#sissyGoals

Structure and Self-Care for Unowned Submissives

I received a note recently asking me if I had any reference materials that focused on providing structure for a submissive who is currently without a Dominant. I didn’t, but I thought it was a good opportunity to write about it.

While I’ve never had a formal system, I have found in both in the time before I identified as a submissive, and in the times since, when I was without a Dom, that I naturally gravitate toward providing myself with a certain amount of structure. (To be clear I have always been a submissive, but I did not always have the words to identify as such.)

Creating structure for yourself in the absence of a Dom comes down to self care. You want to create routines for yourself that enforce predictability and healthy habits.  

Some examples of things you might consider establishing as ‘rules’:

Going to bed by no less than 7 hours before you have to wake. Being out of bed by a set time, even when you have nowhere to be. (say 10am?) Regular exercise several times a week. Reading a certain amount of pages per week. Getting a vegetable with every meal. Keep regular contact with friends and family members. (perhaps 1 call per week to 2-3 people) Do all the dishes before bed each day. Keep a chore list of things that need to be done each day, week, and month.

One you’ve decided the things you will be focusing on you may find it helpful to establish rewards for yourself. Some people, (like myself) who are organized by nature, may find reward just in having the routine, but for others there has to be incentive to motivate them.

You might consider taking out  some money from the bank in one dollar bills, and placing a dollar in a jar each time you successfully follow one of your own rules. At the end of each week or month you can use that money to buy yourself something special. If this doesn’t seem like something you’d abide by, money is tight, or you generally just buy what you want anyway, then you might consider orgasm control instead. Put yourself on denial, and give yourself a point for each task completed. When you manage to reach a set number of points you allow yourself an orgasm.

There are a lot of reward systems out there but the basics of giving yourself structure are in creating beneficial routines, and motivations for doing them. It doesn’t have to be formal charts if that seems like drudgery to you.

You can reward yourself within the system. It can be as simple as when you get to bed on time all week you allow yourself to sleep in on weekends.Or making yourself wait to have any snacks/treats for the day until your work/chores are done. There are endless possibilities really, what matters is that you feel motivated to continue taking proper care of yourself.

http://anythingtoplease.tumblr.com

Oh my:-(

Sounds like you’ll be locked for years!

(The following is an insightful piece written by Tumbelina, a lady who is very much a converted chastity advocate)

(The following is an insightful piece written by Tumbelina, a lady who is very much a converted chastity advocate)

The funny thing is that the sight of a cock lock and the idea of male chastity, would make even the most open minded vanilla person cringe. Most view this concept as a twisted fetish, very one sided by way of benefits for a woman, and as being cruel to endure on a man’s part.

However, what many fail to see is that Mother Nature by default causes an imbalance in relationships between a man and a woman. Women are at a disadvantage, and by design the male sex libido prevents a man from fully investing in a relationship to the extent a woman does. He is unable to do so, because he requires a part of himself to be reserved for his own sexual needs and his impulsive self gratification cycle. This cycle in itself, comes with chemical changes in the body, of which cause a diminished level of investment on his part.

If more vanilla people knew this, women would be running out and buying cock locks like they did back when they lost their minds over 50 Shades of Grey. Vanilla men don’t want women to catch on to this, as their relationships would cause them to divorce their dicks or risk divorcing their wives.

How does male chastity benefit an everyday normal relationship outside of sexual? The biggest benefit is the side effects and resulting symptoms of abstinence from masturbation, that lend themselves as positives to the relationship. Men may not see these as positive benefits, but the fact that it provides for true will power and it refines a man’s behavioral psyche…

You see, the process of masturbation involves a mental compulsion, that prompts a physical sexual impulsiveness… It’s actually a very primal behavior and equivalent to the level of an animalistic mentality. Altering the course of this cycle produces more refined and sophisticated human behaviors. It allows for a transferring of resources to the emotional part of the brain, and it prompts a man to seek out fulfillment on a deeper level. It essentially bypasses the dick drain distraction, and allows for the brain to become more aware of its surroundings. It’s almost like turning down the blaring stereo music, and finally realizing that hey ‘listen, I hear birds chirping outside!’… A sound that went unrecognized when the self serving dick rock concert played on infinite repeat lol…

The biggest benefactor that not many people realize?

