Im Very Proud Of Myself.

April 16th. My deepest apologies. There has been a death and I have set up drafts to post for me.

I made different soups and a begal with cottage cheese and some cereal. Most of these pictures have to been taken one the 10th and 11th.

TW.

I had a cosmic brownie, a strawberry shortcake and barbecue onion rings. I got back from the store and I survived my mother. I'm fully aware that I'm not eating healthy and I'm trying to get back on track. I have plans for more healthy meals tomorrow.

It was a long day of her acting like it was her first day of modern society and kept saying embarrassing and out of pocket things. Plus she kept nearly running in to me and shoulder checking me all because she was mad at my father. I'm preparing to move out but for now I'm still here mostly out of obligation to my siblings.

Plus she called me fat and hinted at me eating too much and that's why this tiny bag of cereal wasn't going as far. I personally will not be touching it after that.

The urge to binge those delicious chicken tenders hit me like a train but I know I'll regret it and the. want to purge. I'm just going to lay down and hopefully fall asleep.

Heads up to anyone with arachnophobia.

Small rant!!

If someone SH's for attention it doesn't mean you can start just...IGNORING THAT PERSON'S ISSUES?!?!?! IF SOMEONE SH'S FOR ATTENTION IT'S STILL SH AND JUST AS BAD AS SOMEONE SH'ING BECAUSE THEY FEEL DEPRESSED. WHY ARE YOU PUTTING A METER ON HOW BAD SH IS BASED ON THE REASON. IF SOMEONE DOES IT FOR ATTENTION, THE ROOT CAUSE IS STILL A MENTAL ILLNESS/SOMETHING IS DEF STILL WRONG AND THEY DESERVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF CARE AND LOVE AS PEOPLE WHO SH FOR OTHER REASONS.

SH IS SH. NO MATTER THE REASON OF DOING IT. AND EVERYONE WHO DOES IT DESERVES TO BE SEEN AND DESERVES HELP AND LOVE AND CARE.

5/12/2025.

Getting scrutinized by a police helicopter while listening to the apparition by sleep token was not on my bingo card.

A guy that I'm fairly familiar with kept reving his engine up and down the road while I was trying to journal and after about the fifth pass he finally got the highway patrol's attention.

So after getting pulled over he waited until the cop was halfway to his car, this man peeled out and flew down the highway.

And I wish I was joking but seven cars went after him. Quiet a few sheriffs but a few highway patrol's. And then I don't know if he crashed or he caused the crash but two cars collided right by a school and a ambulance and fire truck was sent out there.

A police helicopter was issued to help find the guy and it flew so low to inspect me I got hit with some rotor wash which felt quiet nice because I was cooking in the humidity. So that's fine.

two truths:

healing is hard

healing is worth it

Your body deserves care, rest and love.

Your body deserves care, rest and love.

Your body deserves care, rest and love.

Your body deserves care, rest and love.

Your body deserves care, rest and love!! Let's not forget how much our body fights for to keep us alive everyday, even when we're abusing and neglecting it. Even when we punish ourselves, our body is still there and alive; breathing and continuing to live. Because what it wants is not punishment, but to keep going on, survive & live.

It's okay to eat 'more than you need.' Maybe you are extra hungry! Maybe there is a fun event and you are sharing in social joy! Maybe you just wanted something because it made your day better. You are allowed to enjoy food and not think of it in terms of numbers.

This is what I've eaten through the week or so. I kinda slowed down but I'm back now.

Rice and chicken with chilli orange sauce. Pancakes with milk. The summer sausage paired with a bear claw and maple doughnut. A can of pineapple. A box of raisins. And the last bit of sausage.

It's all a bit random but I went shopping so I'll have healthier food to share next time.