I'M SO BOREEDDDDDD

What is your favorite number sweetheart?

not giving it up THAT easily, mon chéri.

let's just say... ~arcsin(0.2923).

ughhhh I wish I had more to post about but it's kind of demotivating knowing that people won't really see it.

i mean, like... sure, that MIGHT mean that i can type whatever i want and not feel embarrassed. but it's not like it's that easy. i wish i was better at coming up with scenarios (or at least expressing them through words. not that i'm good at picturing them either, i'm aphantasic).

and there's some stuff that i'm not READY to express through words on here yet. i don't even really know if i'm ready to accept some things about myself anyway.

i just need to explore some more parts of myself. and there's some things that i need people to ask/talk to me about because it's probably not possible for me to just come out and say it. i don't really know what i mean by this yet but i'll keep tumblr posted.

what do you find hot about sh?

mental illness, primarily. both the fact that i am mentally ill and the fact that i love mentally ill people. trauma is just hot. physical and emotional.

aghhhhh i woke up sick to my stomach... why must the universe torture me like this?

anyway i had a really freaky dream but i can't remember it </3 i'll update tumblr if i do

Even more bored than usual, wanna be freaky

NSFW ASKS.

1:When did you lose your virginity? 2: Rough sex or soft sex? 3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? 4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex? 5: Favourite sex position? 6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive? 7: Have you ever had any one night stands? 8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor? 9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? 10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? 11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like? 12: How often do you have sex? 13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? 14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? 15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? 16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex? 17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? 18: Are you into dressing up for sex? 19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? 20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be? 21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you? 22: Do you/would you use sex toys? 23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? 24: Would you have sex with your best friend? 25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink) 26: Something that will never fail to get you horny? 27: Early morning sex or late night sex? 28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex? 29: Favourite body part on the same sex? 30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: 31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: 32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] 33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: 34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: 35: Worst possible time to get horny: 36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? 37: How much fapping is too much fapping: 38: Best sexual complement you ever got: 39: Favorite foreplay activities: 40: What do you wear to bed? 41: When was the first time you masturbated: 42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? 43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? 44: Have/would you ever have sex in public? 45: Have/would you ever had a threesome? 46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? 47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? 48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not) 49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? 50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? 51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? 52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? 53: Do you watch porn? 54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? 55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? 56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? 57: If you could give yourself head, would you? 58: Booty or Boobs? 59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) 60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do? 61: have you ever watched someone masturbate? 62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate? 63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? 64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) 65. What is your bra/penis size? 66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? 67. When was the last time you masturbated? 68. When was the last time you had sex? 69. When was the last time you watched porn? 70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? 71. Guys:Circumsized? 72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? 73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? 74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? 75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? 76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? 77. Which wet dream was your favorite? 78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? 79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? 80. Favorite sexual position? 81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? 82. Are you into any BDSM? 83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? 84. Do you like dirty talk? 85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? 86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? 87. What kind of porn do you like to watch? 88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? 89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? 90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? 91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? 92. Ask whatever you want

SEND ME A NUMBER

and i also want to BE this person ugh

i want to show someone how much i love them in every single facet of the word. i want to manipulate them like a puppet on a string and turn them into my perfect, ideal person.

i'm smart enough to know how to do it, too :)

ughhh crazy and obsessive people my beloved

tell me you're not going to let anyone else even talk to me, condition me to believe that it's okay and that you're all i need

follow me home to "make sure i get home alright" and then look through my windows just to "double check"

send me texts and voicemails about nothing in particular because you just want to talk to me

threaten to hurt me or yourself if you even start to suspect that i'm going to leave you

tell other people that they can't talk to me, spread rumors saying stuff about me so that i'm all yours

hurt them when you see that they're still trying

and if i finally start to realize what you're doing, maybe you just need to take more drastic measures :3

anyways to wind down after something so deep, trying out some creative writing for once.

sorry if it's too slow or too boring or too repetitive. i'm not going to edit something i made for silly fun!!!

i'm really just... letting myself go for once and writing whatever comes to me. it's gonna be super disjointed and won't make any sense... and i'm not a dialogue writer!!!!!!!!!

pretty yet stern teacher who has a soft spot for me. praises me when i do a good job, spends time after class helping me understand things that i don't quite get... general special treatment. of course, it'd make me feel nice because i like receiving praise and validation. but slowly, it gets a little bit more physical over time. holding hands, guiding my pen strokes, putting her hands on my shoulders while i sit at my desk. of course, i don't really realize that what she's doing is weird because i'm comfortable enough with her to let her touch me.

