How do you fall back in love with life?
clean your room. clean space, uncluttered space, space that doesn’t have miasma clinging to it can work wonders. clean the dishes. sweep. take out the trash. peel the clothes off the floor and wash them, and then actually fold/hang them. take a long shower. scrub behind your knees. brush your teeth. (this can be utterly exhausting, but try to get it done in a day, if you can. the end result is worth it.)
pull out your notebook. it doesn’t need to be a new notebook, but preferably one that you don’t usually write in, or that you haven’t touched in a while. fuck moleskins. the yellow legal pad will work fine. sit in your room, or in the park, or in the library, and write a list. count clouds. describe all the colors that you see, and note patterns that arise. sketch the cracks in the walls. note the shape light makes when it enters a space. talk about what the air tastes like, smells like. what sounds are there? even the white nose, break that down: air planes, fans, cicadas, anything. remind yourself that you are sitting in the middle of a space brimming with detail. remind yourself that you are not in nothingness and emptiness. your world is fathomless. it has potential.
drink cold water and try to eat something that isn’t processed. it does not need to be fancy. buy yourself an apple with the change between your couch cushions. eat it outside. if you’re someone who walks, walk somewhere afterwards, just to stretch your legs. take your fucking meds. remember that its a good thing that you are inside your body. your body is a fantastic and endlessly intricate machine, and even though society has smacked a bunch of poisonous ideas on it, that doesn’t change its inherent worth and splendor. take care of it.
read a novel. underline your favorite lines, and write phrases that twist your heart inside your chest on the back of your hand with an ink pen. read a novel like it’s poetry. read poetry, something decadent but unpretentious. watch a movie you haven’t seen before. if there are free art galleries near you, walk through one. take your time. let yourself bask. if there are patterns in what makes your soul ache, write those patterns down – marbles arches or soot crumbling bricks or dandelions or descriptions of dresses or whatever it is, write them down.
your chosen family is important. remember, they picked you as much as you picked them. the love has no obligation. it is given freely and it is given from a place of compassion. you are not a burden. if you need to breathe, take a minute by yourself and just exist, but remember to go back to your people. when they need you, listen and be gracious. always be gracious. the universe sometimes remembers things like that.
listen to new music. link jump on youtube or related artist jump on spotify or ask the chap beside you in the cafe what their favorite band is, and listen to that. listen to something that you don’t usually listen to. we tend to tie up a lot of memory with music. we are falling in love again. the soundtrack needs to be specific to that.
allow yourself to indulge in romantics. press flowers in old books. play movies with subtitles and mouth the words. dance in your room. wear something that makes you feel good, even if you wouldn’t wear it in public. write your chosen family letters, even if you hand deliver them. write poetry, even awful poetry. revel in its awfulness. eat dark chocolate and when your chosen family want to go out, try to go out with them sometimes, even if its just to the market.
~Some Rules on Self Love in no particular order~
Challenge Yourself: know that anything you want to achieve, you’re worth the time and effort that goes into it. Challenging yourself and setting new goals builds self confidence
Be in competition w/ you and no one else: don’t compare yourself to others, for you do not know their path or their desired destination. You’re unique because you’re you and no one else has your lives experiences or exact perspective.
Do what you say you’re going to do: not just for other but for yourself. If you promise yourself something, if you tell yourself you’re going to do something, do it. Not only will you be more productive, but you won’t feel the need to wallow in self loathing over something you said you were going to do and never got to
Value your time: for this is indeed valuing yourself. It’s okay to relax and lay around and do absolutely nothing sometimes, but dedicating your time to nothing is dedicating yourself to nothing. Value yourself enough to put your tile to good use
Anticipate the future: try your best to look out for your future self, even in the smallest ways. From picking something up off the floor so that you don’t trip on it tomorrow to keeping a pack of makeup wipes beside your bed for those lazy days
Respect yourself, your belonging and your space: you deserve to live in a clean, functional space. Respect your belongings, have a place for them and put them in their place. Respect yourself by not letting others disrespect you, set and assert your boundaries. Respect your space by setting the rules and enforcing them. You’re in charge here, and what you say goes.
may these memories break our fall
being in your 20s is just going through everyday wondering is this a defining moment? is this a defining moment? is this a defining moment? is this a defining mo
I am desperately romantic when life has given me no reason to be and that, I think, is the definition of hope.
c.r.w. (via my-writemind)
REINVENTING MYSELF-Femininity
Simply put, I don’t like the woman I am now. I am a manifestation of my parents neglect, insecurities rooted in me since a child, along with suppressed and very obvious trauma. I want to see better, I want to do better, I want to attract better.
In preparation for spring (the actual “New Year”) I am currently throwing away EVERYTHING and starting completely fresh. Clothes, wigs, sheets, I even thought about tossing my diploma not a soul asked me for (not even school, everything is electronic).
This is she, me. Anew
Personality
She is mysterious, yet has a welcoming aura about her. You know she’s not the woman to step to unless it’s worth her time, but intimidating isn’t the feeling that comes over the admirer. She’s playful, actively laughing and playing with her dogs. Publicly and privately. A hopeless romantic, though a seductress first. Her love (and lust) is earned. She’s very hard to get.
Hopeless Romantic
Adventurous
Rebellious
Creative
Bookworm
Athletic
Hobbies
She’s always trying something new to see if she finds something she likes. Fear of dislike is never on her mind. As a curious spirit, she not only has hobbies but works to advance and meet those who share the same hobbies as her
Art museums
Theatre
Cooking & making recipe books to pass down
Scrapbooking
Learning about nature (plants, Survival skills, history)
Baking (for anyone)
Chess
White Wine
Astrology
Teapot Collecting
Reading research articles
Boundaries
Again, she’s very hard to get. Hard to impress. Hard to convince. Hard to plead to. As warm as her aura may be, she’s very no nonsense. She is in tune with her inner voice and intuition, who are the first to advise her about whatever you’re telling her.
No sex before substantial financial/personal commitment
Limited debates, always held with class and even tone. Never arguments or fights
Not surrounding self around people who don’t share the same ambition
I come first. My safety, my priorities and myself, period.
No unannounced guests (gift deliveries excluded)
I don’t entertain conversations with men after a certain time
I am selective about what I choose to listen to, so I cut all unproductive/negative conversations very short
Goals
She is an “overachiever”. Whatever that means.
Purchase first property
Travel to 5th country
Obtaining black dermatologist
Selling select art pieces for over ($XX,XXX)
Approved for American Express Platinum Card
Accepted into Ph.D program
Complete first few books/scripts
Learn Spanish and ASL fluently
I went deep into depth privately, and I highly suggest you do the same. Sometimes, it helps to have an organized, detail breakdown of who you are, who you want to become, and most importantly who are you leaving behind.
$TufaniTalks
I've Endured, Now What?
Blue Iris - Mary Oliver / So This Is All I Will Ever Be? - Fatima Aamer Bilal / Vive, Vive - Traci Brimhall
i want to be so kind it echoes backwards in time and undoes the things that hurt you. i want to be so kind it radiates from me. i want to be so kind that i make someone else find faith in humanity again. there’s not much i can do, i’m small and weak and i only know so many words. but i know i can be kind. and sometimes, i believe, that changes the world.