If I’m Gonna Be Honest, I Feel Like Idia’s Gonna Be The One Who Says “You’re Not Wanted.”

Why tf is Lucifer on my dash? XD

I'm deadass not ready for ch. 7.

OHMYGOD!!!! OHMYGOOOODDD!!!

HE LOOKS SO DAMN GOOD OH MY GOD!!!!! SEBEK APPRECIATORS WHERE YOU AT

PLEASE, OH PLEASE LET THIS BECOME AN ACTUAL ANIME!

You know those anime meta posts along the lines of “I was born with pink hair. The doctors told my parents I was a Main Character and ever since my life has not known peace from demons/spirits/sports competitions/harems who find me”

Well I see that, and I raise you this:

An anime boy whose appearance is, by absolutely anyone’s account, completely and utterly average. Mundane hair. Mundane eyes. Not even glasses to set him the tiniest bit apart. A simple, unmemorable, unrecognizable civilian among a backdrop of millions.

And he has a lot of passions, and a lot of ambitions, which he hones every chance he gets. He’s dabbled in sports and archery and cooking and just about anything you could wrap a competition around. And he’s competed in many of these. Every chance he gets. With all of his passion and all of his might.

He’s crushed by the competition every single time.

Until one day–one day something clicks for him. Something that should have seemed obvious from the start and yet never was–as though everyone, including himself, was unwittingly blind to it. It clicks, when he realizes every kid who’s beaten him in competition, every kid who’s gone on to fame and glory and acclaim, has been some candy-haired gel-spiked ridiculously-dressed fucker. 

There’s some trend there that this Main Character boy can’t explain and can’t understand but he decides, this one time, fuck it. He’ll play along too. He’s got a model train competition in four days, and he’s got nothing more to lose. He hits up the department store, buys the pinkest, noxious-est, fruitiest hair dye he can find, the spikiest hair gel available, and the gaudiest clothes on the thrift rack. He enters the model train competition looking like a bubble gum gijinka.

And he wins.

Suddenly, the other candy-haired contestants notice him. They talk to him. They pledge rivalries. Girls notice him. Judges applaud him. Acclaimed model train aficionados offer him internships across the world. He’s hit on something. 

The main cast expands to cover just about every candy-hair cliche in the book: from the mostly-normal-looking demure school girl with the blue hair to the Naruto-est, yelling-est boy with the red-and-green spiked hair. The cool megane senpais, the purple haired tsunderes, suddenly everyone is interested in him. They’re prodigies and upstarts and underdogs and they truly believe that this main character boy is one of them.

So the main character boy maintains his ruse. He touches up his roots at dawn every morning and carefully attends to his gelled spikes and tells absolutely no one about this great, uncanny, unfathomable secret he’s stumbled upon. He wins his competitions left and right. He racks up the acclaim. He’s hailed as a prodigy of all trades, just now bursting onto the scene, and boils to the top of all his candy-haired peers.

He’s rising up, his every dream within his grasp. Until one day he gets a note under his door, taped to an old picture of his Normal Boring self from middle school, that says “You don’t belong”

M A J E S T I C L L A M A!

May I humbly request to see pegallama herder, hippocampus rider, and dracocapra shepard again? I know it's been a VERY long time since you last drew them, but those characters and the fun little world they lived in always made me happy every time I saw them (◕ᴗ◕✿)

oh wow, it's literally been half a decade since I last drew them, huh. :') I don't really post stuff like this here anymore, but I'll always be fond of these guys!

Yeah, I’m just gonna admit that this was me before I entered college. At one point I wanted to be either an author or artist, but never pursued those careers because I believed that I wouldn’t have enough to pay my bills. That kind of mentality, along with other reasons that I can’t list atm, is what led me to be so unsure what my major should be. I can now proudly say that I finally chose to study welding, but part of the reason for this is because being a professional welder is profitable. I’ll admit that I’m still stuck in the whole “Dreams don’t help pay the bills” mentality.

everyone posting that “my generation lost hobbies” post is so stupid like no you fuckwits hobbies were stolen from you by a system that demands you work 8 hours a day to earn a tiny percentage of the profit you generate, leaving you too exhausted and brainwashed to enjoy exercising passion without financial incentive

My vibes? Good.

