Fuck It, Elden Ring Text Posts

People playing Elden Ring and looking for the "good" demigod to root for are missing the point. Pick your favorite mass murdering war criminal megalomaniac with mommy issues and endlessly simp for them like the rest of us, cowards.

ah yes. Famous omen twins

mark scout, im sorry. i was unfamiliar with your game until you rizzed me w/ it. i was such a champion of pathetic malewife boss mark s. i didn't realize how bad mark scout sucked (huge positive). i love your petty, prickly, angry everything, mr. scout. kiss me in the lumon elevator as you lose all your memories

Something I found on Twitter that really puts things in perspective as a creator.

JEREMY FRAGRANCE THE PERFUMER???

I hope you agree with me, chat

messmer addresses his loyal knights

mouthpilled washmaxxer. i went to mouthwash city and they all knew you. she mouth on my wash till I...mouthwash. bros in his mouthwash era. not beating the mouthwash allegations. try not to be "mouthwash" challenge impossible. it's giving mouthwash. so mouthwash core. it's--

thinkin about that one part in the sealed vessel ost where hollow screams + a headcanon where hollow has a throat post infection as a result of the radiance forcefully creating one

Obsessed with elliott stardew. he’s like a French aristocrat who is also a beach bum. he looks like young Fabio and talks like a dove chocolate wrapper. He’s polishing his cuff links while shooing a crab out of his pocket. he’s writing a whole entire novel with a duck-feather quill. He’s brushing his hair 100 strokes before bed. He’s staring out at the sea at least 5 hours a day. his Oxford shoes are full of sand. he has 16g in his bank account. he’s not unemployed bc yearning is a full-time job.