I Was Thinking This Morning About How I Categorize Fanfic Authors That I Enjoy Like AKC Breeds And Decided

the long way around - chapter three

Pairing: Marcus Pike x F!Reader Rating: M Word count: 2,564 Notes: This chapter features perhaps the one thing I want most for Marcus besides a happy ending - standing up for himself and saying his piece. Just the epilogue after this! Reblogs appreciated. Warnings: Mutual pining, fluff, food mention, mentions of self-doubt, swearing, kissing

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Words Unspoken

Mando x reader

Summary: y/n and mando has been friends for two years, a bond between them Unspoken...until the mandalorian sees the way y/n's childhood friend flirts with her. (Sum mando jealousy here hehehehe)

Warnings: jealous mando, language. Maybe violence and fluff.

Also happy late birthday pedro BABY!!!!!

Also this is trash (;

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The mandalorian watches with crossed arms as y/n worked on the rezar crest, trying to repair some internal wiring that was shot earlier that day....by said mandalorian. Y/n had a amused smile on her face along with sweat and oil, the reason as to why she was fixing this nearly making her laugh.

It all started when mando was cleaning his beloved blaster, just mindlessly wiping down every crevice of the thing. But he heard her enter the room, her boots echoing throughout the near silent ship. That of course grabbed the intention of the mandalorian causing him to look up from his blaster and spotting the woman.

And she was absolutely stunning, her beautiful y/e/c eyes harvesting that beautiful sparkle no one else could ever have. her light brown button up shirt stained with oil along with her tight long dark brown pants, the first few buttons on her shirt missing showing off her soft skin there. Her hair was down and natural just the way he always thought was beautiful, it made her look purely angelic. He didn't even know what happened as his mind was in a trance over her beauty, but he accidentally pulled the trigger of his blaster he was cleaning and shot straight through the wall of his beloved ship....messing up the lighting in that particular area. But luckily his companion was a mechanic.

Leading them to this moment, she removed the penal he shot through and was rewiring what he destroyed. Her amusement at the situation making his cheeks burn red beneath his helmet.

" I almost have it...just a few more and-"

She shrieked as sparks flies out causing her to jump back and cradle her hand to her chest. The mandalorian jumped to her side in a flash, holding her as he quickly looked her over to see if she had any injuries. But she was okay other then a small little burn on her hand.

" are you okay? Are you hurt? " he asks, his voice modulator slightly masking his concern, but she heard and smiles up at him reassuringly.

" I'm fine...but I can't say the same for the rezar crest's wiring. It's gonna have to be replaced." She tells mando, who sighs and looks away from the woman and back to the wiring that sparks every few seconds.

" what do we need to replace? " he asks, his eyes looking back down at her. Her gaze was fully focused on the damage.

" you'll need more wiring, and probably a new penal considering that one has a hole in it. That's about it " she explained as she looks up at mando, who was still holding her. Realizing this he let's her go with pink cheeks. Although he wished more then anything to hold her for eternity.

" where can we find that? " his modulated voice asks, walking over and inspecting the damaged he had done. She watches as he stares on at the damage, the feeling of where his arms was once around her feeling cold at the loss of contact. She walks over and leans her forearm against the ship's wall, looking up at the beskar clad man.

" I know of a place we can get all the stuff we need for free...but it's a rough place, especially with the child with us. " she tells mando. He looks at her then turns around looking at the child who sat down in his bobble like carrier, watching the two with a small smile.

" we could go and you could always stay here and watch him while I retrieve the stuff. " He said, but y/n shook her head and fixed her gaze on the shining helmet, looking at where she believed his eyes would be.

" if you went alone then you wouldn't be getting the wires and panel free, you should stay and watch the child while I get it....I can handle myself y'know. " she explained as she crosses her arms. He looks at her questioningly. Although his face was hidden under the helmet she could read his body language like a book.

And she was right, he knew damn well she could handle herself. The first time they met was when he strolled into a cantina, he was just stealthy looking for his latest bounty at the time but the sight of her caught his gaze. She was arm wrestling a rather large and muscular man, someone even he would have a time fighting against. But she somehow won the wrestling match and the man was not pleased, that's when said large man decided to start a fight with the small and delicate looking woman. But she managed to kick the man's ass and that's when the mandalorian just knew he had to get to know her, and so he did. She helped him repair his ship that was heavily damaged at the time. But she made it look good as new, and the payment was that she stayed with him, that way she actually had a bed to sleep in and a roof over her head. The only thing she needed to do was sometimes watch the child and repair any damage.

" trust me I know you can...but why would you be able to get the parts free and I wouldn't? " he asks, she smiles a small smile and looks away from him.

" because the person we would be getting these parts from would be an old friend of mine, he is a little hostile towards strangers but a decent person with friends " she says, her voice soft and making his heart flutter at the sound. But the fluttering stops as his mind registers the fact she said he and old friend.

The mandalorian looks at her and nods, they need the parts, " okay...wheres this friend of yours at? " he speaks, voice coming out void of emotion as always as he begins walking towards the cockpit. Y/n scoops the child up into her arms as she settles into the co-pilot seat strapping herself in as the mandalorian does so himself. The woman explains the destination coordinates as starts up the rezar crest. And off they go in search of the parts to fix what mando destroyed.

