Bitchnuggetsam - Petty Queen

Happy Oíche Shamhna!

Fun fact the Irish headless horseman called the Dullahan or Gan ceann (without head) uses a whip made from human spines or femur bones to whip the living's eyes out if seen. When it comes to Halloween Irish mythology takes no chill.

self care is drinking 3 pots of coffee and getting into a knife fight w god

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

introduction + giveaway !! (please read rules)

hello everyone!

this is my first post on this studyblr! I’ve had another studyblr before, but I wanted a fresh start and I thought making a different one would be the best way to do so!

on my old studyblr, I was always meaning to have a giveaway to thank my followers but I never got the chance to, so I decided to have one right now!

1st place prize:

AN iPAD MINI IN GOLD (view here)

2nd place prize:

a Kånken Classic Backpack in any color (view backpack and colors here)

ban.do 17 month large agenda in ice blue (view here)

5 retractable highlighter pens from muji (view here)

Kipling 100 pens pencil case in color frond black (view here)

any two books of your choice under $30 USD each !!

3rd place prize:

Leuchtturm Notebook, Squared, 5.75 x 8.25 inches in black (view here)

ban.do write on assorted pen set (view here)

ban.do hot stuff thermal mug in ice blue (view here)

ban.do get it together pencil pouch (view here)

ban.do sticky note set (view here)

RULES:

must be following me (I know I don’t have a lot of content right now but I sincerely promise that I definitely will soon !!)

each reblog counts as an entry (so you can reblog as many times as your heart desires !!)

I will choose the winner through random.org

If you are under 18, you must have parental/guardian consent before entering

your ask box must be open

the winners will have 72 hours to respond

feel free to message me if you have any questions, and thank you for welcoming me into the community!

“Are you currently on fire? No? Then it’s not a fire hazard!”

My Master Electrician (via crescentwrenches)

“Just switch out the C clamp on that one…. Nevermind”

when hamilton says “am I talking too loud? sometimes i get overexcited, shoot off at the mouth” he’s trying to follow burr’s advice of being more personable and keeping his opinions to himself then immediately after that his new friends say LET’S GET THIS GUY IN FRONT OF A CROWD and i don’t think they had any idea what kind of a pandora’s box they opened at that moment by encouraging him

If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.

Self care is chugging too-strong espresso to forget how emotionally dependent you are on others