it culminates in her asking me to attend a private tutoring session at her house, she gives me her address and a date and time. it's a bit late at night, but i'm a night owl anyway. her house is on the outskirts of town, a small, quiet little two-bed one-and-a-half-bath. i knock on the door and wait for her to open it. when she does, the foyer is dimly lit, carefully contouring her revealing outfit.

she invites me inside with the same gentle, kind smile that she wears in class. but it looks like there's something a little bit deeper there that i can't quite pick up on. i step inside, setting my backpack down by the door, still on the assumption that i'm here for a tutoring session. she covertly locks the door with a soft click, standing behind me. i hear her footsteps, but i'm still rifling through my backpack for my laptop and suddenly...

point of no return

i feel her hand on my shoulder, a slightly more lecherous touch than usual but i still don't quite pick up on the undertone. i smile back at her and stand up, laptop tucked carefully under my arm. she notices my studious demeanor and her breath catches in her throat for a moment, remembering her 'plan' with me. she takes her hand away and leads me over to the desk in the extra bedroom which she has turned into her office.

there's two chairs behind the desk and i take a seat at the one on the side, setting my laptop on top of the desk. i open it up to the study notes she assigned to the class while her hand slowly creeps up to rest on my arm. our thighs are practically touching, our breaths sharing the same space. i'm used to the touch, so i don't think much of it. she gently guides me through the notes one-on-one. her hand slides up my arm, onto my shoulder, down to my waist... until her fingers are brushing lightly against the inseam of my sweatpants.

it's now that i realize exactly how close we are, along with the way she's dressed. my eyes flicker over to her face... and although her own are focused on the notes, acting like there's nothing wrong, there's something darker lurking in her eyes that i don't quite have the knowledge to place. my gaze flickers down to her casual, yet provocative outfit. her plain t-shirt, the way it falls over her chest, the way the loose collar reveals her cleavage, even more being uncovered as she shifts slightly. i look down, noticing the way that our thighs are brushing, her own almost shaking under her miniskirt with hardly constrained desire.

i feel a sudden surge of anxiety, realizing that she's my TEACHER, for god's sake... even if she is pretty and smells so nice and is being so helpful. i look away, a fierce, burning blush staining on my cheeks. but it's too late... and she seems to notice the way that my face is bright red, the way my breathing is slightly heavie- oh? the slight tightness within my sweatpants becomes quite apparent.

she struggles to hide a slight smirk as she continues casually guiding me through the notes, knowing her plan is finally coming to fruition, that i find her desirable in the same way she finds me the same, even if her desire is stronger, more... taboo. after all, there are plenty of students who simply have a crush on their teacher, especially one who's been so helpful and patient. she creeps her hand up my thigh, her fingers brushing against the bulge that i was trying not to focus on. my eyes widen, my breath hitching in my throat as i look over at her, seeing her smirk.

my thoughts race for a moment... maybe i should run away, tell her that i don't want this, that it's wrong for her to do something like this. but my body betrays the fact that i really do want this. i'm frozen, caught between a rock and a hard place. but seeing her expression slowly darken, as if she's not going to let me leave, i know i don't have a choice in the matter.

she grips the bulge more firmly, the smirk growing wider as she knows that she's finally won—or rather, she won as soon as i stepped into her house—that she's finally letting her taboo desires claim victory over her body, that all her work has culminated in this very moment.

she leans in, breath hot against my ears as she whispers words of praise, telling me how i've always been so kind and attentive in class, the way my eyes light up when i understand the subject matter... and the way her skin seems to light on fire every time she sees it. before i know it, my laptop lays completely forgotten on the desk as she swings one of her thighs over my lap, straddling me, trapping me in place.

i look up at her with a war of emotions—fear, hesitation, lust, confusion—all on full display within my pupils. but she doesn't seem to care anymore. her own eyes seem to be flashing with a new light, an almost manic intensity that goes completely against the stern, yet helpful woman she typically portrays herself as. before i can even speak my grievances, i feel her lips against mine as she plunders my mouth with her tongue. i have no idea what to do, i've never kissed someone like this before and i simply... freeze up.

she breaks the kiss with a gasp as quickly as it came, rolling her hips against mine in a fervent, almost desperate pattern. she plants kisses on my jawline, my neck, as far down on my chest as her spine is allowed to stretch. she yanks my shirt over my head in a way that i can't even begin to stop her.

she tells me that she's never felt this way about anybody, especially a student. the thought gives me pause, but there's a small voice in the back of my head that feels validated, wanted... special, for once in my life. just like she always makes me feel. the voice grows louder and slowly—with the mental effort of punching directly through a brick wall— i bring my hands up to help her movements. her butt is firm, but i've never touched anyone like this before. it doesn't seem like she minds my inexperience, though. far from it.

