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No, Shipping Zutara Is Not Supporting Amatonormativity (Please Use Some Fucking Braincells For Once)

- a treatise by a severely pissed off aroace zutara shipper

since words don’t mean anything anymore (if they ever did on the esteemed piss-on-the-poor website), let’s start with a definition.

amatonormativity: the set of social assumptions that everyone prospers with a romantic relationship, thereby positioning marriage as a universal goal of adult life. amatonormativity forms the basis of several institutional structures that are built to cater to romantic bonds over all others, also manifesting in social pressure on individuals to find a romantic partner by pushing the false narrative that those who do not experience romance are automatically lonely, unhappy and unfulfilled. it is usually characterized by the prioritization of romantic love over other forms of love, particularly platonic.

the anti-zutara argument based on this is as follows: wanting zutara to happen is amatonormative because it a) devalues zuko and katara’s platonic bond b) pushes the idea that men and women can’t be friends and c) doesn’t align with the themes of the show, as romantic love was never the point of atla.

i would like to take the time today to tell you that this is some fucking bullshit, for the following reasons:

one, this may come as a shock to some of you, but zutara shippers did not invent the concept of romantic love in avatar: the last airbender. you are more than welcome to criticize the pairings of suki/sokka, katara/aang, mai/zuko, yue/sokka, jin/zuko, jet/katara, and even kanna/pakku for perpetuating amatonormativity through their unnecessary romantic subplots. and if you don’t have anything to say about any of those pairings, then here’s a word for you: hypocrite.

zk shippers are not introducing the taint of romantic love into some kind of wholesome platonic utopia where it never existed. when we say zutara should have been canon, it is a statement that ends with the implicit instead of kat.aang and mai.ko tacked on at the back because if we were going to get a romantic relationship anyway, it might as well have been one that was well-developed, narratively impactful, and thematically relevant.

two, saying zutara is amatonormative is fucking rich when the main “romance” of atla is a three season long struggle to get out of the friendzone. aang’s desire to be in a romantic relationship with katara is one of his primary motivations throughout the show, and not once does either he or the narrative ever entertain the thought that just being katara’s friend might be enough. to the contrary, aang’s crush and the potential of its reciprocation is a fundamental part of how the story gets its audience to invest in both his character and the kat.aang relationship. they want you to want him to get the girl, and that’s the driving force of the ship’s development from start to finish.

you can see the influence of this in the way people defend why kat.aang had to happen: “aang would be crushed!” “it would break aang’s heart!” “aang deserves to be happy!” and that in and of itself is more amatonormative than any version of romantic zutara, as if this idea that aang is somehow doomed to a life of misery and loneliness just because he can’t be with the girl he likes isn’t inherently based on the assumption that platonic love can’t be as meaningful and satisfying as romantic love.

three, let’s be so fucking fr: a show written by cishet men in the early 2000s was not “subverting amatonormativity” by not making zutara happen, especially not when they went for the fucking olympic gold of romantic cliches — the hero gets the girl trope — instead. otherwise, why did the entire show end with an uncomfortably long liplock? if romance would’ve devalued zuko and katara’s platonic bond, then what the everloving fuck happened to their friendship in the comics and the legend of korra?

it is blatantly false to say that zutara shippers are the ones devaluing their platonic bond when the creators did it first. they evidently don’t view zutara’s platonic bond as equal to kat.aang’s romantic one, judging by their treatment of both relationships in the comics and LOK and the fact that they talked about kat.aang “winning” the ship war in the first place. because if the two relationships were of equivalent standing, why would there be a winner and a loser at all?

amatonormativity is baked into the DNA of atla, and while some people choose to reject this framework entirely (zk friendship >>> ka romance anyday), it is also not wrong for zk shippers to be annoyed at the treatment zutara received within the context of said framework. since the creators clearly thought a romantic relationship was better than a platonic one, they could at least have picked the couple that actually made sense instead of adding insult to injury by making that romance kat.aang. it is not amatonormative to acknowledge that zutara was not afforded the distinction it should have been in the eyes of those who wrote it, because it’s obvious that the decision to keep zuko and katara’s relationship platonic wasn’t to respect their friendship, but to position them as inferior to kat.aang.

