square. I wrap my arm around his and lean my head on his shoulder.

“You deserve better.”

“Ah, that’s just shitty father figures for ya,” he says, his mood shifting. I take my head off his shoulder and I see that he’s smiling at me. He knows I get it. We both finished our cigarettes before reaching the beach and I unlink arms with him. Him and I separate. He goes to Robin and I start chatting with the other villagers. When we separated though, it felt hesitant. Like he didn’t want to leave my side. Occasionally, I’d look over my shoulder and catch him looking at me. 

“Farmer!” Vincent exclaimed as I approached him, Jodi, and Sam. 

“Hey kiddo,” I say and reach into my pocket. Yes, my dress has pockets. I pull out a grape and he gasps.

“Wow! How did you know I like grapes?” he asked. Sam’s discarded shopping list. I press a finger to my lips.

“Santa told me,” I whisper. He looks up at me with wide eyes. I also give him a poppyseed muffin and pass those out to the other villagers as well. I look across the docks and watch Haley take pictures of Sebastian and his family. If I’m being honest, I felt a little jealous but I knew not everybody was happy in the family. Could I even create a happy family and break generational trauma? As I start to spiral, Haley approaches me, snapping me out of it. 

“Seb wants a family photo,” she says. I look at her confused.

“Didn’t he already do that?” she rolls her eyes at me.

“Like with you, Sam, and Abigail.”

“Oh.” Yoba, you’re so dense, Farmer. I can hear Sebastian say in my head. I follow Haley to where Sebastian is and eventually Abby and Sam join us. Sam and Abby are on the end and Sebastian and I are in the middle. I’m smiling but genuinely smiling. I haven’t felt warmth from others in a while. I look up at Sebastian, seeing his face flushed out with his own version of expressing happiness. He’s feeling the exact same feeling I am. 

ERE DAY MY BESTIE POSTS IS A GOOD DAY!!!!

Nobody's Son, Nobody's Daughter

TW: consumption of drxgs, smoking, talk of sex

Read it on ao3

Thirteen.

I hadn’t been off my farm for a couple days. The only reason I would leave would be to buy seeds or go forage in the forest. I couldn’t get my mind off of my sister but we called everyday when she got out of school but the phone call would only last during her walk home, she’s afraid of what Dad might say if he knew she was talking to me. I’m collecting eggs from my chickens and ducks in my coop when the door swings open and startles me, making me drop one of the eggs.

“Shit!” I hissed and looked down at the broken and runny egg.

“Where the fuck have you been?” I hear Sam’s voice echo throughout the coop.

“Fucker, you made me drop an egg,” I say while picking up the shell. 

“Are you good, dude? You and Seb disappeared from the venue that night and I haven’t heard from you since!” Sam exclaimed while taking a rag off the wall of the coop and helping me clean up the broken egg. I guess I did owe him an explanation since he is my closest friend in the valley. I told him what happened as we made our way to the farm house. He didn’t say much, only listened. I told him how the last song on his set really hit home and it felt surreal when my sister showed up.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Sam says as we enter the farm house. I set the basket of eggs on the counter and shush him.

“I love the song, Sam,” I say, “and it’s comforting to know that there are other people in the valley that have felt what I feel… It just broke my heart to see that my sister is seeing our Dad for who he is. I hoped that he would be better for her.” I flop down on my couch in distraught and run my hands down my face. Sam, who’s still in my kitchen, stares at me for a while before turning quickly on his heel to my bedroom. I’m shocked by his sudden movements but am too exhausted and overwrought to get up. I hear him rifle through something in my bedroom and a couple minutes later he comes out with my backpack slung over one shoulder.

“Jesus christ this thing is heavy,” he says and sets it down on the kitchen table.

“What are you doing?” I ask while sitting up a little. 

“You’re coming to the sleepover,” he says, “you don’t have a choice. I’ve packed everything for you, except for your undies ‘cause I don’t wanna rifle through that drawer.” I laugh as he rambles and I get up from the couch. I take my backpack from him and empty some of the things in there like my coal, ore, and fiber. I grab a quick pair of panties from my dresser and stuff it into my backpack. 

“You better have not picked a whack ass outfit for tomorrow,” I say to Sam as I pet Miso goodbye and we walk out the door. We took the shortcut up the mountain to Sebastian’s house. “You do sleepovers at Seb’s pretty often?” I ask. 

“Yea since we were kids. Seb has the most privacy and space and Robin isn’t like mine or Abby’s moms, always checking in on us,” Sam says as we pass by the bus stop. 

“What do you do at the sleepovers?” I ask, looking down at my boots as we walk.

“Oh, Farmer, don’t tell me you’ve never had a sleepover before?” Sam asks and I look up at him and on his face is a shit-eating grin. Yoba, he sees right through me. I blush.

“Hey man, with a dead mom and a dad who hates you, you end up being the weird kid,” I say, “besides from my roommates in college, I’ve never had a sleepover.” Sam shakes his head from side to side. “My sister would get invited to a ton.”

“Well, we will sometimes play Solarian chronicles, watch movies, play video games, listen to music, we talk… As soon we all became adults we added weed and alcohol into the mix,” Sam says. 

