Another Plant Update, They Love The New Window Spots

We are, indeed, out here creating media.

we are out here, creating media

The tears trickle down my cheek

And slither down my neck,

Pooling in the crevice of my collarbone

Until they begin the overflow.

~ceramic-feelings

War

Relentless thick walls

Divide our society in half,

Blue skies are enveloped

By melancholy clouds.

We're deeply enmeshed in this war,

That can only be demolished

When we can

Coexist in consonance.

~ceramic-feelings

over high garden walls, this sweet echo falls, as a soldier boy whispers goodbye.

Raymond B. Egan

this is a rant, but i feel like i need it.

all of high school i submersed myself

with band

and it was quite competitive, really.

so much self hate,

surrounded by both the kindest people and

the most self-absorbed losers.

i really beat myself up trying to climb the hierarchy.

i even tried to quit when it became

too much to handle.

gaslit into staying, i still felt unwelcome.

i wasn’t necessarily on the bottom, i was

a section leader and was loved by my

section.

i still craved a sense of belonging.

marching didn’t come easily to me,

not like it did for most everyone else.

i couldn’t physically do it and i just figured

maybe i’m not pushing myself like everybody

else?

maybe i’m just lazy and don’t want to put the work in?

but that’s not how i truly felt.

i was going to physical therapy but nothing

was improving.

maybe everybody else is in pain too,

and i’m the only one not pushing through it.

constantly beating myself over the head

and then sitting out for reps.

i really did feel terribly embarrassed.

turns out all along i’ve had a rare genetic

connective tissue disorder.

And what the hell is Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome anyways?

I often wonder what I could’ve done differently

for my friends to have liked me.

I understand why many peeled off when

i had a kid,

but i felt the falling out way before that.

perhaps i get too excited that i drive people away.

it just feels terrible that i don’t have friends

that i can look back on the memories and laugh.

all i feel is hurt.

i’m getting married next year.

i won’t have any bridesmaids

or a maid of honor.

just the strange faces of my siblings

that have also outgrown me,

and the parents i worked so hard to leave.

travis’s family beside mine,

in a broken room

listening to broken music

with our broken families.

i almost would rather not have a wedding.

i have close to nobody

and my only happiness is within travis and niamh.

squirm the herm worm

with no little toes

and no little eyes, and no little nose

a small long body

a body that’s round

that rises occasionally

up out of the ground.

Flower Haikus

petals work as one

held together at the stem,

until they are picked.

.

.

Our love was a flower

he loved me, he loved me not

it was back and forth.

.

.

A single flower

In a feild of dead bushes

starts to shed petals.

.

.

Sharp petals like blades

Peirce through my ankles as I

Run through my garden.

.

.

- Ceramic-Feelings

Reflection

The water from the reservoir

Is entirely stagnant.

As I hover the water,

The eyes of my reflection rendezvous.

In that moment I began to apprehend

That I truly looked demoralized.

The tears from my cheeks cascade,

And the still of the water is interrupted.

The soft undulations ripple away

Along with the depiction of my reflection

That had scarred the human psyche.

~ceramic-feelings

:')

You don't notice

The everlasting sorrow

That's drowning out

The life in my eyes.

I'm weeping inside,

But you're only seeing

Soft flesh

Carrying a fabric

That lays loosely over my body.

I am but merely an item,

That had been claimed

The moment you rest your body

Against mine.

All my self worth plummeted

In a matter of seconds,

And I have never felt so ashamed.

~ceramic-feelings

And so it comes around full circle,

I’m having another baby

and my mom must’ve come

to send me a sign that she’s here

because my due date,

is the day she died.