I Drew Zorugg, My Favourite Oc :)))

Humans are weird

Okay this is my contribution to humans are weird / earth is space australia. I haven’t seen this done yet, but let me know if someone has and feel free to add to this!!

What if alien species don’t need to blink?

There are many animals on earth that don’t blink (fish, snakes, other reptiles, etc) so it’s not unlikely that there are some aliens who don’t, and have other ways of preserving their eye health.

My pitch: What if a human is sent down with a crew to begin negotiations with a new alien species, and they don’t understand why the aliens get on High Alert every few minutes. Eventually, they learn that the aliens don’t need to blink, and, in fact, blinking is taken as a sign of attack (much like how smiling at a gorilla is a sign of aggression)

Human: banana

Alien: pardon

Human banana.

Alien: why did you say that randomly?

Human: banana.

Alien: ???

Lmfaoo i tend to say random words when i wake up or when I'm alone

It's fun

Me and who

Me and me

Alien: Human, has your species experimented with DNA and genetics?

Human: only recently, mostly trying to make hardier crops and cuter pets.

Alien: Oh, that would explain this? (Lifts up a ferret)

Human: Where did you get that.

Alien: It does not matter, but I am guessing your species made this?

Human: No, they are completely natural. They come from Europe and Africa.

Alien: *speaking to the ferret* Why would you need such a flexible body?

Human: Its their diet, they dig underground to find their prey, so they need their long, noodily body to fit.

Alien: Strange. I am guessing your dogs are the same, as in their diet causes changes.

Human: Nope, All the different species of dogs were caused by us.

Alien: Of course they were.

I know I already posted one of these today but I just wanted to post again bc wtf.

Many of the best human runners can run about 124 miles. The record was 350. But we’re just gonna go with 124 for this post as that seem to be the more normal number for running athletes that don’t possess the rare genetic ability to rapidly accelerate the clearing of lactic acid in the muscles.

A deer can run 10 to 15 kilometers before collapsing thats about 6 to 9 miles.

It’s.. it’s absolutely insane to think about. I personally can’t even run for one mile (but I also have a lack of red blood that prevents me from circulating oxygen properly)

Imagine an alien asks a human about their hunting techniques and they’re just like “Jesus what the f-ck?”

“Human, you lack sharp teeth or claws, you can’t run fast, you’re not venomous and you’re not very strong. How did you manage to become apex predators? You didn’t always have weapons after all!”

“Uhhhh we ran em to death.”

“You what”

“Giddy up”

“WHAT”

*(playful) chasing ensues*

Master list

Alien crewmate: Everyone thinks you guys are so cute, but they forget you're venomous. Humans are something else.

Human: Fun fact we aren't technically venomous, we just have so much bacteria in our mouths that most human bites get infected.

Alien crewmate, horrified: I preferred when I thought you were venomous.

“You forget”

Okay but consider, aliens thinking humans are only surviving on our death world because of our machines since we don’t really have any natural advantages? Eg we don’t have tusks, fur, or anything else that aliens might think one needs so they make fun of humans. but that one alien who has gotten stranded on death worlds or even on some places of earth, and know we don’t technically need advantages or machines… (this is just me explaining things needlessly probably over explaining. its completely self indulgent bc i find humans funky and like explaining things :D)) The bar is loud, different species mingling, laughing, trading stories. In the back of the loud, hot as hell bar is a large group of Pilgrophams, huge, thick skinned species with bald heads and tusks, laughing, sloshing yalagran in their cups (also known as beer across many species) A few other species are there, a Swelvie, lean and muscular, with long talons and sharp carnivores teeth, and a long demon arrow tail. 3 or 4 Grublirgs, squat things with scales and powerful jaws, hands, and even harder fists, small spikes all across their back. “See thats where your wron’ Nakatachie, the humans could never survive without their precious little machines. photon blasters and what was it… bombs?” The Pilgropham laughs, sounding guttural. The group around him laughs as well, but not one lone being, squashed in the corner. A Frilgrettin, one of the smaller extraterrestrials, but, they have claws and poisons that could kill most species instantly. “They are deathworlders Potoki, don’t be fooled by their soft flesh” the Frilgrettin looks up at Potoki, the snide Pilgropham it seems, face serious. “Aren’t we all little Frilly? Where are their tusks? Their scale or fur or talons, hell, where are their poison tails?” The ogre like being says, thinking he made a point. The frilgrettin, called Brouve, chuckles. “Humans, do not need those things to survive.” “And how would you know?” Someone chimes in from the crowd of listeners. Brouve chuckles again. “I got stranded on XT-fl-1, 9th galaxy, with a pair. I would know” Some of the species around Brouve hoot, but most scoff. “Impossible. A human of all species would not be able to survive an 1 classified planet, much less one in the ninth galaxy.” The one named Potoki says, not buying it. Brouve raises an eyebrow at him, lifting his tail to reveal several poison glands missing. Further up his body, is covered in burn and cold scars from the 1-class planet. “Then I must be a ghost because I sure as void would be dead without those humans” More scoffs and outright laughs. Potoki, who seems to be some sort of leader of the group, being the biggest, goes to speak again but Brouve raises one of his appendages. “Now, you, are going to voided listen, because I’m about to tell you some shit that apparently, is not only common knowledge, but easily practised and conditioned on the humans Planet” The beings around him scoff, but its clear Brouve have their attention. Potoki crosses their arms. Brouve stretches the silence, thinking back to the 4 cyclings, or weeks as the human had said they spent on that hell of a planet. “first off, you must know humans have… other senses. Not only the semi standard of sight, hearing, touch, tasting and smelling.” “Humans, have several more obscure senses from what I could tell.” “She called it, her danger sense, watching sense, weather sense, and… common sense. We will get back to the rest later but first…” “A human’s danger sense, is the ability to sense danger, to an extent. For example, The human knew of predators near by simply by something she said was a ‘gut feeling’, which apparently humans fall back onto this feeling quite a lot, using it for most of their non-physical senses” Brouve took a swig of his beer, relishing in the way the large group had simply gone quiet to listen to him. “There were apex predator, ones even my venom could not take down- mind you, I’m not able to take humans down with it either. Their ‘immune system’ stops me from causing them any biological harm that way- and the human would simply know when it wasn’t safe. Jade would get up in the middle of the night, rushing us away for no identifyable reason, Mark- that was the other one’s name by the way- agreed, even if all she had done was mutter a few words in their native language, claiming something was coming when nothing had even changed. Neither were never wrong however, not when hideous, blackened, dangers creatures would stroll through our camp the other human had set up in the span of a day, maybe two.” Brouve took another swig of his drink jaw clenching. “They saved my life you know, mid attack. Humans are fast. Very fast. They simply outran the creatures and dangers after us” Brouve blinks the flashes of danger from their eyes, trying not to get sucked into the dark memories.  After a minute or so, before they lost the people’s interest, they started speaking again. “And a watchers sense, as mark called it. It’s kinda like the danger sense, just slightly varying.” “Humans can detect when something is watching them, from afar, or close by, hidden or not. Apparently,  yet again, they can ‘feel your eyes on them’ and even sometimes identify semi exactly where the stare was coming from.” Potoki scoffed, but they were about the only one, and it sounded forced. Like they believed Brouve but didn’t want it to seem that way. Acidic venom stung Brouve’s eyes, the flashes coming back more intensely, fear boiling his cold blood, and her wipes away the tears, determined no tto cry in front of everyone here in a packed bar “And- and weather sense.” “Their bodies physically react to changes in atmosphere, alerting them of weather changes and if it could potentially be dangerous” “A squeezing in their knee, sudden and certain sensations or pains, anything, sometimes changing depending on humans” Wide eyes filled with awe and admiration filled everyone’s faces, even Potoki seemed in amazement now. Although quickly burying it with a facade of skepticism. “Eh, you seem to know a lot, sure you didn’t just pick that up as some folklore, maybe a little white lying here and there?” The ogre jabbed. “I was on planet  XT-fl-1 for 4 cycles, with virtually nothing to do other than survive. We traded stories and they answered my questions, and jsut because your planet was mostly domesticated and you probably grew up in a nice 9th-class planet, doesn’t mean you can take away from humans. if you don’t believe me you can void off” Brouve stood up, walking away, some following, some staying as Potoki went green in the face but tried to laugh it off. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alr what do you guys think :D guve me suggestions ideas and hc’s to write about as well plsss-