___________________________________________

" This place is a dump..." the mandalorian spoke as he held the child closely to him, watching as different species of all kinds walked by, some thieving off others, and others beating the shit out of some. It was a rough place....but then again most wastelands was.

" hey pal this dump so happened to be home! " y/n said, her voice low as her eyes bounced around the sandy desert full of thugs, outlaws and murderers.

Mando looks at her the around the place, " that explains why you're so tough " he muttered. She chuckles and leads the way towards the dark cave looking building. The child whines at the sight of the aliens and people in this wasteland, snuggling up into the mandalorian for safety.

He smiles under the helmet as reassuringly rubs the childs back.

The woman comes to a stop at the cave like building, hand resting on her concealed blaster as she smiles up at two guards.

" is gunner still around or did he finally get himself killed? " she asks with a little smirk. The guards look to each other and back down at the woman.

" whose asking? " one asks, his voice gruff and low. The mandalorian stood more close behind her as his protectiveness kicked in.

" y/n...an old friend who he owes. " she spoke up, smirk still playing at her lips. The guards step aside and allow her entry without anymore question. She gives them a little nod in gratitude and steps through, glad to be out of the burning sun. But she stops dead in her tracks when the guards block mando off.

" their with me " she says, looking at them with a serious face, they sigh and let him in as he nods at them. He walks closer to y/n as she leads them through the dimly lit building.

After a few minutes of silence they come to a room with a round table in the middle, four men sitting at it while two women hang of two of the men's shoulders, they was gambling. And it didn't take long for the man the woman was looking for spotted her, he stood up from his chair and smiles.

" well if it isn't y/n! " gunner spoke with a joyous tune, causing y/n to smile widely. The men at the table stop their gambling as the hostess attention was purely on her. " it's been a long time since I've last saw you, yet your still the beauty I grew up with! " he exclaimed as he looked her up and down. She giggles and shakes her head, her cheeks slightly pink at the man's words.

The mandalorian stood there with the child watching everything go down, a feeling of pure anger washing over him as he shifted on his feet...who the hell did this man thank he was speaking to her like that?....those words was running through his head repeatedly.

" oh shut up gunner, I didn't come her for you're compliments, but rather some parts for a ship " she tells the man who nods with a grin. He turns back to the other men in the room.

" continue the game while I excuse myself for a moment..." gunner said, motioning y/n and mando to follow him. They both do so as he leads them through a dark hallway and into a grey more brightly lit room full of metal and ship parts. " what is it your looking for? " he asks.

" wiring and a panel " the mandalorian spoke before y/n could, his modulated voice feeling the room. The woman looks at him with a slight lifted brow, she could hear the anger seeping through his voice.

" well...y/n you know where to find it. " gunner said, side eyeing the mandalorian, He picked up on the anger rolling off him.

" of course! " she said, walking towards gunner and searching through the wall of multiple wires behind him.

She was confused as to why mando was angry, but shrugged it off. He was probably irritated by the heat from this wasteland and hostile territory, especially when the child was being held in such a place.

As she searched she found it, the wires she needed and smiles victoriously. " okay I got the wires but now I need the panel..." her voice trailed off as she turned around and looked around the room seeing if she could see it.

" follow me, I'll take ya to the panel's Darling " gunner chuckles as he rests a hand on her lower back.

That made the mandalorian's blood boil, his eyes shooting daggers through the man's head as he clinched his jaw. How dare he put his filthy hands on her....

Y/n nods in appreciation at gunner and his kindness as he leads her towards the panel section of his ship parts collection.

" here they are..." he said with a little smile and he kept his hand on her...mando appearing beside the two as the woman walked off to search for the right panel.

" so....gunner. how did you and y/n meet? " venom dripping from his words, gunner looks at him with a little grin.

" we grew up together, she had an abandoned ship we would both play in when we we're children " gunner tells the man. He nods and looks back to y/n. Gunner smiles at the mandalorian and chuckles quietly.

" you like her? " he asks, causing the mandalorian's head to snap in his direction. His cheeks going red under the helmet.

" wh-i...yes...you could say that " he stuttered as his heart started pounding. He felt...afraid to think of his feelings for y/n. The fact that he loved her making him scared, he wanted to tell her...but was afraid of ruining everything they had together. He couldn't stand the thought of losing her...she was everything to him.

Gunner nods, the grin still plastered on his face as he watches y/n while she finally finds the right panel and make her way back to the two men and child.

" okay! I have everything we need " y/n announced as she holds the wires and panel up with a smile. Mando nods with a sigh of relief, now maybe they can leave this place. But of course luck wasn't on his side and the woman who captured the mandalorian's heart directs her attention on the man beside him.

" thanks gunner, I knew you'd have everything we need " she smiles gratefully at her old friend, who gives her a tight hug.

The mandalorian can't help but tense up, he hates seeing the way y/n smiles at the man, her eyes practically glued to the suave man who kept throwing compliments at her....although he hated to admit it...he was jealous.

" great now we can go " mando spoke, holding the child closer as he watches the way gunners arm was still wrapped around y/n even though the hug was broke.

Y/n looks at the mandalorian confused, he wasn't even trying to hide the anger now...did she do something to anger him?

