A FUCKING DIVORCE

Although I like how the bathroom-fight in HBP turned out I always wondered how everything would have gone if it wasn’t Harry that had walked in:

Draco heard the door open, he quickly turned around, wand positioned. His eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks were stained with tears. He gasped when he saw who had just walked in. From all the people he thought it could’ve been, from Potter to some second year that just had to go to the bathroom, this was not who he had expected in the least. In the doorway stood a little startled Minerva McGonall. Draco was quickly trying to wipe away the tears, but that didn’t help much. Then he immediately stopped when a clear voice rang through the room. “Mister Malfoy, what’s wrong?” He felt stunned. He suddenly forgot how to speak and tried to mutter something about how he was fine, but the woman didn’t give up. It pained her that a boy, a student of hers, was being hurt this bad. “Mister Malfoy, I can see when someone is ‘fine’ and this certainly isn’t the case.” And with that Draco just gave up. He gave up trying to hide his emotions, he gave up trying to keep his secrets, he gave up being strong, because if anything, he has never felt weaker. So he started talking, you could almost call it yelling, but he didn’t have the energy to yell. He told her about his dark mark and that he was a death eater, he told her about making fun of the golden trio, he told her about Voldemort living in his house and he told her about his mission to kill Dumbledore. After he was done ranting he was out of breath and fell to the floor. He sat in a fetal position with his knees to his chest and his face in his hands. He couldn’t bare to look at the professor knowing that he would probably be expelled after this. Minerva was still shocked by the information she just got. However, this was not what her mind was with. She was actually thinking of how this broken boy reminded her of someone. Someone who also had troubles at home, a rather abusive and unsupportive family and had followed Lord Voldemort. That person had became a death eater and as soon as he realised what he had done, the mistake that he had made, he had came to her. The boy that Draco reminded her of, was none other than Regulus Black. He had followed the wrong side and regretted it. But she hadn’t been able to save him. She is able to save the boy in front of her. Draco, who was still crying and waiting for the storm, wondering why it didn’t come, was startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and through his tears he saw professor McGonagall standing over him with a small, sad smile. He dried his eyes a little, confused to why she wasn’t getting angry with him. She then spoke. “Come to my office, we have to talk about this, I’m going to help you.” He processed this and the slowly nodded his head, stunned that he wasn’t packing yet. He did one last attempt to dry his tears and then Minerva removed he hand to give him some space. He slowly stood up and grabbed his bag. Then he followed the lady towards her office, wondering what would happen next.

not to keep sounding like a Killmonger apologist but like… if T’Challa hadn’t killed him?? this would be such a great time to have a conveniently murderous cousin in the palace basement. “look alive and suit up, asshole. you’ve got anger issues and we’ve got approximately 7000 aliens in the backyard. get to work.” [Okoye yeets Killmonger out a window into the middle of the fight]

Angela Montenegro, Abigail Sciuto, and Penelope Garcia would get along so well and they would be an absolutely UNSTOPPABLE gang.

Upon learning of the chaotic vodka family, the rest of the Avengers would full heartedly believe that Natasha houses the one brain cell. How could she not? She’s Natasha.

To the surprise of all, Melina is the one who houses the brain cell in this family of chaos.

I never knew I needed this until now

Tony Stark and Peter Parker’s hugging evolution

She Has a Degree in Accounting Too, You Know

Pepper Potts always told people that she was hired as Tony’s personal secretary because his last one had quit, he needed a new one, and she was there. The truth, however, is that Tony had known she was qualified from the get-go. 

He noticed ALL of his employees. Didn’t matter if it was a member of the board or the janitor who works nights on Thursdays, Fridays, and Sundays. Tony notices things. It’s basically the only thing that’s keeping him from going off the deep end. He hates dealing with business. He’s always preferred inventions to talking to people about things like stock and commercials and how his public image will affect the sales. (The board acts like him going out with a model is going to bring stock points down or whatever. It’s not going to.) 

Tony notices Virginia Potts six months before he hires her and the day that she started working for the department she was supposed to be in. She was supposed to work as a manager of sorts for accounting, and from what Tony heard from his good friend Tanya down there, Virginia was scarily good at what she did. Ms. Potts didn’t fuck around with anyone, never accepted less than perfection, but was also incredibly understanding of financial situations and compromise. Tony nodded and carried on with his invention. He thought the board would really like The Jericho. He, of course, named it. The irony was fitting. 

