It Must Be So Fun To Not Have An Ed

i think i have to accept i’m building muscle

pros are burning cals at rest but cons are A HIGHER WEIGHT ON THE SCALE ARFGHG

when i was eating normally last week i probably started growing smth but still

is the wellness lifestyle for me?? xx

never forgiving human evolution for making it so that the less you weigh the less you burn

Love days when no one is home for dinner cause I can just not eat!! 😛😛😛😛🙏🙏🙏

why do everytime I eat, even if it’s like 50 calories, feel like i’m not sick enough? or is it just me

that pizza was the hardest thing to eat i could barely swallow it

i wish that one day it comes down to refusing those slices entirely

you could've sworn i was recovered with the way easter has me breaking my fast 10 hours earlier with super-sized chocolate bunnies

. ݁₊ ⊹ . my motivation :

- the th-gh gap

- the flat tummy and visible r-bs

- more attention

- "how'd you do it?"

- "you look sick..."

- being smaller than everybody i hate

- so people care more about me

- so the smallest size won't fit

- won't have to worry about if a size is too small

- i'll look good no matter my outfit

- can have a bad mood without being seen as 'b¡tchy'

- won't feel so bad on lazy days

- won't feel like a w@nn4r3x¡c and actually feel valid

- to be 'iconic' th-nsp0

- family member / friend reactions

* i'll be adding more ♡ :)

maybe when spring makes its way into the seeds of trees, it will plant one into my mind too. one that will cleanse my soul of everything that is sadistic and destructive about me.

the seed will bloom into a beautiful flower that is nourished by the affection of the sun, beaming on the body i try to deplete of its forces day after day. the scent of the pollen will inspire in me a new kind of love for myself that is lost in the covers of my bed.

i desperately need this flower to stop my body from withering away as my mind starts to reach new lows i’ve never seen before.

this disorder is fucking ruining my life

recovery will never be an option i fear

i’m so destroyed mentally that i’ll just feel worse if i fix my relationship w food bc i’ll still be lacking everywhere else in my life

i’ll always be anxious, a people pleaser and terribly jealous of everyone else