" oh come on, no need to be I'm such a rush. Why don't you both stay for dinner? " Gunner suggests with a kind smile. Y/n's eyes light up with excitement as she smiles at the suggestion, looking to mando for permission. That's something she always does, that's one of many reasons he likes her. She always makes sure he is comfortable with something before she agrees or does something.

The mandalorian looks at her and knows she really wants to stay...her excitement making his heart skip a beat, she was so adorable. And he sometimes hated how her beauty and adorableness had such a grip on him.

With a sigh he nods, " sure, why not..." he muttered with attitude. Y/n's smile widens as she thanks the mandalorian for agreeing and they all start walking to the dining hall in gunners building. Even though he wished to just sit in his ship and enjoy listening to y/n talk about random things while playing with the child....like always.

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Y/N's laugh rang throughout the building as the mandalorian sat at the table with crossed arms, he couldn't eat considering he couldn't take his helmet off. And he didn't want to leave the two alone together because he was afraid of that thought.

The child sat beside the mandalorian as it eats the soup, its wide eyes looking up at mando with curiosity.

" do you remember that time you pissed off those Jawa's and I had to talk them out of stealing you're whole ship? " y/n laughed, tears threatening to spill because of how hard she laughed. Gunner laughs with her as he nods.

" how couldn't I? It was the most terrifying moment of my life! " he said through laughter, his hand landing on hers, they both sat beside each other while the mandalorian and child sat in front of them. Mando watched as gunner squeezes her hand as their laughter continues, never has he seen y/n so happy before....it left him feeling angry yet sad the same time.

" I'm heading out, watch the child. " he growls as he stood up, chair scratching against the floor making the laughter die down some. Without another word he leaves.

Y/n watches as her smile filters, worry settling into the pit of her stomach. Her mind wondering what has made him so angry. She looks to gunner and gives him a apologetic smile.

" please excuse me while I see what's bothering him " she says, standing up and dusting her pants. She looks to the child, " stay here and be safe " she tells the green little creature, who nods and smiles. She then walks out of the dining hall in search of her mando...

Although she would never admit it, she harvested very strong feelings for the mandalorian. And she thought that in her actions and words towards him showed him just how much she cared about him. She didn't say out loud that she loved him because she knew he would most likely reject her, say that she was only a friend and mechanic for him, and she couldn't take the rejection so she showed him her love for him in the way she took care of him, hoping one day he would see it. But obviously he hasn't.

She sighs in relief upon seeing him stood by a open window in the building, the sun had set long ago the moon taking its place. The light of the moon shining on his beskar making him look absolutely stunning in her eyes. She walks towards him slowly, her boots hitting the hard metal floors echoing, breaking the silence.

" what are you doing in here? I thought I told you to watch the child?! " he barks at her harshly. He keeps his gaze out the window as he watches the people outside.

" the child is in good hands with gunner " she reassures the mandalorian as she stood in front of him, leaning on the window seal.

" oh so now we're trusting him with the childs well being? " he scoffs, causing her to stare at him with shock. His harshness hurting her in a way he would never intend.

" I'd trust him with my life din, he isn't like any other person in this wasteland! He's nice, caring and wanted nothing more then to leave this place when we was younger. But he couldn't because he was a slave! " she angrily tells him, her cheeks red from said anger.

He finally turns his gaze on her, eyes soften slightly at the mention of his name, something he told her one night as they both couldn't find sleep. She only ever used his name when she was troubled or very very angry at him....

" then why are you here with me and not him? " he asks with a low tone, voice holding that of sadness. She looks at him as her anger slowly decapitated.

" because something is bothering you and I wanna know what it is din...you're never this distant with me? " she tells him, voice calmer as she laid a gentle hand on his shoulder making him sigh and relax.

" i-i just don't like seeing the way he makes you feel...." he muttered, his voice modulator not masking the hurt in his voice. It made her heart clinch.

" din, I have no idea what you're talking about? " she said softly, clearly confused.

" I'm talking about all the-the complaints, and blushing and the way he touches you...I don't like how it makes me feel! " he exclaimed as his anger was building back up.

Y/n stood there shocked, her brain trying to wrap around what he just said...so he was jealous? She thought as a small smile tugs at her lips.

" so, what you're trying to tell me is that you're jealous? " she says while trying to fight off her smile. He shrugs her hand off his shoulder and crosses his arms, a frown on his face hidden by his helmet.

" I. Am. Not. jealous." He spat out, but now it was all clear to the woman that he was.

It made her feel over the moon knowing that he felt the same about her, otherwise why would he be jealous?

" then why do you hate when gunner compliments me? " she asks, the smile winning the battle as she smiles at him.

" because...i-i just don't! " he argues as he looks away from her. She giggles and walks closer to him, her chest nearly touching his making his breath hitch and heart pound.

" that's exactly what someone who is jealous would say " she tells him with a grin. He scoffs but doesn't look away from her. " you have nothing to be jealous over din, my eyes are set on only one man in this galaxy and if he wasn't so hard headed and stubborn he'd see that " she admits, her eyes looking up at him with such love and adoration that his heart swells.

It was that moment he knew she was talking about him, the smile on his face wide.

She leans her forehead against his helmet, wishing more then anything to be able to kiss the mandalorian.