Virginia is known for zero tolerance. Men call her various names along the line of “Frigid Bitch,” “Slut,” and “Prude.” Most of these terms contradicted each other, and Tony leveled the “we’re-just-talking” insults with a steady gaze. “She’s not a slut or a prude because she does her job better than you can,” he says flippantly. “Speaking of which, Peterson! Your numbers have down for two months. I’m having you step down, Alejandres is taking your spot.” Peterson glowers, but Tony honestly can’t bring himself to give a shit. 

Virginia Potts unflinchingly deals with businessmen who call her things like “darling,” sweetheart,” or “girly.” She kindly tells them that they are not allowed to refer to her as such. Her name is Ms. Potts, not any iteration. They grumble as she grins and tears their “deals” apart with a smile as sharp as a shark’s tooth. Her hair is never out of place as she shuts down employees who are being rude. Tony lets each one go with a talk about workplace discrimination under their belts. Howard and Obie may have tolerated it, but Tony will not. 

Virginia Potts points out an accounting mistake that would have cost the company around two million dollars. The accounting person insists that they have it right, and if she’s so sure that the person with a degree in their field is wrong, then they can take it up with Tony Stark Himself. Virginia looks over the sheet one more time. 

“I have a degree in accounting too,” she primly informs him. “But of course, Mr. Stark is the expert of his own company. I’ll set up an appointment.” 

She meets him a week later in his office when he’s trying to make a leaning tower of cantaloupe squares. She’s wearing her finest pencil skirt and blazer, heels tall enough to kill a man, and levels him with an unimpressed gaze. 

“Mr. Stark. I’m here to discuss an accounting mistake.” Tony’s fruit tower is knocked down as he glances at the paper. 

“Who was about to cost the company two million dollars because they refused to recheck their math?” 

“Tom Martin.” 

“Have someone tell him he needs to clear his desk by Monday. That’s unacceptable.” She raises her eyebrow at him. 

“I’m not your messenger, Mr. Stark.” He smiles for a split-second. If she accepted the job proposition, then she would be great at it. 

“Would you like to be? I’m in the market for a new personal assistant.” 

“Did you get bored with the other one?” Virginia asks. She seems to realize her remark was a hair too unprofessional, but doesn’t relent. Tony laughs. 

“You have a little bit of a kick to you, don’t you?” Tony asks. “I’m calling you Pepper. Would you like to be a personal assistant? I promise you that you, at least, won’t be bored.” She’s apprehensive. 

“Don’t call me Pepper. What do I do?” 

“I’m calling you Pepper. You do a lot of things. Drag me to board meetings, help me be a regular person to the outside world, and get a bump in pay.” 

“Fine.” 

Pepper Potts is…scary. She’s unafraid of calling Tony out on his bullshit behavior. She’s the drive behind his evolving fashion sense. (”You have money to buy a tailored suit that fits,” she says. “You’re getting one. I booked the appointment for one. If you don’t go, I’ll drag you there by the ear.”) She always looks put together and almost never has a hair out of place unless she gets to the workshop and manhandles him out from under a car. 

“That’s a Tin Lizzy!” Tony hisses. “You can’t touch her like that! She’s a classic!” 

“You’re about to get a classic, public dressing down by me if you don’t move and get dressed for the board meeting,” she hisses right back. “I packed you a lunch. Go.” Tony grumbles. She packed a goddamn Lunchable with a smiley face Post-It that says “since you’re being such a little bitch :)”

Tony kind of loves her. 

She understands a lot more about business than even Tony gave her credit. Sometimes, she’ll even contribute ideas. Pepper always nervously laughs and says she could never be in such a high position of power. 

Tony feigns laziness and has her decide an executive decision. 

It’s a start. 

So when Pepper laughs with one of her business friends about how Tony impulse-hired her on the spot because his last one had quit, Tony always grins. 

if the rhodey show ends up being a thing (which im hoping it does but im not going to give myself hope just in case), i’ll only say this, marvel: 

introduce roberta rhodes

what’s funnier, albus dumbledore swearing his way through every great hall speech, or albus dumbledore legally not being allowed to say fuck

the “tumblr community invents a whole mafia movie apparently directed by martin scorsese with an official soundtrack, movie posters, screen caps, and all enough to make one question if that movie really did exist at all like a mandela effect” was not part of my 2022 bingo card

When I have a slight inconvenience:

I guess it’s time to dream up another plot line/read fanfic