four, detractors of romantic zutara often argue that their platonic relationship is inherently better & i’ve discussed before why that isn’t the case, but i also hate this argument because it’s perpetuating the very thing that aromantic people are trying to get rid of in the first place: the hierarchization of love. it is not the “gotcha!” you think it is to genuinely state that platonic love is better than romantic love, because it’s still buying into the idea that there’s some kind of order to categorizing human relationships. the solution to amatonormativity isn’t changing what form of love gets to be at the top of the list — it’s doing away with the hierarchy entirely.

i ship zuko and katara because canon already gave me their friendship. i already know what their platonic relationship looks like and that gives me more room for imagination in developing their romantic one because it’s a place canon didn’t go.

at the end of the day, friendship and romance are just different avenues of exploring intimacy. neither is inherently more valuable than the other, and neither is inherently more problematic. and if you truly believe in dismantling amatonormative beliefs, you would recognize that making a distinction between the two is only perpetuating the problem, not challenging it.

friendship IS romance : 1. / 2. / 3. fleabag / 4. / 5. / 6. / 7. / 8. a little life, hanya yanagihara  / 9. / 10. 

my mom says she’s not a hugger. but when i put my arms around her on a gloomy day or after bad news she’s the last to let go. my dad says he doesn’t want gifts on his birthday, but i see the way his face light up when i get him a card with a nice message and a box full of chocolate anyway. he’s just a kid inside, still. it makes him giddy. my brother never says i love you. but when i tell him “i just need to finish the dishes before i vacuum!” he wordlessly goes to vacuum the entire house before i can, and if he sees me struggle with a wrapper or a jar or a bottle he mutters ‘c’mere’ and opens it for me without even sparing me a glance. the thing is, people love you quietly, and you love them quietly, and the air is buzzing with tiny but grand gestures & once you look for them, you find them everywhere. i think that’s really beautiful.

I still have some thoughts about season 3, and I'm sure as hell gonna throw them out there.

So, after watching the new season I realised something with full force. Up until now I felt kinda bad about thinking critically about Eric's choices.

But oh, not anymore do I feel bad about it.

Because you see, seeing as his personality basically went to the shitter this season at first I thought "hey, that's so unexpected!". But then I realised, it wasn't unexpected at all.

A lot of people gave Adam shit back in season 2, because Eric cheated with him on Rahim.

But like... Eric cheated on Rahim.

It was Eric's decision to:

1. Kiss Adam during detention.

2. See him when he reached out after coming back from military school, throwing pebbles at Eric's window that first time.

And it was Eric's decision to continue meeting Adam at night behind Rahim's back, the pieces of broken porcelain on his nightstand a testament to the fact that he kept on making the choice to go back to Adam despite being in a relationship already.

And then, he said Adam's full of shame and that, essentially, he can't be with him if Adam isn't out.

So, Adam came out to the entire school, by declaring his feelings for Eric.

But it still isn't enough for Eric.

Because now he wants Adam to come out to his mum. And Eric seems to suddenly have zero idea about how strained Adam's relationship with both of his parents is. Even though in the first two seasons he seemed really perceptive when it came to Adam. It seemed he could see right through Adam's thick shell, having at least the faintest idea that there must be something more to this guy than what meets the eye.

Adam is trying so hard to be the person that Eric wants him to be. In season 3 Rahim asks Adam "and what about you? What do you like?", and honestly, I'm shocked by how refreshing such treatment of Adam was. Because nobody except Ola seemed genuinely interested in Adam himself before, in his thoughts and what he has to say. I honestly thought I could include Eric in that little group, but now I see very clearly, that I can't, and I never really could.

And then of course there's also the issue of the two of them having sex.

Eric really wants to, and Adam does too it would seem, but he has trouble voicing what it is he actually wants.

And it just worries me, because this is the second instance of Adam being under the pressure to have specific kind of sex with his partner, and he isn't given understanding or patience in the matter.

What's bad is that it also makes it seem like only the kind of sex when you're inside someone or someone is inside you is "real" sex and real, ultimate form of intimacy, and that if you don't get that in your relationship, it somehow nullifies all other instances of intimacy that aren't inherently sexual in nature.

Can we form a prayer circle with the thought that third time's the charm and that the next person Adam's dating will be patient and understanding with him in all matters, including intimacy and sex?

