I Think I Like Mulaney Because He Tells Stories Like How I Tell Stories:

making memes for my gf & sending them to her completes me

What philosopher should YOU fight

there are a lot of philosophers out there, and they all need to get pummeled. here’s the chances that you’ll come out on top in no particular order.

Socrates  Who wins: Socrates  Look, there is a -100% chance that Socrates lands a KO, but that’s because he doesn’t need to. you come in spoiling for a fight and by the end of it you’re seriously debating whether you can truly claim to have ownership of your arms. It makes you want to fight him more and then you just get deeper into the spiral. don’t bother.

Plato  Who wins: Plato Sorry, but his name literally means ‘burly guy.’ you’re not going to win this one.

Aristotle Who wins: You Ok actually I don’t know who wins here but Aristotle needs to be beaten up so badly. Please punch him. I’ll help.

Diogenes:  Who wins: Diogenes I get why you want to fight him. I want to fight him. Everyone wants to fight him. don’t do it tho. His entire life is a series of him asking people to fight him and he still lived to one million years old. Don’t do it.

Epicurus  Who wins: Epicurus Jesus don’t fight Epicurus. dude does NOT care. your punches will be like water off a ducks back.

Kant Who wins: Nobody I forget the argument I was going to make because I just looked him up and he looks like a weird adult baby.

you’ll win this one but why do you want to fight an adult baby. Avoid.

Voltaire Who wins: You sidenote: is there a single picture where Voltaire doesn’t look punchable?

honestly. anyway, look at the guy, he’s like 20 pounds. punch him. 

Hume Who wins: Hume ‘In 1731, he was afflicted with a ravenous appetite and palpitations of the heart. After eating well for a time, he went from being “tall, lean and raw-bon'd” to being “sturdy, robust [and] healthful-like”’ HE GOT ILL AND IT ONLY MADE HIM STRONGER. AVOID.

Hegel Who wins: ??? I honestly don’t know but ughhhhhhh he’s so smuuuuuug. Do it. Beat up Hegel.

Kierkegaard Who wins: You Like, the entire Concept of Anxiety. there is no way you could lose this fight. go for it. 

Spinoza Who wins: You But you won’t feel good about it. All this scrawny man wants to do is grind up some lenses and maybe watch some spiders making a web if its a wild day. Don’t fight Spinoza.

Descartes Who wins: Descartes Guy was a mercenary. He like, did fencing. Don’t fight Descartes.

Nietzsche Who wins: You Use his moustache as a pulley and kick him in the chest. When you knock him out whisper ‘human, all too human….’, and laugh.

John Stuart Mill 

Who wins: You JSM is the proto weird atheist guy who corners you and insists on going on and on about Richard Dawkins. You could take him easy. Fight John Stuart Mill.

Schopenhauer Who wins: Schopenhauer  He believed that the world is fundamentally unsatisfied and in search of satisfaction?? This man is DYING to punch somebody. Don’t do it.

like to charge reblog to cast

some of yall r SOOO sensitive!! and it’s a good way to be. u have big hearts. I love u

Some pictures from a very productive day today! How are you guys? I’m so excited to be back from my hiatus! 

John Oliver is literally the sweetest person.  This is a message from John for The Trevor Project.

choose a partner who is good for you. not good for your parents. not good for your image. not good for your bank account. choose someone who’s going to make your life emotionally fulfilling.

concept playlists

had to jump on this trend

you’re hanging out with the cutest girl in the whole wide world, driving around in a pink cadillac convertable, ignoring the male gaze, and eating cherry popsicles on a warm summer day. you think you finally know what joy feels like

having a picnic on a hill filled with wildflowers, you feel the sudden urge to cry from both an underlying sadness and an overwhelming appreciation for the beauty of queen anne’s lace and daisies

you’re parked at the beach at 3:30 in the morning on a warm summer night, and you feel weirdly nostalgic for a time you weren’t alive for 

you’re driving in a car filled with friends with the windows rolled down, and though it’s never possible to fully leave your sadness behind, in that moment, everyone is smiling and everyone is happy, and there seems to be blue and yellow glow over everything

you walk deep into the woods and flop onto your back into a snowbank, staring up at the bare trees and falling snowflakes as the sky gets dark, feeling as if you could lie there forever

you’re riding the subway late at night, listening to an old ipod classic. the car is dimly lit, it’s empty, and it seems as if the train will never stop, but you’re not going anywhere in particular

I’m constantly torn between “if it’s meant to be, it will be” and “if you want it, go and get it.”