My life? Still in shambles, but less shitty.

Hotel? Trivago.

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! I was legit surprised when you turned my idea into an entire fanfic. Also, I love Myza now.

In which Malleus introduces (Y/n) to his fiancee, who promptly grows fond of (Y/n) to the point where she and Malleus are fighting over who is a better friend to (Y/n).

Idea by @azureflame.

"Lady Myza, this is—" Malleus began, but was interrupted when the tall fae next to him broke away from his side and just swooped you up in one motion.

"A human! You have a human friend—?" she cried out happily while holding you hostage in her boa-like grip. Overwhelmed, you tried to wiggle out of her arms, but her hold on you only tightened when you began struggling. Soon, your legs that hung uselessly over the ground went limp, much to Malleus' concern. His fiancee would have none of it, only continuing to press her cheek against yours, a sign of affection from her kind — the serpent fae. "You never told me that your friend is so small and squishy and oh... just so very adorable..."

It was only when you mustered up enough energy and willpower to tap on her shoulders that she realised she might have used too much force. Now concerned, too, when she gazed upon your unusually pale face, she gently lowered you to the ground again. You wheezed and gasped for sweet air, your hands resting on your trembling knees.

Despite your near death experience, you still managed to smile up at her, straining your neck while doing so. "Thank you?" There was an unsure twinge to your voice as her purple eyes bore down at you in such an intense way that you almost forgot how to breathe for a moment. "I'm (Y/n)!"

Your friendliness made her chuckle in amusement, covering her mouth like it was custom for nobles to do. It was only then that you managed to get a better look at the imposing girl who was almost as tall as Malleus. The deep-purple dress she wore was decorated with all sorts of feathers, giving it an over-the-top look — but you had to admit that she could rock it without a doubt. As if the feathers on her dress weren't enough, she even had some tucked into her extravagant hairdo.

"I am delighted to make your acquaintance!" she cheered eventually with such vigour that you almost yelped in surprise. It looked like she was about to shoot forward and envelop you in another hug again, but her fiance luckily stopped her from almost killing you again. So, with a sheepish smile on her lips, she merely curtsied and flashed you a charming grin. "I am Myza Amaru, a noble from the Valley of Thorns. How I wish I wasn't though... you see, I was born in another kingdom far away— where it was actually warm and the weather was delightful to say the least..."

Malleus quirked an eyebrow when you began laughing at her words. "Our weather isn't that bad, is it?" he asked, maybe a little bit offended.

Myza scoffed and flicked her slender wrist in a nonchalant way. Despite her vice grip, her limbs looked weak and rather bony on first glance. When she shook her head in an energetic way, her large blue earrings moved with her. "It is very horrible when you start moping about your 'Child of Man', Malleus..." she shot back, her arms crossed in amusement. "I do not wish to live in a kingdom where murderous green lightning bolts and angry thunder might appear at a whim's notice."

Your lips were pulled up into a giant smile by then. You found her humour to be golden and barely could hold back the laughter that was already threatening to spill out of your throat — you only held it in for your dear dragon fae friend, as a matter of courtesy. Speaking of him, he looked quite embarrassed and aghast as his fiancee spoke of such things so freely, causing tension to soon rise up.

To dispel it, you offered your arm out to the tall girl — a comical sight to possible witnesses. "Well, how about I show you around campus, Lady Myza?" you asked as she eagerly wrapped her long fingers around your lower arm.

Myza began giggling like a little school-girl, blushing like one, too. "Oh, you need not address me in such a formal tone!" she cooed while giving your head a little pat, as one would treat their pet or perhaps a child that one adored. "All friends of Malleus are my own!"

Then, leaving behind a perplexed Malleus, Myza pulled you off into the distance and asked you to explain all sorts of things — from simple plants to complex oil paintings — just to hear your adorable voice.

•••

After your wonderful tour of school grounds — despite the awful weather that plagued you throughout it, and everyone knew who the perpetrator was with the furious green lightning bolts — Myza was now wandering through campus, her analytical purple eyes scanning the area for a certain student. It was a cat that you had described to her, with grey fur and blue fire coming from his ears.

