Chkeononeanothr - All We Are Is Bullets

drunk and thinking about Eddie Diaz and how he’s such a good dad and how he loves everyone in his life like it’s the easiest thing to do. how he loves like he breathes - it’s natural, it’s just what he does to live. how it broke him to learn that everyone he’d saved had died, because all he’s ever wanted to do was make sure those he cared about were okay. how he’s devoted his entire LIFE to the lives of others. how he ballroom danced as a child and loved it and felt free until his parents sucked all the joy from it. how he was scared to be a dad but did it anyway and would do anything for his son a thousand times over. how he’s so righteous and cares so fiercely and once he’s made his mind up that’s IT. how he loves like his life depends on it, because let’s face it, it does. how Eddie Diaz is made of love and that’s all he ever wants to give back to people.

me and my imaginary band covering mcr songs in the super hot wet epic gay rock band stadium aka my shower

Yet another reminder that faking is a conscious choice that you make.

It is not something you can do accidentally, regards of what you're talking about.

You can't accidentally fake depression, or anxiety, or bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, or any other mental illness.

You can't accidentally fake Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, personality disorders.

You can't accidentally fake ADHD, autism, Tourette's Syndrome, auditory processing disorder, aphasia or any other neurodivergence

You can't accidentally fake being trans or ace-spec or aro-spec or any other LGBTQIA+ identity.

You can't accidentally fake chronic illnesses like CFS, fibromyalgia or any chronic illness.

You also can't accidentally fake being good/intelligent at something. You didn't fool your peers into reaching your position.

You can't accidentally fake trauma, PTSD/cPTSD, DID/OSDD/DDNOS or any other trauma-based disorder.

Tldr:

Faking is a conscious choice.

You cannot do it by accident.

If you are worried that you are faking, that in itself is proof that you are not.

Good morning, you have to be the thing that saves you

oh teehee I’m in a silly goofy mood (I am hanging on by a fucking thread)

Obsessed with Furfur being offended about Crowley not remembering and saying they did loads together (and Crowley used to jump in his back?) when they were in the same legion, because it implies that Hell's dynamics where actually different and transformed through the centuries. Unlike Heaven which seems to have been white, horrendous and question-hating since before the Beginning. I mean, they had to have some camaderie with each other or otherwise there wouldn't have been rebels. The different dynamics that this season offered in Hell is so much compelling that just Crowley and Aziraphale being friends and Hell being full of monsters that kill each other. I mean Ligur and Hastur seemed to be friends but they were also pretty sadistic and unlikable, Shax and Furfur are social climbers at worst and even Crowley doesn't seem to consider Shax too threatening because he sort of mentors her.

This is such a difference with the dynamics we saw with the angels in Heaven. Those people have no bonds with each other. Michael and Uriel are catty and competitive, Saraqael is like... there? None of them gave a shit about erasing Gabriel's memories, not a peep of sympathy. Then we have the more lower angels like Muriel, who are just alone and living in totally-not-solitary-confiment for centuries.

And this seems to be the thing since before the Beginning, they show us Aziraphale being scared about Crowley getting into trouble because Heaven was already fucked even then. It's like... So static, so unchanging and awful. And this is supposedly the place some people say Aziraphale totally has to change for the better? Why? What is there to save? The best thing he could do is to free the most defenceless angels from that toxic white infinite-torture chamber.

I'm not saying Hell is not bad but... Hell is Hell. They sort of accepted their role as the bad guys since they were kicked out by Mummy Dearest to fulfil the role of the black pieces in her sadistic game of chess. They are also in more contact with humanity than Heaven has ever been (because I'm convinced that Heaven doesn't have dead humans anymore because they don't consider humans worthy since they have such sticks in their arses) so of course they commit to the Aesthetic™ of what Hell shoiuld look like. Heaven in the other hand pretends to be paradise but looks more like a Hell without meaning it.

Heaven hasn't changed through the years, it has always wanted blind obedience and doesn't care about doing everything just because it's the Arsehole's Will. Hell seems to have started as a real bond between angels that rebelled and slowly became the place everyone identifies as bad,... by sort of mirroring some of Heaven tactics but not their hypocrisy. Because they are the bad guys, they don't need to be fake.

say what you want about teen wolf but it's body horror game goes crazy stupid, even actual like high budget media still doesn't come close when it comes to range. every villain, every season, whether it's lycanthropy, fugue states, catatonia, sleepwalking, your body as a sacrifice, possession, mind control, genetic chimeras, your body being erased entirely, someone rooting through your mind with their actual fingers, consensual and non-consensual body modification, death and undeath, your body refusing to heal or your body never not healing, never leaving any evidence of what's happened to you, not being able to breathe like it's supposed to, not being able to move at all, your body as an animal, your body as a weapon in someone else's hands. body horror is her specialty and she is never afraid to get icky gooey absolutely filthy disgusting with it and she NEVER has an off day.

queer is literally a slur. like you’ve never been called that in a derogatory context like most lgbt people? you think your experiences escaping homophobia make it okay to justify the use of a homophobic slur?

queer is an identity.

it has also been used as a slur. there is no denying that. but using a word as a slur does not make it a slur. because before queer is a slur it is an identity. before it is derogatory it is a label. the use of queer as an identity is infinitely more important than the use of queer as a slur because the people who identify as queer are infinitely more important than the people who use queer as a slur.

say a lot of people decided they hated me. despised me. were disgusted by me to the point where my own name became a slur. would you tell me not to say it? would you tell me i could no longer be helena, and instead must come up with a euphemism for the name that belonged to me decades before it belonged in the mouths of bigots?

because that would make you an enabler.

you would tell me i can’t say my name anymore because some lowlife decided he could use it to insult me?

you would tell a gay man that he can’t be gay anymore because some teens in the early 2000’s started calling everything they didn’t like “gay”, and now he has to say “same sex oriented male identifying individual”?

does that enrage you? because it should. that’s exactly how you sound.

you are telling me i cannot use my label. you are telling me that when my great-uncle shouted until his face was red and he spat tobacco and the word queer at my feet, he was right. he was right to insult me, and i was wrong to say my name.

you are shitting on every single one of our predecessors. you are slandering every person who fought for their rights to exist and and be tolerated and be celebrated in their countries, every person who was lost to the aids epidemic, every person whose country criminalizes love and gender expression, every child whose parents abandoned them for straying from the norm, every person who was born and will die in the closet longing to be themselves. the queer umbrella is a safety net, a security blanket, the comfort of being known without being pressured to tell. it is near and dear and important as fuck to every member of the lgbt+ community and you are a blight upon the earth you walk.

how dare you speak upon my experiences with homophobia. how dare you disguise your own homophobia as activism. and how fucking dare you have the audacity to come to my blog and hide behind an anonymous ask and preach to me about how i’m oppressing myself. go look at the fucking wikipedia page for queer and read about how 1980s lgbt+ activists, especially lgbt+ people of color, fought to call themselves queer in a world that still hates peculiar things. and here you are forty years later spitting queer back at their feet.

i don’t give a fuck if people start using my name as a slur. my name is still helena. i will not change it. i chose it, i like it, and it belongs to me. it does not belong to bigots no matter how badly they want it. your discomfort with my identity is not my fucking problem.

i am helena. i am queer. die mad & go fuck yourself

Can you please reblog if your blog is a safe place for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, asexual, aromantic, pansexual, non binary, demisexual or any other kind of queer or questioning people? Because mine is.