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James and Sirius Put On a Show

Gryffindor Common Room 1976, "Somebody to Love" by Queen

“Holy shit.” Lily Evans gasped, elbowing Remus Lupin sharply in the side. He jolted up from where he was slumped in his seat, almost upsetting the inkwell balanced on a stack of notes.

“I’m awake! What happened?” He gasped, seeing Lily’s face. Remus scanned the common room, running a hand nervously through his sandy curls. Lily watched him incredulously, waiting for him to catch on.

Remus furrowed his eyebrows. The common room was relatively quiet. Just some first years playing gobstones by the fire and some groups of younger students chatting quietly over homework. But other than that, Gryffindor tower was almost...peaceful. Oh no.

“Oh shit!” Remus exclaimed, “Where are our boys?! They don’t have quidditch right now, right?” Lily shook her head quickly, hastily stashing her charms essay in her bag. Just in case.

Luckily (or maybe unluckily), the two didn’t have to wait long until their boyfriends made their entrance. A dramatic one. As always.

They heard the door to the boys’ dorm slam open. Followed by the unmistakable sound of Sirius’ record player starting to play.

Caaaaaaan

Anybodyyyyyyyyyy

Find meeeee,

Somebody tooooooo

Looooove.

Remus groaned and buried his face in his hands. Lily started shaking with laughter next to him on their couch. She waved her hand in his face to get his attention, giggling uncontrollably now.

Sirius and James, followed by a reluctant-looking Peter, were draped dramatically on either side of the entrance to the dorm staircase. Sporting matching leather jackets and white tank tops.

Sirius jumped off the stairs, pointing his wand to his throat, throwing his hair over his shoulder. As the opening piano notes played, the boys strutted through the now awestruck common room. Swaying their hips and making a beeline towards Remus and Lily.

Remus stared. Positively mortified. His face blushing red enough to match Lily’s hair. Oh and his blush got deeper as Sirius stopped in front of him. Hitting Freddie Mercury’s highnote and pointing his finger sensually at Remus while running a hand through his hair.

Spurred on by a miserable groan from his boyfriend, Sirius winked at his audience -- the entirety of Gryffindor Tower who had come out to watch-- and climbed up onto a nearby table, quickly followed by James.

Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little

Can barely stand on my feet

Take a look in the mirror and cry

Lord, what you're doing to me

By now, James had joined his brother on their stage, singing the backup vocals and also winking “sexily” at Lily. No one had the heart to tell him, but his winks more closely resemble facial spasms than a sensual gesture. Regardless, Remus and Lily had tears running down their faces. A mix between laughing too hard and of utter embarrassment. But of course, James and Sirius were marauders, weren’t they? After dating the boys for 2 years now, they should’ve seen this coming.

Pureblood training aside, James and Sirius had miles to go to improve their dance routine. They threw in an odd combination of hip thrusts, spins, backbends, waltz steps, and... shoulder wiggles?

Sirius jumped off the table, landing on the floor in a half split.

I work hard every day of my life

I work 'til I ache in my bones

Remus had to smile at the absolute irony here. The boy had hardly worked a day in his life. That smile slid off his face quickly when his boyfriend grabbed his notes and started throwing them around like confetti. Ohhh he’d pay for that later.

At the end

I take home my hard earned pay all on my own

I get down on my knees

And I start to pray

'Til the tears run down from my eyes

Remus shook his head, wishing he had a muggle video recorder with him. Lily, on the other hand, well... she’d lost it, gasping for breath, almost rolling over the couch arm and clutching at her ribs.

Sirius and James grinned at each other before launching into some truly strange choreography. Playing air guitars and thrusting around each other. Sirius shook the neck of his invisible guitar and stripped off his jacket, throwing it at Remus.

Not to be outdone, James jumped forward, almost falling over as he performed some pirouettes.

Lord, somebody, ooh somebody

Can anybody find me somebody to love?

A fizzing sound was coming from Lily and the girl gripped helplessly at Remus’s jumper.

I just gotta get out of this prison cell

One day I'm gonna be free, Lord!

Again, the boys displayed their impressively bad choreography skills. James supported Sirius in a tango-looking backbend. Both singing still, though panting a little.

Bored, Peter took his cue and sat up. With a quick wave of his wand the couch under Lily and Remus slid forward off the wall. James and Sirius circled them chanting, throwing in some rhythmic snapping.

Find me somebody to love

Find me somebody to love love love

Find me somebody to love

Somebody somebody somebody somebody

Somebody find me

Somebody find me somebody to love

They both placed smacking kisses on their partner’s cheeks before jumping back to back. Striking matching poses and shouting over each other on the runs before dropping into the splits.

When the song ended, Gryffindor Tower stared at the boys. Both stayed dramatically on the ground in their little half-splits, panting. The utter silence that followed was almost as funny as the performance itself.

“Oh for Godric’s sake! What is going on in-” The portrait hole burst open to reveal Professor McGonagall, who looked frazzled, as though she’d run from her office. The professor stared at her students on the floor. Then at their partners wheezing on a couch. And finally at the record player still playing on one of the side tables. The Gryffindors watched her, eager to see what she’d do.

With a heavy sigh, the witch turned away, taking off her glasses and pinching her nose. “I really don’t get paid enough for this,” she muttered, closing the portrait hole door behind her.

James was the first to get up. Running to Lily and launching himself at her, peppering her face in kisses and laughing. Sirius bounced over to Remus and hauled him off the couch, kissing him deeply, to the hoots of the other Gryffindors.

Everyone was laughing, applauding the Marauder’s antics and chatting happily. James basked in the attention, beaming at Lily and burying his face further into her neck. Her grin split her face in half and she hugged her boyfriend closer, still shaking with laughter.

Remus grabbed Sirius’ hand and hauled him over to the couch. They collapsed onto the worn cushions next to James and Lily. They all snuggled close together, listening to the common room slowly calm down again.

Lily caught Remus’ eye over their sleeping boys. Apparently serenading one’s partners really took it out of you. The pair grinned at each other, shaking their heads slightly.

“What did we do to deserve you two?” Remus whispered, not knowing Sirius’s face split into a soft grin, before they curled up closer and fell asleep.

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