Clearlycleverdestiny - My Garage

Hang in there

I spent a lot of wasted time hating myself for having a gay orgasm. I was introduced to gay sex very early on. I won't go into details but I seem to have had fate place events and people in my life to tell me that I was going to be gay. I ignored mostly but looking back, I realized I was an idiot. But every time after wonderful, rare and amazing gay sex sessions, I would get the guilts. Those guilts imposed upon me by my strict and religious parents and religious washing. So silly.

Anyway, if you have had those purge sessions, where you think erasing your gay porn stash, deleting your gay hookup accounts, and tossing those dildos is gonna help you stop thinking of what is ingrained in your brain neurons, you have another think needed. It's not going to happen. Evah! Gay urges are permanent.

And if you are married and its been years since you have gotten anywhere near your wife's nether regions and you have gay or bisexual tendencies, you are gonna stroke to porn and more than likely, its gonna be gay porn. You were gonna find opportunities to break out those dildos and popper bottles and enjoy a fully gay session where you reveal your true self to your self. Where admitting out loud that you are gay makes you even harder. You cum harder than you ever came with your wife.

And as you stroke out the last drops you look around and see the mess you created. Slippery lubricant bottles, popper bottle opened on the floor that you almost knocked over, the dirty dildo you now have to clean and the towel you hide in the wash room hamper.

But that urge to purge has gone away. You secretly replace your "gay evidence" to their hiding places and revel in the warmth of true self revelation. Deeply and sincerely coming out to oneself is wonderfully simple. ....and erotic. I am gay.

Artistic.

So obvious now. Would my younger self have even listened?

“The simple fact is that people who achieve excellence in their fields didn’t just have a dream. They got up at 4:00 am to practice on parallel bars or had to forgo other desirable activities and paths in order to get in six hours of violin practice a day, or stayed off several million absurd writing advice blogs with their overheated little cliques that dispense useless regurgitated maxims and empty praise and decide to actually confront their own thoughts on a page. Or they read Beowulf and Dante carefully and deeply when they didn’t see any point, since all they were interested in was Sylvia Plath, because someone of more experience and wisdom told them to do so. I don’t know whether we’re overly lazy, stupid, or childish these days. But the idea of preparing oneself for excellence has somehow disappeared. So – my advice to dreamers: Don’t just follow your dreams. Earn them. Do what it takes to achieve it. Work for it. Don’t just sit there and dream because if you do, it will never, ever be yours.”

— Harrison Solow, Don’t Follow Your Dream (via crimsun)