Eric thinks Adam is embarrassing quite a lot in season 3, and gives him way less credit than is due. Slowly I started to realise that Eric never really saw Adam for who he was.

And Adam was trying so hard. He was learning to be vulnerable and open, he said "I love you" first, he was getting out of his comfort zone to make Eric happy. But it still isn't enough for Eric.

Because now he's at a family wedding in Nigeria and he meets a stranger who brings him to a club and kisses him.

And Eric admits to it and instead of just apologising and saying that it didn't mean anything, he says that it meant something. He says that it wasn't nothing.

Adam has been trying so hard to be someone deserving of Eric's love, and yet he wasn't enough. Again.

Do you perhaps wonder whether he heard his father's voice in his head at that moment?

Do you think that the boy he loved so much suddenly reminded him so vividly of the man who by all accounts was supposed to love him, but somehow always managed to only bring him down, make him feel like he meant nothing?

Because I do.

I think that Adam's heart got absolutely shattered on that bridge.

We'll burn the bridge when we get to it, eh?

I think that he has been feeling like less than enough for so many years, and now, suddenly having this person he loved, and who he thought loved him, he saw a little light at the end of the tunnel.

Only to have this light be snuffed out right in front of his eyes.

Because I don't think Eric really loved Adam, or that he loved Rahim for that matter. I think that perhaps Eric knew what kind of love he wanted in theory, so he was following a script he has written in his head. But when reality sets in and he gets bored, or he realises that his boyfriend isn't the way he would like him to be exactly, he goes and cheats, feeling no remorse whatsoever.

And just, I hate that. I hate that so much.

And I most of all hate the girlbossification of the moment right after he broke up with Adam. It was framed by the narrative as some sort of triumph, an "everybody makes mistakes" kind of moment. A "we're wild, young and free, let's live our lives and think of the consequences later". Not to mention that it was mixed with the atmosphere of the end of Otis' arc this season, which was feeling very life affirming given that his mum was on the brink of death, but she was now okay, and he also had his newborn little sister.

But Eric Effiong is not Hannah Montana.

He has now hurt two people in a very similar manner, all because he has not taken the time to know himself or know what he truly wants. In the end I would not be surprised if it was Eric that is actually full of shame that is just laying unresolved and covered with obscene amounts of fake confidence.

But we will see about that, won't we?

In the end, both Eric and Otis have hurt some people really badly this season, and making it feel appropriate to end the season on a high note with that thought in mind is just in poor taste in my opinion.

I really, genuinely hope that Eric will get his shit together in season 4. Because as of right now, I really cannot stand him. He used to be who I considered to be the best character on the show, but now I can say with full confidence that he is not.

Finding yourself should not be an excuse for treating people like shit. You can really do that without breaking hearts.

But I guess Eric doesn't know that, does he?

“aren’t you tired of being nice” no!!!! i’m tired of everyone else being mean!!!!!!!!

I don't think I've seen anybody talk about how absolutely insane The Boiling Rock is from Hakoda's perspective.

Imagine getting captured, and your son tells you that you won't be apart for too long. That's sweet, but obviously your son has no resources to spare for organizing a breakout. You hope that the Avatar can defeat the Fire Lord soon - that's the earliest time you could hope to be rescued.

You get put into a temporary holding facility until the guards can sort out who is who. After a while, they put you on a prisoner transport to the Boiling Rock. Your captors try to intimidate you by telling you that it's the highest security prison in the Fire Nation, probably the whole world. It's far away from the capital.

You arrive at the Boiling Rock. It really is in the middle of a boiling lake. There's only one way in or out, and it's a gondola that takes you above the boiling lake. You meet the warden. They take you to your cell. You settle down to wait for the end of the war.