“It sounds like fun,” I say, “do you all sleep in the same bed?” I ask. Sam shakes his head.

“Abby takes Seb’s bed and Seb and I sleep on his pull-out couch. But now you’re here, so you can take the bed with Abby.” The only other person, besides a one night stand, that I’ve ever shared a bed with was my sister and that was when we were little. I hoped and prayed that my nightmares wouldn’t be bad tonight. After the gig in the city, my nightmares became frequent again and I’ve started remembering bits and pieces. They’re not as clear as the one about the car accident but I know they’re about Brynne. I’ve been thinking about telehealthing my therapist but the more I think about it, I highly doubt Dad has kept me on his insurance and getting insurance as a self-employed person has been hard. I’ve been trying to have better coping mechanisms but in doing so I’ve relapsed on cigarettes. Alex and I chat once a week and my fill-the-void lust feelings have been low but my lungs were not happy with me. I would be embarrassed if I woke up the three of them at the sleepover because I couldn’t get my childish nightmares under control. 

We show up at the house in the woods and walk through the front door. We say hi to Robin as she finishes up some paperwork at her desk and tread downstairs to where Sebastian’s room is. Abby’s already down there, laying upside down on the couch while Sebastian works on his computer.

“Seb keeps saying one more line but then does like twenty more! Sam, pull him out of it!” Abby whines when she sees us. I look over at Sebastian and his eyes run across his computer screen over and over again. I sit down next to Abby and she moves her body to the side so that her legs rested on my lap and her head near the arm of the couch. “Hey girl, I haven’t seen you in forever! I need my fill of farmer gossip. Are you still hooking up with Alex?” she asks. Sebastian’s head snaps up and his candy colored eyes look into mine.

“What?”

“So that’s what gets you to look up from your computer?” Sam sighs and throws his backpack down.

“It’s been a couple months,” I say, “we decided we’re better as friends.” Sebastian exhales then goes back to his work.

“What the fuck!” Sam yells at him.

“You told me you used to fuck around in college?” Abby asks. I nod. Her questions are genuine and strictly girl talk and it’s what I love about Abby. There’s no ulterior motive, she just genuinely wants to have more girl friends and they’re hard to come around in the valley. “You know who else used to fuck around?” She holds her hand up near her face and points in Sebastian’s direction.

“I can hear you, you know,” Sebastian says and then gets up from his computer.

“Finally!” Sam exclaimed while digging in his backpack. “I brought an indica, sativa, and a hybrid. I also brought my extended pack for solarian and Mario Kart, and a couple frozen pizzas,” he says while taking each thing out of his bag. Sebastian gets off his computer and pulls down a sheet and sets it up on the wall opposite of his bed and sets up a projector.

We watched movies, played Solarian, talked, and smoked weed. The only time I stepped out was to accept a phone call from my sister. It was short and quick and I mentioned I was hanging out with friends. Her praise for me making new friends warmed my heart. As I was walking inside, Robin came pounding down the stairs from her room. She’s holding an old photo album.

“There you are!” she says, “I have to show you these photos of Sebby when he was a kid.” She shows me a photo of him with spaghetti on his head, him with a stuffed Jumino, him holding baby Maru, all the classic baby photos. My heart swells when I look at his chubby cheeks. I’ve never been one for kids but I always loved baby pictures of my friends. 

“He’s so adorable,” I say while pointing to a picture of him, Sam, and Abby when they were kids. The basement door opens and Sebastian comes upstairs.

“Absolutely not,” he says while grabbing my wrist. His movements are aggressive but his grip on me is surprisingly gentle. 

“Aw c’mon,” I say as he drags me down the stairs, “you were so cute.” He shakes his head back and forth. 

“What are you saying I’m not cute now?” he quips as he opens the door. Abby with her second-hand high is curled up on Sebastian’s bed watching the projector and Sam’s in the bathroom. I laugh to try and calm down my pounding heart and hide the blush from my face

“Hmm… You’re pretty cute,” I say, “but your chubby cheeks and ginger hair take the cake.” He nudges me in the shoulder and we sit back down with Abby who’s watching Three From Hell. Sam comes out of the bathroom and sits on the bed with us, Smushing me between Sebastian and Abby. Sebastian drapes his arm over my shoulder to get more comfortable and I hook one of my legs over Abby’s as Sam lights up another joint. 

###

I’m jolted awake by whatever dream I was having. My breathing is heavy and small beads of sweat coat my hairline on my forehead. Abby’s still crashed out next to me and I think I see Sam on the pullout bed still asleep. My hands shake as I rip the covers off of me and get up. I dug in my backpack for the pack of cigarettes I had bought at Joja. They were the most disgusting cigarettes I’v ever smoked but they’re the only thing around. Once I secure my pack and lighter and make my way towards the lake. The cold fall air sent a chill down my spine and I wrapped my hoodie around my body tighter. A tall silhouette stands near the lake as well and I can only assume it’s my formerly ginger friend. I stand next to him and light my cigarette. He jumps a bit but realizes it’s just me.

“Can’t sleep?” he asks. I take a long inhale and sigh out the smoke. 

