WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

You know what?

I love you, fics that take months to update. I click on the newest chapter and have no memory of this place and get to go back some chapters and rediscover how much i love everything about this story.

I love you, fics that take years to update. I think of you fondly, and know your names, go search for you and see an update from this year and scream, diving in uncaring of any missed details (i will finish the update and read you in reverse because this is a treat you have bestowed)

I love you, fics that probably will never update again. Thank you for being a roman empire for my mind, thank you for teaching me about the ephemeral fandom experience, for inspiring a thousand million what if-s, for being a comfort read and a nostalgia read and a reread.

I love you fic writers, who jump into projects and stories with enthusiasm. I love you when you succeed in pumping out those chapters and that love doesn't go away when you stop.

I love you fic writers who post and then get in your own head and never feel confident enough to update, whether it's at all or whether it's just that one story.

I love you fic writers, who have a fandom or media hurt you to the point of abandoning or having a hard time with their WIPs.

I love you fic writers, who lose interest or have life changes or illness or bad memory. Thank you for being part of the fandom, a core part of the fandom. Thank you for the time spent in the fandom.

I love you, fic writers who try out something new and then stop. You're so valid.

I love you, WIP fics that may or may not ever get finished. Thank you for brightening my day in the way only you could have.

Photography <3

☸ Find the Silver Linings in the sky ☸

Peachkisses turned 1 today!

Yes yes yes!!! It honestly shocks me that so many people see Neil as anything but smart and capable. My guy is so smart and scrappy when backed into a corner.

something i think about all the time is genuinely how smart and perceptive of a person neil is. like obv it's a running in joke within the fandom that he's oblivious asf sometimes, esp about emotional and relational things but i feel like it's a pretty large part of his character just how much he sees people, especially the people he's close to. it's also what makes him so good with words, and how he always seems to know what to say, because he's so good at taking stock of situations and people. why did the riko roast (all 29390431 of them) land so perfectly and hit riko's sore spot so well? because neil could see right through riko. even though they didn't even know each other, neil knows about riko's inferiority complex, his family issues (esp regarding his father) and he goes right for the throat. obviously his conversations with andrew are also another focal point because the reason why andrew genuinely seems to enjoy conversing with neil isn't just because he has a crush on him (tho that's definitely a part of it) it's the fact that neil understands andrew as a person, and knows where to push and where to give ground in the conversation. he asks all the right questions and almost always comes to the correct conclusions with the information andrew gives him. he understands and sees andrew so profoundly and that's why so many of his words hit andrew harder than they would if it came from someone else. when he says "i want to see you lose control" it's him telling andrew that he knows andrew isn't the out-of-control psycho everyone paints him as. it's him telling andrew that he knows andrew keeps his emotions to himself, but he isn't afraid of them. when neil tells andrew "if it means losing you, then no" he's communicating to andrew that even tho andrew promised to protect neil, neil isn't willing for andrew to come to harm in his stead and in order to protect him. he cares more about andrew than he does about keeping himself safe, and that's probably the first time anyone's ever expressed that towards him (aaron probably feels the same way, only he's never vocalised it so clearly). and i think if you really want proof of just how smart neil is with his words and his understanding of the situations he's in, just go read the negotiation scene with ichirou. he's almost entirely honest during that scene and says everything he feels in the ice-cold manner of a wesninski, which is what he's trying to convince ichirou he is. while we don't know exactly what convinced ichirou, neil's persuasion definitely plays a part in it. he knows what ichirou wants, and he knows the right angle to push where he can just make it out alive and fine. even just the scene after baltimore when he thanks wymack for taking a chance on him, he just has a way with words, like he isn't a very emotional person, but he conveys all his feelings so well in the way he speaks and what he says. and despite everyone saying he's a pathological liar, i genuinely think he's one of the most honest characters in the series.

nathaniel, neil, nathaniel, neil. andrew flips the two names around in his head like tossing a coin. heads or tails, the coin always comes up abram. nathaniel and neil are two sides of the same coin; forged in a dark basement, in musty hotel rooms, on the exy court. both hate sweets, love to run, to talk back any chance they get.

some days, the coin lands on nathaniel. jack makes one too many comments at practice and neil - no, nathaniel - has him on the ground, raquet to his neck in an instant. he can't hear what the strikers are saying but through the grate of the helment, andrew sees nathaniel's smile.

others, it lands on neil. andrew finds neil and matt splayed out on the couch, three movies deep into a "pop culture lesson". neil motions for andrew to sit and absently cards his fingers through the blond's hair. matt hides his grin in his sleeve.

but abram; he runs to andrew after each winning game to tap sticks, he sits each friday in columbia, talking about escape routes for an alien invasion, he keeps ice cream in the freezer and cigarettes in his backpocket.

heads or tails, doe or minyard, doe or minyard.

doe was made and unmade in california. 13 homes, 13 film reels constantly playing in the back of his mind, each scene driving the cuts deeper and deeper. andrew doe learns the danger of wanting and vows to keep everyone out.

minyard went to juvie for his brother. he crashed the car to keep him safe. he spent years on medication that sent him up up up to protect his cousin. minyard guards himself with knives sharper than his glare; he protects those that are his and fuck anyone else.

heads or tails, the coin starts to come up drew.

it starts small; quick grins in columbia at neil; shared dinners with aaron that don't end in a fight; something like excitment in his stomach before an exy game. when neil is hanging out with the upperclassman, he stays.

heads or tails; the coin lands on growth

Tell me I’m wrong

I can’t get over my obsession with Aftg, Neil, or Andrew

I still think about the fact that according to Nora, the man Neil and Kevin watched the Butcher murder in the East tower when they were kids was an assassin who came to murder Riko. And Riko MADE Kevin and Neil watch to send them a message. Especially Neil (you're dad works for ME and I can make him kill you too).

Then at the end of TKM Neil watches with satisfaction as Riko is murdered by his own brother who Neil manipulated into killing him. In the same east tower.

Also Tetsuji who tried to force Neil to bow was forced to bow his own head while his protégé was killed beside him and his exy career and legacy forever diminished.

Neil didn't just beat these guys at Exy is what I'm saying. Then he goes back to his team with a big grin on his face

When Jean thinks this about Neil RIGHT before the game where this all goes down:

"The smile that curved Nathaniel’s mouth was slow and hungry and hateful. It twitched a bit as Nathaniel tried to force it away, but he finally had to use the side of his hand to smooth it off his face. The look he turned on Jean was almost serene, but Jean still saw the madness in his eyes.”

I mean the layers to this are so good, I'm obsessed with the Neil/Nathaniel dynamic that goes on inside Neil

A.S.P.

AFTG is a very good example of narrator bias, because if we didn’t get a book from Jean and Jeremy’s POVs we would have no way of knowing the world does not actually in fact revolve around one Andrew Minyard

Vernazza, Liguria, Italy | by huangb