And it was soon that she found her subject napping underneath a large tree, where he originally had sought shelter from the horrible weather that had now cleared up after a certain mage was allowed to spend time with his dear human.

Myza grinned, her face pulled into a frightening grimace, as she stepped in front of the cat. Her presence alone was enough to wake the poor being from his peaceful slumber, and he bolted upright. Once he found a shadow looming over him, his wide blue eyes slowly trailed upward until his eyes met striking purple ones.

"Grim, is that what they call you?"

Still busy rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes, Grim replied, "Yes, that's me." His ears were raised high in alarm, and he narrowed his eyes at the suspicious fae he had never seen before. It was only a few moments after meeting her that he realised what immense power she radiated. "Woah, you're scary..."

Myza giggled, and her frightening aura disappeared for a brief moment. "I don't think I'm scary," she cooed, although that sweet side of her soon was replaced by that scary one again when she rubbed her palms against one another, a scheming grin on her lips. "Aside from maybe being the third most powerful mage in Twisted Wonderland~"

Grim's jaw fell down. "That's impressive..."

The noble bowed in a mocking way, as elegant and graceful as ever. When she straightened her back again, her eyes were more determined and fiery than ever. "Anyway, I need your help. Just earlier today, I got to meet your owner, cat." A smile soon appeared on her face, and she couldn't help but swoon in happiness she hadn't felt in a long way. She had always loved humans, as had her ancestors before her; did you know that way back then, some humans used to worship her family? That spark of kindness and courage in your eyes — she adored it. "And what can I say? I'm smitten! Oh, her kindness, humour— beautiful, she is too, but no one can rival my beauty, of course. Anyway, I want to get closer to her, but Malleus' jealousy will not let me. I need a way to get rid of him."

"What? Get rid of Malleus—?"

"Oh, just something harmless!" Myza wasted no time in waving off his worries. "Like turning him into a fly! In that way, I get to spend time with (Y/n) and convince her that I am a much better friend than Malleus is."

Grim raised an eyebrow at her plan. "Are all fae this petty?"

"No, it's just the nobility, silly cat," she drawled, giggling. "Anyway, you'll be my assistant, alright? I'm in dire need for one."

"...aren't transformation potions illegal?"

Myza quickly covered his mouth with her pale fingers, a large scowl on her face that immediately caused the cat monster to quieten down again. "Hush," she hissed with her eyes wandering around the area. "No one needs to know about my little hobby, cat..."

Grim shrugged, and she soon removed her hands from his mouth again. Once he was free, he rose to his feet and put his hands on his lips. "What do I do as an assistant?"

"You just do whatever I tell you to. Like pulling levers so that we can get to my super-secret underground hideout where I brew all my potions." Grim still looked very much suspicious of her offer, not really sure if he should get himself into such dangers like this; you would surely scold him and blame his misdemeanors on Ace, wouldn't you? Myza hummed and added, "Besides, I'll pay you a hefty amount of tuna. (Y/n) said you loved tuna."

"Easy, easy!" Grim immediately yelled out, his eyes glowing in happiness. "I'm in."

Myza clapped her hands in happiness and hastily bent down to pick up the heavy cat monster. Within a split second, purple smoke swallowed them and spit them out in front of an ominous looking stone-door again. The serpent fae lowered the cat monster to the floor again and dusted off her expensive dress.

Grim's eyes were wide in fascination, never having witnessed such extraordinary teleportation magic before. Being the third strongest mage in Twisted Wonderland sure had its perks, no?

Once the fae looked flawless again, she gently pushed her newest assistant to the door, on which multiple levers were attached. "Alright, Assistant, pull the lever!" she yelled out.

Grim shrugged and pulled the lever located on the farthest right. "Done," he murmured, only to turn around and witness as Myza plummeted through the hatch that had opened up due to him pulling the lever.

A shrill scream escaped her lips when she landed on a floor beneath him, everything being dark and warm. There were other presences she could sense — and they all seemed to be hostile. "That was the wrong lever—" she screamed out as she turned her gaze up at the cat monster, who sheepishly waved down at her from the hatch. She was about to return to him when a horde of angry and hungry crocodiles threw themselves at her, causing her to sigh nonchalantly while fending them off. "I swear, I shouldn't have kept these crocodiles that Sebek gave to me..."

