Close By, 2018.

Over the mountains, And over the waves, Over the fountains, And under the graves; Over the floods that are deepest, Which do Neptune obey; Over the rocks that are steepest, Love will find out the way. 

(Thomas Percy)

February 8, 2021

~Loneliness~

Last night had to of been another horrifying thing I went through and experience. Dealing with someone who has deep dark depression and energy is draining. It can effect you. It hurt my spirit to have gone through someone who were using inhuman activity and words towards me. What have I done? I’ve done nothing but to try to be an example of a better person and someone who is healing. My spiritual warfare I’ve been dealing with has not been easy. It’s been to break me down. Only thing I’m still standing is because of God. As much as I want to surrender. At the same time I can’t. I know things in life won’t get easier. But it’s never right to put the blame on others. Own up to your own mistakes and lessons and learn from them. She never wanted to. But uses me as a punching bag to put anger on me. As if I don’t feel alone in this world. I am lonely. I’ve been feeling like this for years. But I know spiritually I’m not alone because I have Jesus by my side. But oh my how my physical self feels like it’s just shattered in pieces. Toxic people who have no hope or faith will be the ones to way you down. But why is it a parent of mine. So many skeletons in my closet I’ve been hiding for years and why add more on to them? I don’t have any friends. No one. It’s just me. I just want to be with the Lord. I can’t handle the emptiness that’s in my chest. Save me! I say to God. Why am I always alone. Then a voice in my head tells me. “You’re not alone I’ve always been with you by side.” Just notice me.

Lately I’ve been finding myself drowning my sorrows In alcohol.

I promised myself to not find any other substance to become numb.

I lied to myself.

I crave for it now.

What’s sober?

I can’t get enough of it.

Those around me say to voice my problems to them but in the end, I am still misunderstood.

So I will stay in this shell of mine.

And accept my journey to cease to exist.

This is my own fate.

Sh2-101, The Tulip Nebula 

Trust in God💙

Gloomy days, foggy site🤍

Haruhi Suzumiya 🤍🖤

In a world of my own