So Much Spilt Blood On These Lands, Isn’t It Hard To Believe Such Sweet Scarlet Flowers Grown On Those

and I was out in sea, the waves alive and crashing around, the distinct buzz of noise from the shore, vaguely human to my ears. miles under my floating feet, the unmistakable beating of aquatic heartbeats. and yet, surrounded by so much life how can a soul feel so empty and dead inside? all mine wants to do is float in the distinct emptiness of my still-beating heart.

nothing ever feels the same. that is the horrible cliche everbody hears, and years down the road they realize, huh, the pain stopped. but the road, the road, what of it? you wake up every morning, for 7 consecutive sundays and realize, oh it's stopped, has it stopped? the eighth sunday is however bad, you wakeup with a picture of how his head would rest right on top of yours. and just like that, it's back to square one.

being smart is literally my only validation. nothing if not smart.

We're drifting through the memories until we become the memoirs ourselves.

I want to be fluent in french so bad.

"asshole" i try to call you with all the conviction i can muster. how dare you tell me about her? I hate you i repeat and i repeat it till i'm sick. will saying it enough make it true?

How could you possibly miss someone who isn't corporeal, without shape, without form? I miss him as the sun rises and as it sets. His hands I imagine, hold my face, our ghostly figures fitting together in a perfectly unearthly embrace. He's stunning, he's my darling, more than the boy walking me home ever could be, yet I've never seen his face. He might just be the best my mind has ever made, dethroning the poetry, the equations, the conclusions, my most brilliant manifestation. so sweet, so mature, he always seems to know what I feel before I tell him my thoughts. He knows me better than I know me, and every night we talk, the weights lift, the fog clears and I sleep hugging his shape. I know, I know, if I ever sought to hold his hand, I'll come away with ash and smoke, yet not without knowing our fingers would mold so perfectly together. I search for his face in every boy I meet, he is my voyeur in an empty gallery, he sits behind my eyes and I only hope I don't fall asleep before I meet him tonight. I know not your name, your face, your voice, the color of your hair, your touch. but I do know your gait, your grammar, the food you make, your sigh, your feel, your embrace and know, you're everything I could possibly want. what else is there to falling in love?

was it a sin to love you in our last lifetime my love, for which I am atoning for in this one?

take me back to when I wished on eyelashes, full of childish hope, when I used to ask for toys for christmas.

I find an eyelash now, and wish for everything to turn out okay. I don't believe anymore, but wishing on eyelashes just fills me with longing for what was and what never will be.

math exam was so good it made me think, don't get men get maths fr