Mute

I can freely admit that I didn't deserve them. Not then. Not with all the pain I've caused them.

I just checked this out, and wow, thank you for introducing me to such a beautiful song. It does remind me of our dynamic. She was love of course, and I was hate.

I knew I loved you then, but I didn't tell

You've only fallen and I wasn't well

Cold, cold days with arms wrapped mine

Flowers were wilting, and you're looking for a sign

I want to be better, you want me to be yours

I keep screaming, screaming 'till my voice is hoarse

But you didn't know, didn't know 'cause you were deaf and blinded

I was paralyzed, trying to be found, you're lost, we're both stranded

I was rage, you were kindness, we made a home out of lies

Second chances, third ones, a promise that flies

A pair of wings growing while one withers away

I will never deserve you, I didn't ask for you to stay.

Words, Words, Words

I write not because it make things better. I write because it's the only thing I know. And I know it's dumb. Words are very unreliable, yet it's the only thing I could hold on to. It's my rope. I know people tend to break them every time, but I don't care. I'll still hold on to it like its my last piece of thread. And maybe that's the reason behind my brokenness. Because I try to latched on the thing that people barely keep. But I can't help it. Words, writing them down, it doesn't always make everything clearer, but for me, it's the only thing that makes sense. The only constant in my life that I could turn to no matter what. And there's no word for everything. There are feelings and experiences that I cannot fathom into phrases or sentences. But somehow, when everything is fading too fast, and I'm alone and lost and confused, these breakable, limited words became enough for me. Not enough to be fine and happy, but enough to survive. And I hope it'll be enough for another day, because I honestly don't know what to do if it isn't.

Spellbound

You smile and I feel myself melt

Are these the cards I was dealt?

For I'd certainly lose in the depth of your eyes

In that honey in your voice as it whisper lies

I should turn my back, I know better than this

But I'm dying to get a taste of your lips

So spin me around, play my strings

Make me dance, make me sing

I'm just another fool to dance right to your web

And I'll stay 'till your interests reach its lowest ebb.

Poetry

Deny

We're here again, stuck in the same place

With flames in my eyes, tears streaking through your face

I can see the tension you carry, the way your shoulders sag

All I did was raise your red flags

I can't be your hero, can't love you the way you want me to

So why won't you go, why not leave too?

Why won't you fight? You deserve someone better

Don't weigh yourself down with me, I'm a monster

Believe what you believe, but I can't be, I can't be better.

I've learned to love darkness as if it is light

Learned not to chase what eluded my sight

So before you try and make me feel okay

Be reminded that I prefer the stillness of night than the buzzing of day

I've learned to enjoy the battles, the wounds, the scars

The monster, the demons, the way they are

We clash, we fight for this body, this mind

But their company, I can never leave behind.

Smoke

Does my love make you feel good?

Does it make you feel things you thought you never would?

A slave to your evey whim

Offered my light so yours won't dim

Is this all we are?

The moon and the dying star

Is this what you meant when you promised me something real?

When I have nothing left to give, will you love me still?

Do you make me feel good?

Not anymore, but I wish you would, I wish you would.