" I love you din, nothing will ever change that and I hope you can see that " she says softly, the love dripping from her words making him sigh dreamily.

" I love you too. Ever since the moment I saw you " he tells her, causing a giggle to escape her lips, she pulls her head back and rests her hands on his armored chest. His hands falling to her waist.

They both stood there in a comfortable silence until they heard the child walk inside the room, it's big eyes droopy and a yawn escaped from the little creature. Y/n smiles and looks up at mando who hesitates to pull away from the comfort of the womans touch. He walks over and scoops the child up and turns around to look at y/n.

" ready to go now? " he asks, she nods and walks towards him, both of them walking down the hallway.

" yeah, I suppose I should fix what you broke the other day, y'know checking me out and all " she jokes. His cheeks turn red and he chuckles.

" well maybe you shouldn't be strolling by when you look like you did that day." He says, a little smirk on his face beneath his helmet.

" looking like what? " She questions, he stops walking and looks down on her short self.

" stunningly beautiful " was all he said as he walks ahead of her. She blushes with a wide smile as she finally starts walking again.

She was absolutely happy, her heart felt like it was about to explode with happiness knowing that the mandalorian felt the same.

But the mandalorian was beyond happy, the smile would probably never leave his face as he thought about how she said she loved him, those three simple little words meant the whole universe to him. and now that he knew he had her...he felt like he had the whole universe.

Because know that he had her, he did.

Reblog if you're grateful for your internet friends

A black girl will be spending years in jail because she had a mental health crisis. PLEASE READ

Meet Saraya: she was experiencing a mental health crisis. Police came and tackled her. She is 15.

Saraya Rees is a 15 year old biracial girl from Coos County, Oregon. After being abruptly instructed to stop taking her antidepressants by a local pediatrician, Saraya went into psychosis. In her manic state, Saraya poured a small amount of gasoline on the floor. Her parents called Coos Health & Wellness in hope that that would send mental health advisors, Coos Health & Wellness sent the police. While still in psychosis, the officers arrested her, questioned her without her family or lawyers present, charged with attempted murder and assault, and sent her to juvenile prison for 11 years.

ELEVEN.YEARS.

This is not justice.

This is inhumane.

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP:

1. Call these people and demand that she be let go to the custody in her parents.

Please call Governor Kate Brown and Senator Jeff Merkely.⁠

⁠

📞Governor Kate Brown: (503) 378-4582⁠

📞Senator Jeff Merkley: (503) 326-3386⁠

2. Sign the petition! 

http://chng.it/dPR59dnMzq

Please DO NOT donate to CHANGE.ORG, instead donate to Saraya’s gofundme. 

3. Follow @justice4saraya on instagram. You can find info on where to send her encouragement cards and get updated on progress.

4. SEND CARDS TO THE FOLLOWING (please also note card sending rules)

OAK CREEK CORRECTIONAL FACIILITY 

C/O SARAYA REES

4400 LOCHNER ROAD SE 

ALBANY, OR 97332

EDIT: PLEASE CONSIDER THESE RULES WHEN SENDING HER CARDS! The family has asked for the following when sending cards: 

-No vulgar language or cursing (she’s a child, afterall) 

-No stickers

-No metal 

- Do not use return address stickers

-No Cash

Using these things could mean Saraya doesn’t get your card. If you want to donate to the family during this very hard time, please use the GOFUND ME.

 https://www.gofundme.com/f/justice4saraya

You can also send her gifts for when she gets out to a PO BOX: 

SARAYA’S PO BOX

PO BOX 211

MYRTLE POINT, OR 97458

MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT A CRIME. LET’S FREE OUR GIRL SARAYA!!!

Saraya’s website: https://www.justice4saraya.com/

Meet-Snark

In a Universe Far, Far Away - Part 2 | Part 1 |

Pairing: Din Djarin x Earthling fem!reader Warnings: Crack fic (that is now going to have some narrative and character driven meat lmao), 2000s/2010s fanfic tropes, some language, not canon compliant but that is the point, Please note: this is set right before the Finale Episode and contains general spoilers for Episode 7 Words: 1.3k Tags: Humor, chaos, uncanny valley, unexplained “magic”, reader is tired cranky and bratty

Well, things could be worse, you supposed.

Sure, you were still currently in your pajamas, but someone had found an extra pair of shoes that were close enough to your shoe size. You had no idea whose they might have been, but it was nice to not have freezing toes.

Even after deciding that you were probably not a spy or an assassin, you had been given a brisk pat-down and then handcuffed. Of course, there hadn’t been much of anything to find. You didn’t even have your damn cell phone on you. But what added insult to injury? Your cheese had been confiscated.

Thankfully, you had been able to convince them to not toss it out and instead put it in their fridge — or the conservator as they called it. It would’ve been sad to have just lost it after all.

That all had been some hours ago, everyone being mostly alright to ignore you so long as you didn’t make any sudden moves. They had bigger issues to deal with at the moment than try to figure you out.