“I assume you can’t either,” I say and take a seat at the edge of the water.

“Never can,” he says and follows my lead by sitting down next to me. We sit in silence for a moment and chain smoke before I break the silence.

“So… you used to sleep around?” He laughs and shakes his head.

“I was wondering the same thing about you,” he says, “Yea, I did. There were a couple of forums online I used to frequent when I was eighteen. Mainly married couples looking for someone to cuck the husbands. Some turned into affairs, others were strictly for fun… I stopped when I was twenty-three after having a really weird situationship with a married woman,” he takes a long drag of his cigarette, “Sam and Abby only know about the cucking. Not the affairs.”

“You lose your virginity to a married woman?” I ask teasingly. He shakes his head.

“Nah. Lost it to Haley when we were fourteen. We’re still friendly, she told me later on that I helped her come to terms with her being gay so I guess it was for the better,” he says, “don’t mention anything though, I’m not sure how out she is.” I wouldn’t have pegged Haley as gay but it made sense. 

“They used to call me the ‘man maker’ in college,” I say, “as I’m sure you’ve figured out I have a guilty pleasure for gridball players and by the time I was a sophomore I had gone through everyone on the team that liked women. I started hooking up with the freshmen and then they started sending their friends who were virgins to me. I didn’t know they were calling me that until I became friends with one of them.”

“Did you lose your virginity in college?”

“Nah, I was sixteen. I was too young, honestly. I should’ve waited,” I said. Sebastian nods his head. 

“I should’ve too.” We’re silent again for a second but this time he’s the one to break it. 

“So… You’ve hooked up with Alex?” he asked. I nod and light another cigarette. 

“Was filling the void. I think he was too.”

“And this was around that time you had the dream about the crash?” he asks me and tosses the filter aside.

“You remember that?”

“I remember everything.” He lays down and looks up at the stars. I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them.

“Do you have trouble sleeping often?” I ask him. He sighs.

“Yea. Not sure why. I do stay up late for work, a lot of my clients are overseas so the deadlines are in the middle of the night…But ever since I was a kid I’ve never been a very good sleeper. I’m sure my mom has permanent bags under her eyes,” he says, “I assume your restlessness started after your mom passed?”

“Yes but it wasn’t just because of the nightmares. Dad took up drinking and would be up all night,” I say and lay back next to him. The stars were beautiful and clear, not like how they are in the city. The light pollution downs them out so much you can barely make out the big dipper. “Do you see any constellations?” I ask Sebastian. The only ones I could point out were the big and little dippers. I didn’t do much stargazing and I regret not asking Grandpa more about it. 

“Um, let's see,” Sebastian says. He looks around the sky and then eventually points. “That one’s Orion.” I scoot closer to him so I can properly see what he’s pointing at.

“The rectangle?” I ask.

“Yea! The three stars in the middle are his belt… Over there is Pisces.” He points a little further west from Orion. I squint and try to follow his finger.

“The alligator mouth?”

“Uh huh. It looks like two fish tied together, right?”

“I think I can see that,” I say and squint a little harder.

“It’s supposed to be her and her sons, Eros and Cupid,” says Sebastian. He puts his arm down. I shiver a bit as a gust of wind blows over us. As if he knew, he wraps his arm around me and pulls me into his chest. My heart starts slamming into my chest and I can’t control it. I know he can feel it, there’s no hiding it. I shiver again but not from the cold. “I’ve always been fascinated with Aphrodite. When I was hooking up with older women and getting into situationships and getting my heart shattered, I wondered if she was watching over me,” he continues. I want to look up at him but I can’t tear my eyes away from Pisces. I always thought that Aphrodite had abandoned me long ago. 

“But isn’t she the Goddess of love, not heartbreak?” I ask. He gives me a squeeze and my breath gets caught in my throat.

“As much as it hurt, I figured she had a plan. Accepting those thoughts helped me separate myself from that part of my life,” he says and moves onto his side to face me. I want to look at him but my body won’t let me. This is the moment I’ve thought about over and over and my body can’t bring itself to pull through. I feel Sebastain’s finger slip under my chin. “After all,” his finger pushes my chin up so that I’m looking at him. His dusky eyes are sparkling in the moonlight and it takes every brain cell I can muster to not get lost in them, “ending that part of myself has brought me here, hasn’t it?” I want to tell him that I know exactly what he means, how I’ve never felt more accepted and understood by a person until meeting him, but his finger and thumb hold my jaw and he gently squeezes my cheeks as our lips lock.

if you've never befriended George StardewValley then that's ur loss, what a guy ❤️

sebastian x farmer dynamic ?!

idk if my favorite pairing with sebastian is black cat x golden retriever!farmer, where he always acts like they’re a pain in the ass but secretly loves and feeds off of their constant energy and upbeat demeanor, while the farmer loves pampering him with affection and support

or someone quiet and mysterious, just like him, who’s favorite pasttime is just spending chill time together even without saying a word, with frequent motorcycle rides out to the edge of the city, lighting up a cigarette in the dead of night, a true power couple that always radiates badass energy

hmmmmm… decisions, decisions…

Ever since Sebastian dyed his hair, his mom looks at him differently.