Sleepy Grinding That Turns Into Desperate Fucking?

trying not to get attached

I always feel that I'm being taken for granted by my loved ones, but the real problem is that I allow them to do so, I've ruined things for myself, I am easily approachable and accessible, that's why I get treated this way. I always thought being there for others is a nice thing but in reality it sucks, you lose your value in that process, i wish to not to be taken for granted for actually caring for my loved ones and being easy only for them, someday someone might actually understand me and take me seriously and not some kind of joke. I just wish to be treated right and not for granted

*having sex* w-wait... *opens closet, pulls out rope* I was going to use this to kms but like hey *ties u up*

⚠️vent⚠️

It sickens me to think of the ways my parents failed me. I was never told I was something or that I could ever be something. I was rarely ever told “I’m proud of you” or “I love you.” Hugs were and have always remained rare. I was never encouraged to try to join sports, other extracurricular activities, or even try again at dancing. I was and still am rarely encouraged. I feel so directionless.

I rarely ever saw doctors. That includes really important ones like optometrist, GP, dentist, like those kinds. I’m talking the last time I went to a dentist I was probably 12. I’m fucking 18. EIGHTEEN! “You didn’t like going.” SO? I was a CHILD, I needed YOU to make sure I was HEALTHY. I feel so dirty and unkempt.

When I got hurt, I was told to just get up and get over it. Why didn’t they hug me and tell me I’d be alright? God forbid I did something they didn’t like. I’d just get my ass beat instead of a conversation. Or, better yet, yelling.

I can’t believe some parents actually have the brain to take their kids to therapy early on. My mom didn’t do that. Even after a life long exposure to an abusive father. It’s all fucked! Life is single-handedly the most fucked thing I’ve ever been forcefully ‘gifted.’ I didn’t ask to be born. I didn’t ask to live this way.

I am constantly seeking validation and love in everyone other than family members or myself. I am ruined. I am a shell of who I could’ve been. No amount of toys, which I had A LOT of, was a replacement for proper parenting. I never feel loved enough.

As happy as I am for people who have good parents, I can’t help but be jealous as well. I’m so jealous your dad teaches you things. I am so jealous your parent(s) put you in therapy. I am so jealous you were motivated to try new things. I am so jealous you are loved the normal way. I am so jealous in a way that doesn’t even make me angry. It just makes me incredibly sad.

I feel more raised by the internet than by my parents. I needed YouTubers to tell me I shouldn’t act like my father. It’s sick.

Throughout my entire life I’ve been starved of affection. And people can SMELL IT. They smell it in the way I talk, the way I walk, and whatever else I do. They know I’m defective.

They will never understand the sadness that you can physically feel in your chest

having bpd and also being a people pleaser is so weird because i will hate someone when they’re not with me and swear i’ll ignore them, and then 15 minutes later i’ll pick up their call and spend the next five hours with them

watching another person with bpd also lose themselves to limerence..

what if we were tussling and roughhousing and it suddenly got more intense. what if we went harder and harder at it until our noses are bloodied and chests were heaving and we separated with ragged breaths, checking over ourselves for damage. but then what if we catch each other staring, what if we start to reach for each other with shaking, exhausted arms. what if we kissed, tasted each other’s blood on our lips and tongues

crying and sobbing bc at the end of the day all i want is a partner who is sweet to me and thinks of me fondly