If You Paint Us Like Pressed Flowers, Will Watering The Blooming Golds Really Make A Difference? For

I'm scared you'll be be housed immortal inside my head and there's dread creeping up my spine knowing it's true. How am I supposed to fall out of love with the version of you in my head, the one that still sings when you're not even here to choke it out anymore? I'd really rather you twisted the knife and left me to bleed, atleast i would've run out of blood to paint your name with. No, i think what you did was much worse, had my heart for lunch and then wrapped up my wounds in empty apologies. There's still blood in me that needs to bleed for you, I hate how this turned out, I miss you like pain misses sweet morphine.

But minds aren't a cage of thoughts really, they mean to free us from our burdened mortality.

I ignored all the signs under the surface, refused to accept the truth behind the curtains, drunk on our love as how dictators drown in their power, and I faced the consequences while you grinned from the crowds. your love was the looming guillotine hanging above my head, but what they didn't see behind their pity was that i gladly fell into your arms in the end.

That 'always an angel, never a god' made me think of 'always a choice, never the one chosen'

How I hate immortalizing you, but what am I if not loved by you? what is a sunflower without her golden star? what am I to do but turn to your gaze from afar? just clinging, hoping that desperately, that your light's just for me and no one else, that I'm the worn out hoodie that always hugs your frame, and maybe I did deserve it after all, how else would Icarus ever fall?

Pluto spun around the sun, until its light was too blinding, even for its love struck eyes to take. So it withdrew its orbit, pulling back as if leaving makes the river run softer, like leaving wouldn't marr the existence of anything else in its stead. Bask in the afterglow with me and tell me love, do the golden rays seem harsher from my window?

There is so much I could possibly do, what a terrible tragedy I am not immortal. What a beseechingly mortal remark, but I don’t suppose I would like to live forever, just enough.

I’ve died so many deaths Just in this one life The pause between the beats Long enough, to make me question If you would curse me for pausing time Every time you said that you were mine And if I died then No other place so apt As when the stars would rather prefix If I died only then, You would’ve loved me for an entire life What tragedy is death, when I get the pick the forever I most yearn for? Nostalgia wouldn’t send its tariff for I would’ve been buried, and you would’ve been there at the funeral, And maybe for once, the grief would corrode your heart, And maybe for once I could ask you to stay, when after all there’s no one you could leave.

but what if i interpret it wrong? you always called me out for being too cynical, so maybe the freckles on your skin spell out my name in braille. maybe the veins and arteries curling in my wrist trace the paths we are destined to walk. we have already happened, are happening, haven't happened yet and will happen, so what's the point in letting a stupid calculation error determine our reactivity? what if the stars whisper not warnings but twinkle in adoration?

And speaking the ancient tongue is like reaching out and having a chat with history itself, shadows and shimmers of unspoken words bound by time, now escaping through the curve of your lips.

being smart is literally my only validation. nothing if not smart.