Diaryofanagingirl - Diary Of An Aging Girl

watching coming of age movies to reinstall my love for living

i hate when people are nonchalant even when i give them a way out. like im asking you, if you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to but they don’t take it. they’ll still reply with the most blandest shit and it’s not like i want much i just want to have a convo

The Watermelon Woman (1996), dir. Cheryl Dunye

diary of an aging girl #2

When i was younger I felt drawn to the “olden days” and felt very much like an imposter among my peers and looking back at it now it was definitely because of how much of a shy person I was and still am. It is not like I was selectively being shy, it felt and still does feel like this bubble that if I would burst it i’d be offending everyone and also become the stupidest person in the world.

Whatever. So I grew up and realised it was very weird to look back on a time I wasn’t born (the 90s and before) and say how good they were when I didn’t experience it and hadn’t even indulged in the generation I was growing up with.

But but it’s times like these where it does feel like the world is becoming less and less progressive and for people who are minorities AKA my whole identity I feel like it’s okay to look back. I’ve always had like this nagging need to feel what I felt a couple years ago which I am sure everyone has felt and nostalgia is it’s own disease.

But I am looking to the 2010s and some of the 90s where yk for a certain part in a certain place it was blooming with community for dykes and all I can think about is we’re never going to have the same opportunities as the ones before us because of this need to conform to straight people’s standards.

Phones shoved in our faces… what if i don’t want to promote it on insta.. what if i want our communities to bloom w/o social media? is that even possible?

-doaag xx

i need butch abby anderson biblically it is crazy

just bought my first s*x toy and i’m petrified if my mom opens my package cause it’s coming tomorrow or that i won’t like it …

they’re such a good person and so affirming i acc don’t care that they’re much older than me. like it’s never going to gon anywhere but i feel good and it’s nice talking to them.

i want to be friends with more dykes. i feel like every couple ive met in this city are sapphic, strawberry picking, mitski listening lesbians, and while i love they life theyve carved for themselves, that is just not me.

i want to be friends with dykes that are having disgustingly kinky sex with one another, dykes that always have their hands dirty, dykes that want to slam shots with me at 6pm on a thursday.

i want to be friends with zine making dykes, drag things, dykes that start fights with men creeping on their friends dykes that dance ontop of the bar and dykes that you can hear getting each other off while you wait in line for their bathroom stall.

i want to play pool and darts surrounded by dykes who have lives revolving around living in the moment, i want to be around dykes who have complex genders and dont care about the norms, i dont want to go to sapphic pottery night, i dont want to pick wildflowers, i want to get dirty and i want to be around people who get me.

(1) Pay phone at corner store, (2) Harry Dodge & Silas Howard, (3) Anna Joy, Elitreo, and Asia. San Francisco 1996 by Chloe Sherman