The Nintendo DS Eshop Closes Soon! :(

The plants by my windowsill, named Mari and Twoey. Hopefully the recent warm weather is nicer for them.

Personal stuff and organization

This is the first blog style post I've made in a while, huh?

I've recently gotten a lot more organized since I've gotten a bed with storage underneath. This one's from Ikea, so it'll be really nice quality compared to what I've had before.

Plans for the summer consist of three summer courses, organizing my things, and planning a project I've been referring to as Project A. Originally, my family was planning to go to Disneyland in the US during the summer- but the economy really sucks right now so we need to cut down on our spending a lot- so we're thankfully going to be spending less.

Sometimes it feels like my sister and I are the ones mose scared of the way my mum handles money- we get that she grew up without much and is now feeling a lot more safe about spending, but it seems impossible to convince her that we don't need to spend money to be happy. God, why are financial problems so complicated? This really sucks :/

I'm glad that we're not going all that far, though, since for one, we're finally cutting down on our spending for trips and excess items and meals, and second of all, we're just not going out too much anymore. Perfect for a homebody like myself with a ton of projects to do over the summer, right?

On the topic of projects, I feel like I've been latching onto Project A so tightly because it seems like the one dream I have that actually feels possible and that I'd be extremely happy with. Not going to talk abou it much on this blog until I'm sure I'm going to be doing it, though.

Another "project" of mine is basically to pretend to be that one Chinese kid that's on top of things and productive- you know, the colour-coded candy-powered note-taking kid with all the highlighters and gel pens.

I've actually gotten some more progress on that dream, too- having sorted together all my paper, binders, and letter writing materials to slip into one of my bed drawers.

Looking pretty good- almost like I've got this little itty-bitty part of my life organized.

My mood's been really rocky as of recent- not like I'm feeling sour all the time but mood swings are definitely what's been up lately. Sucks, really, but I'll get over it. Social issues and miscommunication is what's been bothering me, but I think I'm at the end of that tunnel now as far as I can see.

Thankfully, I've gotten some really great friends that are absolutely wonderful to me and really just sweet.

I'll be okay.

<3Caramel

Is it too much to ask for a nap like this

I'm sorry dear professor but finishing this paper goes against my existence as a person and because of this I will not be doing it

A distinct lack of energy

Aaaaaaugh I just typed out an entire post and it was automatically deleted because I took too long. All I really need to write is that for some reason I’m getting tired. I’ll be at the mall later today so I’ll take lot of pictures of what I’m planning to get for my sweet sweet dream life.

<3 Caramel

Dissatisfaction

I really like my life as it is now, I get a few if not a decent amount of things done every so often, like music recitals and competitions and gigs every month or so.

School life is good enough, since I feel like I’d be okay with pretty much any environment. My friends are wonderful too, and they keep me company for the lionshare of the time I’m feeling lonely. They’re fun to talk to as well, and honestly one of the best parts of my life.

The problem is that I can’t help but dream of idealized versions of my life now- going back to that dream of being the stereotypical asian kid with neat handwriting and pocky and stationary of all matching colours. Aestheticism has a grip on me like nothing else, and sometimes I can daydream weeks away cooped up in my head, remembering none of what happened while I was up in the clouds. Social interaction in those times comes on its own, making up jokes and having entire conversations on autopilot without even being aware of what I’m talking about.

Most of my aesthetic wishes are the usual: being productive, matching colours and themes of everything I own, all in something pretty stereotypical of an asian girl (an example being my blog theme- all pink and cute even though I wasn’t a fan of pink when I made it), and, most regretfully of all, a friend group of kids who are all similar to my aesthetic ideal.

I love my current friends- so much so that they’re one of the only reasons why I bother going to school in person anymore. They’re fun and interesting to talk to, play games with me, and give me lots of support- but there’s always some kind of aspect missing from it all. 

I’d never let them go for the world- but when was the last time I had a sleepover? Went out with a cute group and looked for phone accessories? Braided one of my friend’s hair?

My current friend group is absolutely amazing, but I feel like I kind of left some of my planned childhood behind since I stopped having a super close friend group of girls in elementary school.

Is it so selfish to wish I had a group to bake with, to call each other pretty and cute, to tease about who they like, and to paint each other’s nails? Is it not such a wonderful thing to dress up in matching colours, garden with, and look up horoscopes together that you don’t even believe in, but still hope for like some fairy tale?

I really wish I were more of a girl, I’d suppose.

I really do wish that more people saw me as a girl. I hope it’s not too selfish to pray for?

can i come over and play for 10000 years

the cure to all sadness is indulging is nostalgic content nobody can prove me otherwise

do you believe in aliens

String theory!! >>

:)) I love aliens

no signal

I’ve done minimal work. 3 days remain until school