she yanks her own shirt over her head, her breasts falling out of the garment with a slight jiggle. my face turns bright red, suddenly feeling even more nervous about the whole thing. but she guides my hands up to them, letting me grope and feel them, letting me learn how to please a woman, how to please her, just like any good boy should.

while i feel her breasts, her hands creep down my own chest, my stomach, until she slowly slips down my pants and underwear, freeing my sizeable length in a way that makes her lick her lips unconsciously. my breath catches in my throat, feeling exposed and violated... but also feeling a new rush of desire coursing through my veins. i want her to stop, to tell her that what she's doing is wrong, taboo, worse... but there's no getting through to her and a part of me doesn't even want to try.

she grinds her hips against it for a moment before lifting her skirt and revealing her lack of undergarments. it's the first time i've seen a woman's... th-thing! she knows that i've never done anything like this, she knows i'm a virgin (no i'm not a virgin in real life okay??) but she's not stopping when she's finally getting what she wants. she places the tip at her entrance and before i can stop her, she sinks down in one brutal, squelching slap.

I cry out in a mix of confusion, slight pain, pleasure, and overwhelming sensation. i instinctively cover my mouth to block out the sounds coming from within but she wastes no time in prying my hands from my face and pinning them to the side of the chair. she wants to hear the fruits of her labor, wants to hear me moan her name in pure ecstasy. every time i turn my face away, the moral side of me thinking better of this situation, she turns my head right back.

she rewards compliance with praise, with focusing on my enjoyment, with everything she can possibly give me. she punishes disobedience with fierce, possessive grips that border on pain, a stern voice, and guilt tripping. she tries to convince me that i've always wanted this, that i'm the one with these desires and i always have been. and god forbid, it works on a part of me.

the office is filled with a cacophony of lewd sounds—slapping of skin-on-skin, lewd moans coming from my teacher, small whimpers and moans falling from my lips—as she continues to ride me with reckless abandon that nearly causes the chair beneath us to collapse.

the feeling is overwhelming, incredible, terrifying and rapturous all at once. and it feels like it's building to a crescendo for the both of us. her silky walls are tightening, spasming slightly around me as her moans grow more desperate and wanton. it culminates in her practically screaming for me to breed her, to finish inside of her as she makes me hers completely... as if i had a choice anyway.

i grip onto the arm rests of the chair, my moans and whimpers getting louder and louder until finally... i can't hold on any longer. we achieve a simultaneous orgasm, the crescendo of pleasure bordering on pain in a way i can't describe.

eventually, the shared climax subsides and both of our breathing is heavy and hot. i look into her eyes as we come down from our high. she plants gentle kisses on my neck that still hold the same level of possessiveness and... care, in a sick and twisted way, that she seemed to be holding inside of her.

as we slowly get dressed, i feel a sudden urge to vomit, that what we just did was horrible... but as soon as i put my shirt back on, i feel a hand on my shoulder. she whispers into my ear, telling me to come back every Friday night for our "private tutoring sessions" and that if anyone finds out, we'll both pay. i can't help but nod, in spite of my resignations, both encouraged and terrified of what's to come.

i realize that my parents are probably worried about me since i'm out so late, so i grab my laptop and rush out into the foyer, tucking it back into my backpack. i feel my teacher's presence watching me with a smirk, knowing that i'm still the same studious, innocent boy as always... even if i'm a little bit less innocent thanks to her.

i unlock the door and head out into the cool, late night air, contemplating the situation i find myself in. caught between a rock and a hard place, between punishment and pleasure, even if i don't quite understand it just yet.

no wonder people think I'm submissive... I mean I am sometimes but I love being more dominant, too! I guess I just struggle with confidence and comfort when it comes to stuff like this. god knew I would be too powerful if I didn't have anxiety.

even when I'm anon, I struggle pretty heavily with saying things because they just feel wrong. I always just end up being so polite because I'm terrified of scaring people off, I don't want to make them think I'm weird or gross. I want to make friends and respect people's boundaries, but it's hard to do both!!

this prob doesn't make any sense :(

What is your favorite porn category?

i don't watch porn, really! it's not that i don't want to or don't have access to it, i just don't really find the need to most of the time. i had unrestricted internet access from a very young age (like i had access to a computer and the internet when i wasn't even old enough to walk straight). i probably had a porn addiction at some point in my life, though. maybe i should give it a comeback to make myself more of a pervert or smth.

so i don't know if i really have any particular "favorites." i guess things like milfs?? and i guess "femboys" or whatever but i don't like categorizing a whole group of people as a porn category! i just like feminine men.