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Last Second Boyfriend

AN | Nothing much here except some soft holiday/meet-cute fluff! Enjoy! ❤️

Pairing | Frankie Morales x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Mildly suggestive content if you squint

Word Count | 3k

Masterlist | Frankie, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Hey,” you were breathless with wild eyes and warm cheeks as you ran up to the man standing at the edge of the ice rink, casually watching the skaters without partaking. He was startled as he almost jumped out of his skin at the touch of your hand on his shoulder. Wide brown eyes met your eyes as you shook your head to keep him from panicking, “what’s your name?”

“F-Frankie…?” he replied meekly, almost as if he was questioning his very existence. 

“Hi Frankie - can you pretend to be my boyfriend for like 10 seconds?” Frankie’s eyes widened as a blush - this one not just from the wind chill - colored his cheeks as he stared back in confusion, “my friends are coming, totally didn’t know they were coming here and I bailed on them tonight because I said I had a date with my boyfriend. If they see me here alone, they’ll know I lied and they’ll never let me live it down. So, just like…can you…kiss me?”

“What?” his mouth opened in surprise as he studied with what could only be described as incredulous wonder, “you want me to kiss you?”

“Yes,” you hissed as you looked around, spotting your friends coming up to the rink from the corner of your eye, “I’m so sorry, I’ll do whatever you want, but if you’re okay with just kiss me now for a moment, or tell me to run because my friends are about five seconds away from figuring out I’m a huge liar.”

Before you could say or do anything else, this man you’d known for about a minute, gently took your face in his hands, before pressing his lips to yours. You were so taken aback, that at first you didn’t know how to respond, but you quickly reacted, gently kissing him back, and practically melting into his touch. 

Oh. Oh. 

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ghosts

—CHAPTER FOUR: sour guilty sickness

pairing: Javier Peña x f! reader

previous part | next part | masterlist

a/n: well it took a while but here she is ! things are turning a bit of a brighter corner here but don’t worry, the angst will be back soon enough !! thanks for waiting yall, I’m so glad to finally get this out !! hope you enjoy !!

The version of him that you photographed was the man he wished he could be.

Unburdened. Happy. In love.

That man, that version of him, didn’t exist. Not really. Not for any longer than it took you to take the photo in the first place.

Reality was darker. Blurrier. Emptier.

The man in the photos was never suffocated in darkness or stalked in shadows, yet he spent his days drowning in the deepest depths of humanity’s darkest days. The water was at his head, every breath was a fight, and there never seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Another day, another massacre. Another mission, another mistake, another man who didn’t get to go home, another family left with a hole that no rousing speech, commendation, or memorial could ever fill.

The man in the photos was never out of focus, yet Javier couldn’t remember a time when things had been clear, when the line between good and bad wasn’t an indiscernible mess he had no chance in hell of ever making sense of. There was blood everywhere he looked, it stained his hands and everything he touched, he could scrub for hours and he still felt wrong holding you close. The horrors he witnessed, the horrors he executed, all of it lined the uneven, narrow passageway that separated the good from the bad. It was grey, blurry and messy. Not sharp edges, no clean cuts.

And the man in the photo was never alone. That just wasn’t fair, because all Javier ever felt was alone.

The photos always captured him as a man of the world around him: gently examining tomatoes on your instruction as the two of you moved through the market overflowing with life, laughing shoulder to shoulder with Murphy in the packed booth of a bar with his fingers cradling the neck of his beer, holding your hand or touching you someway even if you were out of frame. The photos painted him as a man who was never alone, but he was, he was so painfully alone. In the darkness surrounding him, in the blurred alley that existed between the lines, even in bed as you slept beside him, he was alone, trapped in the horrors that haunted his lonely mind.

There were moments when he could forget, moments where the hot press of your mouth along the length of his neck lit a fire of warmth in his chest and kept him on fire for hours while his hands clung to your skin, moments where the soft hold of your hand found his, your linked grips swinging between the two of you as you walked through the humming streets as the golden glow of the setting sun settled over the two of you, moments where the two of you felt like the only two people in the world and he could never imagine ever being without you. There were moments, plenty of them, but it was never enough.

He felt empty in a way your photos could never capture, alone in a way he never shared with you. In a way he never shared with anyone.

The man you photographed was the man he wanted to be. The man you photographed was the man you deserved.

Waking up to that man staring back at him was plainly mocking and exactly what he deserved.

The photo had slipped from the mess of photographs stacked in your lap and found itself a place to rest against the flat of the bed between where you sat up, already awake, and where his head rested on the edge of his pillow as the morning finally woke him. It was a photo of him, unburdened, happy, and in love.

As aged as it felt, he knew it had only been a few months ago. A Sunday. A simple Sunday.

He had lost you in the street, or at least, he thought he had. Not intentionally, but in the excitement of the crowds pouring out of every church that lined the streets of the neighborhood, it was relatively easy to do. His attention was pulled one way and yours the other. A small cart of flowers had been his hook, catching him out of the crowd and reeling him over. Buckets and buckets of beautiful flowers bunched together in bountiful bouquets, the aroma itself could have kept him there for hours.

“For someone special?” The older woman sitting beside the cart asked, her accent thick, as soon as she spotted his interest and he had no chance in hell of hiding his smitten smirk, even as he replied with a short nod of his head. “A beautiful girl?”

“The most beautiful.” He conceded.

She gestured towards a particularly large bundle but he shook his head, pointing to a different collection, smaller but no less beautiful.

“Ah… simple, good choice.”