Grim quirked an eyebrow as he watched her. "And this lady is supposed to brew a potion that turns Malleus into a fly?"

•••

"Myza is such a nice person!" you chirped with a large smile on your face, causing Malleus' to immediately frown.

Sitting in the Diasomnia common room with him after your tour with Myza had ended, Malleus hoped to talk with you about other things — but it seemed like all you wanted to talk about was his fiancee.

Malleus' hands tightened into fists as she shot you a forced smile. "She can be very dramatic at times... even two-faced. But I do admit that she has a very charming side to her." Then, he paused, not very sure what more he could say about her without sounding rude towards his fiancee. A sudden rush of jealousy within him caused him to turn to you and almost remark in a sneer, "I have to confess that I didn't expect you to get along so well— almost too well..."

You hummed along, just happy that you had managed to make a new friend. "Me neither."

Comfortable silence laid itself over the two of you, and you just enjoyed each other's presence without any bothersome words. Your fae friend was allowed to cool down, and you were able to just reminisce about today's events with a large smile on your lips. Eventually, he even worked up enough courage to extend his hand and take your hands into his.

But before you could ask him if he needed something or if something was wrong, a new figure barged into the otherwise empty common room and marched over to you, interrupting your moment.

It was Myza.

"(Y/n), my dear human!" she exclaimed, and you immediately let go of Malleus' hand to pay her your full attention. Her cheerful demeanour immediately brought a large smile to your face. "It is time for us to embark on our quest of brewing some potions — just like I promised you earlier!"

You nodded eagerly and rose to your feet, leaving behind a perplexed dragon fae. "Oh— yes! Let's go—" Gasps escaped your lips once you noticed various bitemarks and bruises on her arms — and her dress looked a little bit worn out, as if she had gotten into a fight. You furrowed your eyebrows in concern and took her left arm that was especially bruised into your hands. "Wait, are you alright, Myza? Your hair looks a little bit singed... and are these bite marks on your arms?"

Myza waved you off, silly giggles escaping her lips. "Oh, they're nothing. But I appreciate your worries," she cooed, flattered. Although a little bit suspicious, you hummed and shot her a little smile. Without wasting any time, she took your hand and dragged you off to the exit of the common room. "Now, shall we go? I will show you how to bring a beastman to his knees with a simple potion—"

Her endeavour was interrupted when she felt a certain resistance from you. Turning around, she found Malleus to have grabbed your other free hand. Thus, you were now the centre of a tug-of-war game.

Malleus had his eyes narrowed threateningly. "Myza, you can't just steal my treasure from me—"

She rolled her eyes, like a mother scolding her child. "Malleus, yes I can," she retorted casually before continuing to pull you along with her, only to result in you shrieking in pain at how you were almost being pulled apart by the two fae holding onto one of your hands, none of them willing to let go.

"Guys..." you cried out, sensing that chaos was about to happen. "Can't we all get along?"

"I saw (Y/n) first!" Malleus growled.

Myza quirked an eyebrow and clicked her forked tongue. "And? You dragon fae always see your loved ones as objects to hoard, although they're not. Is (Y/n) not free to make friends with others?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. Malleus faltered for a moment and lost himself in thoughts, wondering if there was some truth to the serpent's words. As he was distracted, his hold on your hand loosened, and Myza wasted no time in pulling you along and away from her fiance. "Let's go, darling— while he's still distracted!"

"Myza Nyunyuma Amaru, come back here— at once!"

I crack my eggs against the side of the bowl I’m gonna whisk them in.

can u guys rb this n add how you crack your eggs in the tags? i thought cracking them in the sinks’s edge is universal until i saw my friend cracking an egg on the counter instead and it was so pervese and diabolical

Why is ego a mood?

some more super quick episode 6 stuff. :U I 100% unironically love green goblin Idia, his shapes are so good! he’s so POINTY! I want to shrink him down to fork size and eat salad with him. (and I hope I’m not the only one who got a kick out of the little high-pitched “Aah!” every time Ortho got zapped. what a cute giant monster boy.)

plus a little bonus meta

:)