Concert-bflat - Local Cringefail Guy

I just realized that since Ivan and Till are facing off against each other they're also going to be wearing matching outfits

I'm going to be so illllll oughhh

grrrr I want to make pocket mirror analysis dumps soooooo So Fucking Bad but i a) don't have the energy and b) should. Really replay the game again First

bye akihiro

isaac

Sin

Henry: * randomly materializes out of a murder of crows with a slurpee in his hand* hey guys what’s up? [Click for better Image Quality (Please don’t these are literal Sketches)]

(Oh no I have to Tag this)

It's decorative gourd season, motherfuckers!

nothing fills my heart with more violence than the sight of a naked wrapping paper roll

this is how Cain killed Abel

GIVEN | Ugetsu Murata Character Deep Dive

Ugetsu Murata is one of my absolute favourite characters out of any anime and manga because as a composer and musician, I can relate to his struggles on a spiritual level. I thought it might be kind of fun to really see how much we can try and understand this beautiful and flawed individual who is still very very deserving of love and a happy ending.

Ugetsu's Personality

Nonchalant and aloof exterior but extremely sensitive interior

Pivots between being a bit needy and dismissive, hot and cold

When it comes to the topic of music, he is extremely honest, sometimes a bit brutally honest.

Finds it hard to verbalise his true needs and wants - constantly self-sabotages.

Basically a walking human contradiction

Ugetsu and music is a matter of SURVIVAL

Let's first talk about Ugetsu's relationship with music. Ugetsu is an exceptional violinist deemed by others as having bestowed with genius talent. Everyone, including Akihiko and later of course Mafuyu when they go and attend one of Ugetsu's concerts are absolutely mesmerised by the way he plays and connects with the music. Everyone is so incredibly moved by the way he plays because

Ugetsu can be his authentic himself when he plays the violin.

For those few minutes on stage, Ugetsu doesn't need to hold back and can show people his emotions, his sensitivity, his overwhelming vulnerability and feelings for the world, he can let it all out because holding it in, would have probably killed him.

When Ugetsu says that he wanted to be with Akihiko but he's in love with music. What he really means is that music is his source of life, without it, he simply can't live. As an artist, I can actually really relate to that. Sometimes the overwhelming feelings of emotions need to be turned into art or music, there needs to be an outlet, it's unhealthy to actually keep it all in. We must understand that for Ugetsu, playing music is a matter of SURVIVAL otherwise his emotions all become a bit too much.

Ugetsu as we have established is an incredibly sensitive person. He knew that the relationship with Akihiko was suffocating the both of them because he realised how much his playing held back Akihiko as a person. Akihiko consciously or subconsciouly began to dedicate himself entirely to Ugetsu's happiness and lost his own drive and passion as a person. Ugetsu picks up on this so he began to also hold back (consciously or subconsciously) on how freely he could express himself with his music, which I believe became terrible for his own mental health. Music for Ugetsu is a form of therapy.

While he continued to provoke Akihiko to take music seriously again, he could tell when Akihiko was not confident in his playing knew he had to put an end to it. He knew it was bad for the both of them.

Ugetsu and the loneliness of the Genius

While music is just naturally a matter of emotional outlet and survival for Ugetsu, other people put him on a pedestal. Overwhelmed by the intensity of his emotions and playing, the audience cannot see him simply as a human being but as a genius. This is why, Ugetsu although admired by all and envied by all, we don't really see him get any sort of emotional satisfaction from winning a competition or playing well at a concert. It's just something he has to do and the consequence is that others idolise him and isolate him from their normal day to day interactions.

Although this is something that was sort of pushed on him, he himself fuels this victim mindset of 'loneliness' as well. @morievna explains it so well in this post about Ugetsu being stuck in the Ni-Ti loop, I'll leave it here.

I find it absolutely brilliant where through watching Mafuyu perform, Ugetsu also identified him as a genius. He not only means that Mafuyu has talent, but music perhaps is a matter of survival for him as well. Mafuyu communicates better through music than any other medium. I think there is so much weight in this line because Ugetsu I think predicts that Mafuyu is dealing with some level of loneliness as well and therefore is able to give such an outstanding performance.

Ugetsu is honest when it comes to music

Ugetsu also is not only incredibly perceptive but incredibly blunt when it comes to music as well. We see that he doesn't hold back on harsh feedback when Mafuyu comes to visit and play for him. He tells it as it is because music is easy for him to understand. Music doesn't lie.

Ugetsu's Love Languages

Ugetsu does sort of follow a bit of the genius stereotype a bit in the sense that outside of his music, he acts like a bit like a foetus. Of course, post-breakup in his New York apartment, we definitely see an improvement on his independence (makes me very happy).

