Mist

Door open in my room

Now I lie in my bed

my window is open wide

I don’t have to be outside to feel the cool breeze

I can hear so much

The wind

The birds

My dog’s breath

My pen on paper

Leaves rustling

Cars rushing by

My brother’s laughter

And the tapping of my own fingers

The sky is turning purple

With the purple comes comes a cloud of calm

And a gust of joy

I want it to stay this way

(Perfect temperature, perfect sounds, perfect peace)

Forever.

she has little moon earrings- i have star clips in my hair. she goes to the local community college and plans on transferring to the major university- im in a sorority and my life is intertwined in the large school's greek life. she's a local- im seven hours away. she grew up on vast expanses of land, caring for life and surrounded by her family's love- i grew up in a cluttered house that sucked the soul out of anyone who dares to enter and every time I go home i lose a little part of myself. she listens- i talk. she calls be pretty and for once, i believe it. she smiles and i laugh in her tiny car and we stare at each other in the lamp light of a small parking lot after missing our desert reservations. she walks me to my car and we both ask if we could kiss each other, our laughter ringing in the air next to the papa john's we had to bathroom break in because we asked at the same time. she hesitates so i pull her in and it isn't rushed or desperate, it's just gentle and full of potential for something beautiful and she cradles my face and my hands are on her hips and we're next to my beat up car. she tastes like the chocolate milkshake from earlier that night and i can only assume i taste of the cigarette i smoked earlier on that she called "hot". she is a middle child and im the eldest and we still talk and she didn't ghost me and oh, I think something beautiful can come out of this.

Free my woman she did all of it but I don’t care

someday 🐞

how am i going to get by how am i going to pay for so and so what am i going to do on my spare time so i can enjoy myself will i enjoy my life is it worth it to be alive is it worth it to go to work everyday

Haiku #1

Your hand is in mine  My heart beating close to yours  You, who made me love

untitled

I feel like I am totally invisible. At home and everywhere else. Like I could say something completely earth shattering, and nobody would even acknowledge me. 

I feel like everything I do is taken out of context, like I could be with someone who said something wrong, and it would be my fault. 

I feel like I will never be right. I can’t trust my own thoughts, so why should I expect others to?

I feel like I can’t share myself fully with anyone because I know that they would leave so fast.

I want to get better, and I am putting so much fucking effort into it. Into being, looking, feeling, smiling, crying better. But it isn't working. At what point is it no longer worth even trying?

i sit. i listen to my number one song from spotify wrapped 2023 concorde by black country new road. i think about dead poets society. NO YOU DON’T GET IT BECAUSE YOU LIKE CONCORDE I CAME A GENTLE HILL RACER I WAS BREATHLESS UPON EVERY MOUNTAIN JUST TO LOOK FOR YOUR LIGHT??? BUT FOR LESS THAN A MOMENT WE’D SHARE THE SAME SKY??? AND I’LL COME TO LIKE A CHILD BTW.

i am she. nail biter. skin picker. pube plucker. lip biter. eye crust flicker. knuckle cracker. eyelash puller. leg bouncer.