Happy trans acceptance/awareness week everyone!

2022 has been rough but it's almost over and hopefully everyone gets lots of gender euphoria (or less dysphoria) this holiday season. You deserve it!

It will soon be 25 hours in a day because the moon is slowly getting farther and farther away from earth

Thinking about a ship getting an absolute bully for their first human. The kind of human that knows most aliens are afraid of ‘death worlders’, the kind of human that knows where the line is and how far they can go before they get into trouble, and who they can intimidate to let them cross the line as they want.

Part of the crew is like “I knew humans were just as bad as I thought.” Human doesn’t care. Human represents the worst of humanity, but they’re necessary for the ship - they make themselves necessary, and are not afraid to put the rest of the crew at risk if their authority seems challenged.

And then, they get a new human, who is smaller than the first. The first human tries their usual tactics - and the second human breaks their nose. If they were on the ship itself, there’d be consequences, and the first human knows it. But the second human is not afraid to be labeled a troublemaker, and cause trouble for the first, they do. A fierce competition blooms between them, as the second human clearly attempts to muscle in on the first’s territory, despite everyone warning them not to. And as this goes on, the second human befriends the rest of the crew. They’re different than the first. They are kind, they are smart, they are loyal.

They are a death worlder.

During a shipment of endangered animals from another planet, the first human is mauled by the adults. The second human is injured trying to protect them, but to no avail, the first human is killed. Analysis revealed the first human was sprayed with a kind of pheromone that agitates the species - but there was no reason for the pheromone to have been released by the species. Something else is going on, and the captain know it. The second human, despite the clear trauma, accepts the interview.

After the interview ends, the captain turns off the official recording.

“Off the record,” they ask, “what really happened?”

The human swallows, closes their dark eyes.

“They were trying to steal the eggs,” they said. “I saw them - I heard them on a black line with a darkspace distributer.”

“Why didn’t you report it?”

“Not enough time. And I… I had a feeling they’d done it before.”

The captain waits. The human’s closed eyes water.

“You sprayed the pheromone on them,” the captain says.

The human nodded. “They were so busy with the eggs, they didn’t even notice.”

“But,” the captain says, “You tried to save them after.”

The human’s shoulders shake. “I did.” They sob. “I did. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, but I did it. I did it for all of you. I did it for us.”

The human cries.

No charges are filed. The crew would mutiny if their friend were charged with anything, though the captain finds some way to ease the moral strain on both their hands and the second human’s. Another human is brought on board to help with the strain of the first human’s loss. Thy are bright-eyed, clever fingered, sharp-witted, soft-hearted. It takes time to for the wounds caused by the first human - described as a bully by the humans, also ‘a real asshole!’ by the newest recruit - but now that they are gone, they can all recover, and move on.

The moral here? Humans are not always good, but they should never, ever be underestimated - when they claim a pack, they will protect it even from their own kind.