Happy Sunday

i am not sure i will not be attracted to girls.

Thank You Mistress Toni

“Mistress Toni put a sleeping pill in your drink last night!. I always get my way.”

The heart surrenders everything to the moment. The mind judges and holds back.

Ram Dass (via fyp-psychology)

Why am I on Tumblr?

So.  Someone asked me why I’m doing this.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years or so (we married kind of young).  I have honestly got to say marriage is interesting.  At times its challenging, difficult, painful.  Other times its wonderful and rewarding.

But there is nothing like the non-stop grind of life - work, bills, career, kids, broken cars, credit card problems, bad economic times, non-working appliances, hassles with landlords/insurance companies/cell phone company assholes, yard problems, broken toilets, etc to really grind a marriage down to the point of being a complete hell.

There are days I miss being single and free.

I think the fact is - everything is work.  If you want something, you have to work at it.  If you want something nice, you have to work to make it nice.

Being single and juggling relationships wouldn’t eliminate the problems, it would simply move them to other areas.

Relationships need work.  They are like a new house.  When you first move into it, everything is wonderful and new.  As time goes on, things wear out, and break.  The house gets dirty.  The yard gets overgrown.  If not maintained, things slowly go totally to complete shit.  It can get so bad, that the house can become unlivable to the point where you need to grab what you need to survive, run the fuck out, and burn the place to the ground never looking back.

Doesn’t sound fun.

So.  Relationships need to be cared for and maintained just like a lot of other things.  How?

Relationships have pillars.  Love, trust, partnership, friendship, financial security, personal security, and I am sure a few others.  Oh. And sex.  Sex is a big pillar in a relationship.

These pillars are all important, and much like the pillars in a house, they need to be equally maintained.  If one goes to shit, the others will suffer as well.

So. This blog is a way for me to work on the sex pillar.

I found out a lot about myself these last few years.  I am a sexualist.  I like sex.  Hard pounding, throw me down and fuck the shit out of me sex.

My husband likes that too, but (and I was shocked and horrified to learn this) his tastes are a little… unusual.  He likes something called BDSM.  Women with floggers chaining people to things.  Being ordered about.  Serving powerful women.  Things like that.

I was shocked.  Horrified.  Why?  What?  What the fuck???  What did I do to cause this?  What kind of sick bastard are you?

Turns out it was there long before I arrived.  Turns out it was there with him as long as he can remember. 

My first reaction was “weird”.  “Sick."  "Strange.”

I’m ashamed of that reaction now.    

My second reaction was “How could he be like this?  He is a good person.  Loving and caring.  Sure he has his faults, but he’s no psychopath or dysfunctional sicko.  Is he?  He can’t be. I know him pretty well.”

It took me a while to figure this out, but I’ve learned that all people have sex fantasies.  Some are pretty basic, some are way out there.  The point is - everybody has sex preferences. All humans are like that.  This is all normal. 

Just like people have different tastes for food, clothes, music… they have different tastes for sex.

Some people want to eat the same shit day after day.  I know a coworker who only eats the same kind of frozen fucking lunch EVERY DAY.  Boring to me, she loves it.

I hate red meat.  Makes me ill thinking about eating it.  Yet, tons of beef are eaten all the time.  I have no right to condemn others on their tastes.

So.  Where is this going?  I found out EVERYONE loves certain odd little things when having sex.  If they say they don’t, they are lying.  

Even the most conservative, introverted, reserved, religious, kind hearted person has odd little things that turns them on, makes them horney, makes them orgasm. 

Most people won’t admit this to themselves out of embarrassment or a sense of normality or some shit.  I feel sad and sorry for those people.  Life is meant to be LIVED and enjoyed.

I always just loved being fucked hard, mostly missionary style.  I figured that was normal.  Other things were “weird”.   

I can’t believe how naïve I was.  Just focusing on hard fucking is the same as eating the same meal every day.  It took me a while (and a lot of fear, anxiety, and other metal shit) to realize that there is a WHOLE smorgasbord of delightful sexy things for an appetite. 

And what a ride its turning out to be.  Yummy little appetizers here and there.  Interesting, delightful little playful meals now and then.  Feasts fit for a Queen.

Its made my life better.  Its made our lives together better.  I’m happier, I’m more fulfilled.  I have a shit day at work, a stop and smile because I know I have fun, sex waiting for me later.

And its just starting.  :)  I have a feeling like the best is yet to come.  I was blind, but now I see.

Turns out I like girls more than I realized.  Turns out I LOVE being in charge.  I adore being treated like a Goddess.

So.  This is the dawn of my sex adventure with my hubbie.  I’m sharing it with the world on this blog.  I’m getting ideas from others, and I’m working on making my sex life as amazing as it should be.  (I’m working on the other pillars too.) Stay tuned!