He handed over a few folded bills and she nodded graciously, wishing him luck as he pulled the bouquet from the cart.

For just a second, maybe even less than that, he lingered. He brought the flowers to his nose and took in a deep breath of beauty, the same smitten smile still sitting on his lips as he gave one last nod to the woman and moved back into the crowd. He hadn’t seen you through the crowd, just a few yards away, capturing the moment. You had caught back up with him seconds later, intertwining the fingers of one hand with his and accepting the flowers with the other, a surging smile stuck on your face as the two of you continued your walk.

It was a good picture of him. Not of Javier, but of the man he wanted to be. Unburdened. Happy. In love.

If only he could be. If only it were that simple.

You turned as you heard him rustling in the sheets beside you, a soft smile sitting on your lips as you watched him pick up the picture and admire it for a minute. “Good morning.”

“‘Morning baby…” He hummed back, returning the photo to your lap.

There were at least twenty photos there, a couple of him, a few of Connie and Steve, both separate and together, and a couple duplicates of photos you had taken for work, streets lined with people, small cultural centers and jaw-dropping landscapes of the gorgeous Colombian nature. This wasn’t exactly a regular routine of yours, but every month or so, you’d assemble a collection of your favorites and find a place for them among the pages of your worn leather journal. Your private worn leather journal.

That wasn’t to say he never saw inside it, but it was yours to let him see. If you weren’t there to open it, it was never opened, no matter how overwhelming the affliction of curiosity could be sometimes when you left it out on the counter, he knew better.

There were six or seven of them in total, but the oldest ones typically stayed tucked away. This was the one you had kept for as long as he had known you though, your affectionately termed Colombia edition. In between the photos and their detailed descriptions scrawled beneath in your unique script, you filled the journal with general descriptions of your life, of the culture around you, and everything you’re feeling. Part of him has always wondered what you had written about him, a separate part of him, the part that always won out, never wanted to know.

“You slept in…” your words trailed off once your stare moved back to the selection of slices of your life in your lap. “You haven’t done that in a while…”

“Yeah.” He huffed, rolling onto his back as he rubbed the last of the sleep from his eyes. Lulling to the side, his head turned and his eyes stayed on you, admiring every inch of your profile as you worked.

Your smile stayed soft. Gentle. Miraculous. “That’s good…”

You deserved better than him. You deserved the man in the photos and he wasn’t that.

He needed to talk to you, to tell you why life had been hell for the two of you for the past few months, to tell you why he was keeping you up at night tossing and turning, terrified of his own mind. There were things he didn’t know how to talk about, things he didn’t know how to tell you, but that just wasn’t fair. He loved you and that meant something. Day after day, you begged him to talk to you, and he owed you that. He owed you more than the fear of losing you.

He just wasn’t ready yet.

Rolling back over, he positioned his head by your lap, laying a gentle kiss to the skin of your thigh. “How long have you been up?”

“Just about an hour or two,” you bit the end of your pen cap off to write something on the back of a photo of Connie in her scrubs getting back from work, and continued on, your words garbled by the cap between your teeth. “Whenever the sun came up.”

By this time on any other day, you’d already be out, either exploring every corner of the city or out as far as the soldiers would let you get into the surrounding jungle on your own. It had been a long time since he woke up beside you. He pressed another lazy kiss to your thigh. He missed you.

Another kiss. And another kiss.

“Javi…”

Another kiss. He’d take as many as he could get before things came to a painfully inevitable head.

He wasn’t naive, he knew you had seen bad things before. Colombia was far from your first rodeo when it came to nations in disarray, be it war, genocide, drug trade or dictatorships, he knew that. You weren’t a photographer, you were a photojournalist. He knew that.

There were things you left out when you told your exciting stories at the bar, parts of your cultural escapades in South East Asia or the Middle East that didn’t come with chuckles and smiles. He saw the way your stare absconded when Steve pressed too hard in a direction you weren’t quite willing to go and the chuckle you offered as cover as you reached for your drink and changed the subject skillfully. He listened to the things you told him beneath the blanket of darkness in his bedroom, before it became your shared bedroom, hushed whispers covering for your voice cracks as the details caught you. And he had read more of your journals than anyone else, he read passages you didn’t typically share and he saw some of the photos folded between the pages while others were showcased openly.

One was just a little girl. The folded half of the photo had caught his undeniable curiosity when a phone call interrupted you while showing him some of your older work. He hadn’t asked, he had just opened it. It was a little girl. Big smile, beautiful brown eyes. Just a little girl. There were hundreds of photos filling your journals, many of them children, but this one was folded. Hidden.

And when you returned to the table, you folded the picture shut and he knew better than to ask.

Just like he knew better than to ask when he first noticed you shying away from his gun. He never thought twice about leaving it out openly before you first showed your hesitancy and he never thought twice about putting it in a drawer after you had. He knew it wasn’t a typical civilian gun-shyness, he knew there was a reason for it.

He knew you had seen bad things before, but this wasn’t just that. He hadn’t just seen bad things in his line of work, he had done bad things. Too many bad things.

Another kiss.

Eventually, you stopped writing and recapped your pen. “Javi…”

“I know, baby.” He laid yet another kiss along your skin, actively avoiding your stare as he felt you shift to look down at him. “I know.”