1. His top love language is acts of service. Multiple times throughout, we see Ugetsu asking Akihiko for coffee, to be fed breakfast or dinner as a means of getting attention, love and care. In Chapter 21.5, it is revealed that his father was a diplomat and grandfather a politician and he's kind of just thrown into this concrete basement as a young adult. I think he can't help but continuously return to the Tender-Loving-Care that Akihiko provides that he so desperately lacked as a child due to his absent parents.

2. Second love language would be physical touch. I think more so than sex, he just wants to be held sometimes. I literally don't think Ugetsu enjoys sex all that much but more so the feeling of being truly desired by someone. That's why I believe he always has such a hard time saying no to Akihiko's advances even after they broke up. Everytime Ugetsu sleeps with someone else, it's actually a very conscious attempt to break things off with Akihiko.

Quality time just doesn't seem possible with being a renowned violinist and honestly, as a musician, I really relate to that. Dating is hard for artists because schedules and performances are all over the place.

Words of affirmation I don't think is even a thing between Akihiko and Ugetsu. Ugetsu communicates through provoking Akihiko to try and get him to be more confident and serious in his music. But anything outside of music, Ugetsu cannot be honest. Akihiko just doesn't really communicate at all.

Least favourite love language is probably receiving gifts, as shown with Ugetsu slapping away the mug that Akihiko got for him. It seemed like an overly dramatic moment at the time when I first watched the Given Movie but I think in all honesty, I think it was a good representation to show how Ugetsu began to take Akihiko and his TLC for granted after a while and the moment the mug broke, it was a metaphor for him realising how much he was hurting Akihiko and taking advantage of the Akihiko's overwhelming love for him.

Ugetsu has Anxious Avoidant Attachment Style

According to psychologists Nicolas Favez and Herve Tissot, the researchers behind the 2019 study from Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, these are some of the traits of the Anxious Avoidant Partner:

Severe difficulty regulating their emotions in relationships - 100% he is always pivoting between hot and cold

Responding poorly or inappropriately to negative emotions - because Ugetsu is so sensitive, he actually internalises all of Akihiko's insecurity and pain while at the same time hurts Akihiko to break things off, which in turn hurts himself even more, it's a vicious cycle

Negative view of themselves - actually admits that he is the "lowest son of a bitch towards Akihiko"

Perceiving other people and their support negatively - doesn't trust Akihiko's sacrifice of wanting to be with him

Less commitment and satisfaction in romantic relationships - well, this point explains itself.

Higher likelihood of showing violence in their relationships - well, point explains itself.

Having a very high number of sexual partners - point explains itself

More sexual compliance (when asked for sex, you're likely to say yes) - everytime Akihiko makes any advances, Ugetsu accepts.

Elevated anxiety - everytime Akihiko leaves, Ugetsu is just emotionally completely going crazy hoping he would come back. The basement is completely in disarray.

Fear of intimacy or fear of relationships - He loves Akihiko to death. On one hand he's doing it for Aki's mental wellbeing. On another, he's self-sabotaging.

People like that often say:

I want to get emotionally close to my partner, but I worry about them hurting my feelings.

I want to feel close to my partner, but I also don’t trust them to want to be close to me.

I can’t live without my partner, even though being with them isn’t working.

I don't know about you but that sounds very much like Ugetsu. Ugetsu self-sabotages and it's because as a child he's been neglected for so long, he wants to be loved but he also craves to be alone. He is always so anxious whenever he pushes Akihiko away and hopes that he will come back.

So how can Ugetsu heal?

I think Ugetsu is well and truly on the path of healing. A period of independence will actually do him a lot of good in New York. Ugetsu needs to learn how to stand on his own two feet as an adult and practise proper hygiene and self-care without being completely reliant on music as a way of outlet and therapy.

Ugetsu if he is to find the right kind of partner, they need to have a secure attachment style and have lots of patience with him. Someone who initiates conversation and actually asks and says,

"Hey, what's wrong? Why are you doing this? What is the actual meaning behind your actions?"

Someone who holds him accountable whenever he tries to self-sabotage. Ugetsu needs to then step forward and start practising and noticing his new partner's love languages and meet in the middle, rather than have one person in the role of the caretaker and one in the role of the child.

He probably shouldn't date anyone in the music industry is my honest opinion, or date someone that's in a completely different field of music than he is.

HAHAHA the person that actually comes to mind is Iwaizumi from Haikyuu because I can't help but see some similarities between Oikawa and Ugetsu. Iwaizumi definitely seems like that type to be able to call people out on their bullshit while also being able to be a bit goofy and fun as well. Yeah I ship it.

Also, Ugetsu needs to spend more time working on building genuine, strong platonic friendships. I think he is actually doing well in that department, replying to Mafuyu's congratulatory message straight away. Ugetsu needs to take risks and put himself out there a bit more and become less codependent and enmeshed with other people's feelings. Harder done than said but I believe in him :)

Snowgrave..? [wip]