One-sided(?) Chat

I absolutely adore the way you drew them here!!! They have that perfect awkward teenage look

Oh I love them so dearly I wish them all happiness I want to see them struck by lightning

Everytime I try to lock in but can't I say I'm locked out

demisexuality can be so hard to explain because it’s misconstrued as you just wanting to trust the other person before you have sex with them. and I get why the misconception happens. But demisexuality differs in that there isn’t sexual attraction at all before that bond forms.

I think what people have difficulty with is the idea that there are people out there who aren’t experiencing sexual attraction at all until a certain point, if ever, because we’re taught that sex, libido, and sexual attraction are all the same, both in and out of queer spaces.

And when you’re learning about asexuality and demisexuality, you may learn that people have romantic and aesthetic attraction separately from sexual attraction, and that sexual and romantic attraction aren’t necessarily intertwined, and that may challenge your worldview on sex.

But “I trust you enough to have sex with you” isn’t the same as “I’m not sexually attracted to anyone but you, and the reason I’m sexually attracted to you now after we’ve established this close bond is literally because of the bond of trust we’ve been able to form”.

It’s easy to see how those can get conflated. On the surface, if you’re unfamiliar with asexuality, they may sound the same. But it’s important to acknowledge the difference between “no sex until I trust you” and “no sexual attraction unless I trust you and maybe not even then”.

Demisexuality is housed under the asexuality spectrum. It’s part of the gray area between being allosexual and asexual. It’s part of why the definition for asexuality includes “little to no sexual attraction”. It’s a mostly asexual experience with an asterisk.

While being demisexual may have impacts on a persons sexual activity, even demisexuals have a varied relationship to the act of participating in sex. Libido and sexual attraction are not always intertwined either, which can make telling the difference tricky.

I think of sexual attraction as libido that has a compass. Since I rarely ever experience sexual attraction, but do have libido, it’s noticeable for me when that libido actually has a direction to go, rather than being a floating, nebulous, independent thing.

Remember, not everyone is demisexual. There’s a difference between waiting to have sex and not having sexual attraction at all until a certain point. This also inherently ties demisexuality to romantic attraction and relationships, and not all demisexuals are alloromantic.

But if you read what demisexuality is and think “everyone is like that” or “that’s just being a woman”, you either 1) are demisexual 2) don’t understand what it is or 3) both. And it’s okay to not know. Just as long as you’re willing to try to learn.

weevil 756

via

"You can't have [experience] because you don't identify as [label]!!!" how do I explain to people that experiences exist outside of and prior to the formation of specific language to talk about them

"You can't have [experience] because you don't think of it through [framework/explanation/etc]!!!" how do I explain to people that experiences exist outside of and prior to any formal cosmology, hypotheses, or explanation assigned to them

too busy to draw💀💀

Getting back into traditional sketching and working on my shapes!

I find the "debate" about trans people in bathrooms so frustrating. My campus has all gender restrooms all over campus. Some of them are singles but the others are a row of stalls with doors that go from ceiling to floor. There's an indicator when they're locked. That's the way all bathrooms should be imo. You literally cannot tell who is in which stall and the only shared space is washing your hands. If you're not comfortable washing your hands around a trans person that is just bigotry.

posted this on my instagram, but wanted to add it here, too