And 15 minutes later Sokka comes in like "hey dad I'm here I got the prince of the Fire Nation and an Earth Kingdom ninja leader gf ok let's go I'm busting you out"

Adam: *said I love you first, is a bottom, lets Eric do his makeup when they’re alone and very clearly enjoys it, is actively working on communicating better with Eric abt his feelings, worked hard to befriend Otis for Eric, is consistently putting himself out of his comfort zone for Eric’s benefit despite the turmoil in his family life and internalized homophobia and self hatred, is writing a poem for his boyfriend, and then proceeds to FORGIVE HIM FOR CHEATING ON HIM AND BASICALLY APOLOGIZES FOR ‘CAUSING IT’ AND PROMISES TO TRY TO PUSH HIMSELF FURTHER OUT OF HIS COMFORT ZONE*

Eric: 🤩I’m breaking up with you and I’m ~saying~ it’s not your fault but I’m saying it’s because you’re not on my level of queerness yet (read: I’m better than you) which basically means I’m breaking up with you because there’s something wrong with you(so its ‘not your fault’ but it is because of you)! I know you’re out to the entire school and we kissed in front of your dad but you’re not out to your mom yet — I expected you to come out to everyone on the planet the day we started dating! and oh yeah, cheating on you with a stranger I’ll probably never see again on a 1 week vacation was more enjoyable for me than our tender and loving relationship and I’m going to heavily imply that cheating or as I like to call it my ~moment of freedom~ was a result of your shortcomings. I’m gonna just walk away now without any remorse or emotions on my face even though you’re clearly heartbroken and trying not to cry — oops you’re crying now sorry bye 🚴 toodles! 🤩

You know is bad when a majority of the audience has been talking non stop about Ruby and Otis instated of the "main couple" that recently had their first kiss. I don’t think the writers anticipated the insane chemistry between Asa and Mimi. This proves again that it doesn’t matter if a certain pairing has the trope and slow burn, if the writing is repetitive and uneventful and the actors don’t have romantic chemistry people will 100% jump to the one that does. They truly made a big mistake by exploring Ruby and Otis and then ending them so abruptly to simply go back to the same narrative. People is actually pissed.

I swear 90% of anti Zutara posts are just Kat-aang fans projecting their own dislike about their canon ship onto Zutara.

Zuko brings out the worst in her? Aang refused to acknowledge her pain and grief, and constantly encouraged her to suppress any negative emotions.

Katara would be a powerless if she marred Zuko? She spent her entire adult life confined to Air Temple island, away from her tribe, rarely venturing like 20 minutes into Republic City to help people (unless you count banning blood bending, a technique with a lot of practical value, and doing nothing to enforce that ban, but that's another story).

Katara would be Zuko's trophy wife? The series ends with Aang and Katara kissing, because Katara's affection toward Aang are him being rewarded for being the Avatar.

They'd fight too much? Zuko and Katara reconcile after they fight and work together as an amazing team. Meanwhile, Katara and Aang have serious problems at the end of the series that end in explosive fights and they never get resolved.

Zutara is too physical? They hug once. Kat-aang kisses four times (two of which were non consensual, one of which was under duress), Aang checks her out multiple times in the series and fantasizes about kissing her, but they almost never have intimate conversations where Katara gets to open up, unless she is sharing her grief for his benefit.

Zutara fans only like it because Zuko is hot? Aang looks like a small child, especially when compared to Katara.

Zutara fans just like the bad boy/good girl trope? Katara is "darker" then Aang (and Kat-aang fans, apparently) want to admit. Her strong sense of justice, i.e. the thing that makes her "good," is just as rooted in anger as it is empathy.

They'd bring out the worst in each other? Aang is entitled, angry and irresponsible when it comes to Katara, and Katara is a pushover and shortsighted when it comes to Aang.

Zutara would be abusive? Aang lashes out at Katara when he gets angry or jealous, even when that jealousy comes from actors in a shitty play she had no control over.

It's a colonizer/colonized relationship? Aang has no respect for Katara's culture: he mocks her food, her beliefs, he tries to impose his cultural values on her, and post-A:tLA he rejects their waterbending child and denies their airbending access to his watertribe heritage, and Katara stays away from her people for nearly their entire relationship.

Zutara fans are delusional and deny canon? You can acknowledge something and not like it, criticize it and create fanon content that differs from it. That's not denial, that's critical thinking and creativity. But if Kat-aang fans are so in love with all aspects of canon, they are welcome to embrace at "The Ember Island Players" and "Love is a Battlefield."

Zutara would be toxic? Look at Kat-aang.

otis and ruby went through a pregnancy scare together, otis’ first time was with ruby, ruby’s first time falling in love was with otis, otis has never been more carefree than when he was with ruby, otis is the only person in ruby’s life that has been to her house and met her dad AND I AM SUPPOSED TO ROOT FOR MAEVE AND OTIS??????????????????? nah