“You’re going to have to talk to me…”

A rough sigh escaped his tight chest as he pressed his forehead into the curve where your thigh met your hip. Muffled, his words vibrated against the fabric of your loose-hanging tee, baggy around your hips. “I know, baby.”

He did know. He really did. But that didn’t make it any easier.

As his eyes clenched shut, buried in the warmth of your side, he could feel you shuffling around, stacking up the photos and abandoning your work by the foot of the bed. He thought it was just so you could turn all your focus to him, but you kept moving, adjusting until you laid back against a carefully constructed mountain of pillows. He readjusted almost automatically, resting his head in your lap as your fingers wove themselves into his hair.

“I miss you, Javi…” your hand brushed the flattened mess of hair back out of his eyes, carding through all of it strand by strand. “You’ve been here this whole time but I… I miss you.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want to leave Javi, that’s the last thing in the world that I want to do, but you’ve gotta work with me here. This is new for me too, alright, staying in one place is new for me…” he pressed a kiss to the indent your skin had made on itself while you were sat up for so long, urging you on as your voice grew weaker. “I want to stay here. With you.”

He could hear every word you weren’t saying just as clearly as the ones you were.

Don’t give me a reason to leave, you said. This is your last chance.

He owed you more than the fear of losing you. He owed you the truth.

“Things are bad here, baby. They’ve been bad for a while, I know, but they’re getting worse.” Still, he couldn’t find the words he needed to. Vague wasn’t what you deserved. You deserved answers. “I’m doing a lot of bad things. Bad things that I can’t… I can’t bring home to you.”

“But you do.”

He sucked in a sharp breath, dipping his stare from yours and instead settling his eyes on the stitched hem of your shirt where it rucked up across your stomach. “I don’t want to,” he corrected himself and you seemed to accept that for now as his breath released in a ragged cascade across your lap. “There are parts of me that I don’t want you to see.”

“You mean parts of your job.”

No. He didn’t.

He had grown too comfortable pulling a trigger to separate himself from his work anymore, the guilt never went away but he stopped hesitating. If a man pointed a gun at him with the intent to kill him, then he did the same. It didn’t matter that he was doing things for the right reason anymore, at some point, a line needed to be drawn. Doing bad things for good reasons sounded just in theory, but he was doing more and more bad and coming out with less and less good.

Carrillo. Los Pepes. How much was too much? When was he going to be able to look at himself in the mirror again?

“Javi…”

“I know that the guys I’m fighting are much worse than me, but the lines keep getting blurrier, and what I’m willing to do to stop them… at some point…” He lost his breath, and no amount of gentle strokes through his hair could get him to keep going.

“Baby…” you cooed, dragging your nails along his scalp as his eyes fell shut. “I’ve known my fair share of bad men, you aren’t one of them.”

With his eyes shut, his mind had free reign. Over and over again he watched Carrillo line the boys up in the alley, over and over again he watched the kids talk back to him. They didn’t think he would do anything. They were just kids. Over and over again he watched him level the gun to the kid’s head and pull the trigger. Over and over again.

Extracting your hand from his hair, your warm palm moved down to his cheek. “Bad men don’t think like that, Javi.”

His head shook but your touch remained constant.

“Javi, baby, what is it? What do you keep seeing?”

Your touch was too soft, your gentle hold bordering on suffocating. He couldn’t breathe. Over and over again, the trigger pulled, the gunshot echoed, and the kid dropped.

He left a numb, barely there kiss to the hem of your shorts where they laid on your thigh, and pulled himself up. It was a weak promise he made to you, to cut back on his smoking, you knew that when he made it, yet he still felt guilty rolling over and reaching for the half-empty pack he pulled from his pockets last night and left on the nightstand. He could feel your eyes lingering on the tension held taut between his shoulders, he could feel the concern smothering your stare, he could feel the weight of it chilling his spine.

“Javi…” he could hear you sitting up behind him but he didn’t stop, he threw his legs over his side of the bed and lit his cigarette with an effortless flick of the lighter. Your hand found his shoulder and he flinched. “Javi, I—”

“He was just a kid.”

He could feel the comforting confidence leave you, your grip losing all its strength where it lingered on his shoulder. You didn’t pull back, but you might as well have, your touch was numb. He inhaled a deep breath of smoke, but the warmth was nothing compared to the chill emanating from you the second the word ‘kid’ left his lips.

“Javi, what happened?” There was an edge to your tone, a careful cut.

“Carrillo he… he told me that he wanted to send a message. I didn’t ask what that meant… I trusted him so I didn’t ask…” He coughed out, wiping over his face with his hand as he folded even further in on himself. Again and again, he watched the kid drop. Again and again, the echo of the shot rang through the alley and became all he could hear. “Escobar, he uses kids as spotters, to keep an eye on the military. Just boys, maybe as old as fourteen, and young as seven, maybe eight. And Carrillo, he wanted to round them up, he wanted to send a message.”

This was as quiet as the room had ever been.

He could hear each of your stilted breaths, every rustle against the sheets as you shifted carefully behind him, every beat of your heart.

He sucked in another breath of smoke. “He lined them up in this alley, he was talking to them, he was trying to scare them but… but one of the kids wouldn't shut up. He didn’t think… I didn’t think…”

Your grip found itself again as you started pulling the rough puzzle pieces he choked out for you together.