Male masturbation creates an emotional barrier in relationships and allows a man to remain somewhat disconnected in a very self sufficient and self serving way. Chastity helps remove this barrier and causes a man to have a deeply rooted dependency for his spouse. With masturbation, a man’s emotional offerings are at a level that’s considered sufficient for a male, but insufficient on a female level. Chastity ups a man’s offerings to the level a female requires in order to feel ultimate fulfillment. The very reason why women are known as naggers, always wanting more… ‘It’s never good enough’ is because of the masturbation barrier… If this was not a factor, women would not be associated with these undesirable traits because we’d be much more content. Women wouldn’t feel the need to ‘fight for their food’ and look to secure their emotional meals.

These female feedings do not exclude sex! Chastity forces a man to become truly invested in her pleasures. Men are naturally known to be pleasers in bed… Many men I’ve known have had the mentality ‘I’ll make you come and when you’re done I’ll come’… That’s a considerate male… At best… Understand that this mentality is STILL SELF SERVING on a man’s part! He requires this to stroke his ego. A man needs to feel as though he’s taken care of business, and then gotten his too by getting physical gratification. Once again, it’s double feedings for his needs, and most often she’s faking the orgasms to help stroke him even more. Our emotional ego is tied into our sexual one, whether we’re having sex or saying ‘I love you’ our core needs are being nurtured. This is why a woman is at a disadvantage as she loses out overall.

Masturbation in a relationship is selfish and self serving on a man’s part… Chastity allows for balance and is a selfless act that a man should be willing to embrace if he truly loves his spouse and wants her to find ultimate fulfillment and happiness. When it comes to a woman’s emotional needs, her cup is never full if masturbation is a factor. Chastity increases a man’s tolerance and it neutralizes his male aggressiveness… It also satisfies a woman to the extent that it neutralizes her excessive needs and the feeling that she has to chase down her emotional and sexual meals… There would be a lot more successful relationships and happier couples if the masturbation barrier didn’t exist.

Think about this for a moment…

Sex means the most to a man (as it ties to his emotional ego) and emotional fulfillment means the most to a woman (as it ties to her sexuality) … As a man, Imagine what it would be like if your sex life lacked fulfillment? Your spouse could never quite deliver the quality of sex that makes you feel content… And it was always just ok and sufficient cause there’s no other option… But deep down you know it could be better? This is the exact situation a woman encounters in a relationship, when it comes to her emotional needs. Her emotional fulfillment threshold is at a female level, yet his offerings are limited to the male threshold that he himself finds sufficient… And it’s due to the energy he must reserve for the personal relationship he has with his penis. Men always have this expectation that it’s a woman’s duty to deliver the goods and take care of a man’s needs, if she expects him to stay invested and not stray… Yet a woman is expected to stay equally invested regardless of the level of emotional fulfillment….

He still gets to have his self serving sexual gratification cycle on the side and offer only the left over energy and resources available… While she remains fully invested at all times. The reality is even if a woman engages in masturbation, it does not have the same chemical effects to her female brain and body, and she is able to maintain full investment in the relationship.

Kind of a double standard don’t you think? If a man has those expectations of a woman, he should be willing to hand over all of his sexual/emotional energy and invest it ALL into the relationship. Lastly, the reason why men are viewed as more independent than women is because they have the ability to fully satisfy their most primary need (being sex) all on their own. The idea that they need not depend on a woman for the one thing they cannot live without.

Women on the other hand, are incapable of serving their most primary need (being emotional) without the help of their male spouse. He holds the key to her ultimate fulfillment, and he also holds the key to his own ultimate fulfillment. This is why men have the upper hand as being the more dominant sex. Yes, women are a male weakness… But it’s a desire not a need. Chastity equalizes that all…. As long as men have access to masturbation, they never truly have both feet invested in a relationship and to the point of dependency. Chastity evens out the playing field and allows for a fair game with no one side having an upper advantage over the other.

In a man’s defense, he cannot be faulted for this… As he himself has no control over the male sex brains compulsions and resulting impulsive behaviors. However, a man does have control over the choices he makes to help bypass and remedy this cycle. Making the ultimate sacrifice that allows him to become fully invested in the relationship.

Male chastity is not one sided and 'cruel’… it’s an added rider that one smart woman places on the relationship, and one selfless man willingly accepts, that helps make for two equal sides. It teaches a man how to seek out and enjoy sexual fulfillment from his spouse and in other forms. Male chastity is the key (and lock) to the ultimate relationship.

This seems wrong to me. Making dinner should not be gender specific. Food should be enjoyed and that begins with making it. Well at least for me it does. I probably make 75 % of the meals in the house. Not because I have to but because I want to. Take a class and learn to make 10 things really well.

You owe me dinner, @marquisesproperty

Truth

goals