“I just stood there watching when he pulled the trigger. Everytime I close my eyes, I see it again and I can’t…”

“Javi, baby—” Tighter and tighter, your grip grew as you held his shoulder, fingers digging in as he slipped further and further away. Each flash of memories in his mind took him deeper and deeper down, until the darkness of his guilt began to swallow him whole.

“I just stood there, I let it happen. I knew something was different with him, I knew and I just let him do it—”

Your other hand ran up his back, your body heat pressing closer in behind him as the chills settled in his spine grew constant, a cold wind swirling in his chest. “Javi—”

A violent breath of smoke fell from his lips as he scoffed, disgust bubbling up from deep within his gut. “I didn’t even try to stop him.”

“Could you have?”

The brutalized scene playing behind his mind froze. “What?”

“I only met him a few times but he wasn’t a man to compromise. If you had tried, do you honestly think you could have stopped him?” Your voice was closer now, right over his shoulder as you tentatively wrapped yourself around him from behind. Every inch of your touch was timid and hesitant, like you thought one wrong move would shatter him into a thousand pieces.

Maybe you were right.

He smashed the butt of his cigarette into the ashtray on the nightstand as his tone grew deeper, rough with a tone he never took with you. “I was standing right there.”

“You just said you didn’t know what he was planning to do, Javi—”

“I should have known.”

“Javi—”

“I watched his men march them into the alley, I stood there when they lined them up on their knees,” he cursed, rubbing rough over his face, incapable of looking back at you. “I should have stepped in before it ever got that far.”

Your lips pressed weakly to the back of his neck. “Okay.”

He shook his head and stubbornly fought, “I should have—”

“I’m not placating you, Javi, you’re right.” You sighed, leaning forward to rest your head between his shoulders. “It’s okay.”

“Things are bad here, baby… I do bad things and I don’t want to…” curse you with it.

One of your hands scaled up the treacherous landscape of his back, winding your fingers into the short bits of his hair hanging down his neck. “Hiding things from me isn’t going to keep me here. I don’t need you to protect me.”

Again, his head shook, with the last of the strength he could muster. “That doesn’t stop me from wanting to.”

No, you pressed a soft kiss between his shoulders again, you knew that.

Wrapping your hand from the back of his neck around to his cheek, pushing his face towards his shoulder where yours met him. “You’re not a bad man, Javi, it’s just a bad situation.”

His voice broke, weaker than you had ever heard him as his hand reached up to pull yours from his face. “Then why does it feel like this…”

“Because it does,” you sighed. “Because when bad things are happening and you can’t do enough, that kind of sour, guilty sickness is all you can feel.”

There was a knowing bite to your words, a telling drop of your stare from his.

“That and anger.” your chuckle broke through your solemn resolve. “I don’t know, I spend a lot of time as a bystander, I can’t speak to what you do. But I know about seeing a lot of bad and not being able to do enough good to make a difference, I know a lot about that anger.”

The years he had under his belt in Colombia were nothing compared to the years you had on him. Before moving here, before picking up this fight against the narcos as his own, he had been a low-level agent in the States. That wasn’t to say he didn’t see his fair share of violence, but it wasn’t this. It wasn’t a day to day struggle for humanity. The same couldn’t have been said for you. He asked once, how long you had been traveling for, and you had answered mainly with the shrug of your shoulders.

When he pressed on for an actual answer, you shrugged again. “I don’t know, I was in school for journalism and bored out of my mind. A friend suggested a trip to Mexico and I didn’t ever really go back to the States after that.”

Whatever he was feeling, god, it must have been nothing compared to the years of compounded anger settled in your bones. And still, your touch remained the softest thing and your work the most beautiful. You could take the horrible city around you and find a way to highlight the glorious humanity afflicted by the shadows of reality. You could take the ghost of a man he was and capture the unburdened levity of his smile, the happy crinkle of his eye, and the loving center his job forced him to bury deep.

He loved you more than life itself, but more than that, he cherished you. Because for you, he wanted to be better. For you, he wanted to be the man you photographed.

At the very least, he owed you that.

The two of you stayed like that for a while, not knowing how to move from there, but when you finally got up and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, he at least knew Brazil was off the table.

For one day, one quiet morning, it was enough.

-

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Ran into this on one of the Star Wars fan pages on Instagram and I am DYING. 😭😭😂😂💀💀

ghosts

CHAPTER ONE: nocturnal thoughts

pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

next part | masterlist

a/n: so this was just supposed to be a little snippet where I expanded on a drabble I wrote for @tiffdawg around Halloween (👻) and it became a lot more ;) I have more ideas, I may or may not write them, feedback as always is appreciated !!

Nights like these were the worst kind. 

Faster than the wind could blow, whipping it’s way through the open windows of the jeep with a cool and haunting whistle, the hours got away from you, ticking away minute by minute until there was more moonlight in the sky then there were headlights in the streets, forcing you back on the same promise you made every morning. The same promise you hoped with every inch of your being, every ounce of your exhausted heart, that you might actually be able to keep. 

Every morning you promised. Every morning he believed you. 

And every night he ended up in bed. Alone. 

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