Hits You Hard

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i love being desi <3

Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, from a letter featured in The Life & Letters of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

How Childhood Trauma Can Show Up In Adulthood

Childhood trauma can have a deep and lasting impact on your development, some scenarios we would not even consider to be " trauma" but it comes down to how you as a child perceived the situation. To add to that, you could have had a great childhood factually, or by your understanding, because it is all you knew. I’ll give you an example, do you find yourself putting everyone else before you? Maybe when you were little you had an experience with a parent where they put someone else before you in a situation that was significant to you at the time, and that feeling got registered in your subconscious. Maybe you got rewarded for the experience or reprimanded. It could have been very harmless. You may not even remember unless you start to think about it. None the less the root of a lot of our triggers, habits and insecurities boil down to our childhood experiences, that stay buried in our subconscious and often manifesting in various ways during adulthood.

You have a have a hard time controlling your feelings. You might get super angry or not feel anything at all.

You are scared to fail.

You blame yourself for your mistakes and bad choices from your past and have a hard time forgiving yourself.

You worry about what other people think about you or in general and may feel scared a lot.

You are too clingy or too distant and cant find a balance.

You don't trust yourself to make decisions and need constant validation or someone else to make decisions for you.

You feel really sad and down most of the time.

You suffer from negative self talk, are very hard on yourself and really believe those things to be true.

You constantly criticize others.

You need external validation to feel accepted.

You are always anxious.

You are hypersensitive to criticism.

You are terrified of change.

You find it hard to take compliments and truly believe you are not worthy.

You find it hard to keep good relationships because you're scared of getting hurt and feel like you cant get close to others.

You try to be perfect and want to do everything perfectly because you think it will help avoid bad things from happening.

You might eat too much or too little because you are feeling bad or want to control things.

You can't stop thinking about bad stuff that happened before and might have nightmares or feel like they're living it again.

You may feel like they're not really in their body or like things around them aren't real because of what happened in the past.

You avoid things because they remind you of bad stuff that happened.

Sometimes people stay away from things that remind them of bad stuff that happened.

You might have more health problems like headaches or stomachaches.

You do things that hurt you or others, and you don't even realize it because you learned it from when you were young.

You might work extra hard to be successful because you want others to like you or because you don't feel good about yourself.

You rather be alone because you feel embarrassed or worried about what others think.

You try really hard to control everything in your life.

You water yourself down and put everyone else before you.

Lines (Shieldshock)

“You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power.”

“You’re like an exothermic reaction: you spread your hotness everywhere!”

“Oh, gosh. Someone kill me now.” Darcy whimpered at her own line and fled the room. Steve’s face was a bright red and currently buried in his hands. They were on the second day of this Steve and Darcy pick up line spree, and it was starting to get weird.

It had all started yesterday when the Avengers returned from a mission and Darcy had been handing out her famous brownies.

When she’d handed hers to Steve she’d said “Are you a compound of beryllium and barium? Because you’re a total Ba-Be.”

Steve’s reply had stunned his friends. “You must be a magnetic monopole, because all I get from you is attraction.”

The scientists among them had burst out laughing and Steve and Darcy had both turned red. When they’d tried to interact at supper, a similar exchange happened and many eyebrows rose.

“Damn, Steve, you’re worse than I used to be.” Bucky had observed with an impish grin.

“You’re a bad influence,” Steve had muttered.

“Don’t stop. This is getting really entertaining,” Tony observed, munching popcorn.

“It would be if we could control it.” Steve sighed. “I physically cannot say anything to Darcy that’s not a pick up line. My brain gets overridden by what comes out of my mouth. And I’m pretty sure it’s happening to her, too.”

“The power of lust, I presume,” Tony theorized. “Clearly, the UST has reached dangerous levels. I’ve seen the way you look at each other.”

“Not helpful, Tony,” Rhodey put in.

“I think Steve is right,” Bucky put in. “You can see their mouths start to form completely different words from what they end up saying. It’s like they’re being overridden.”

Steve’s longtime bestie looked deeply concerned and Tony grimaced at what he was implying.

“I see what you mean,” Natasha put in thoughtfully. “They’re perfect for each other, but it has to be consensual. Something or someone is taking matchmaking too far.”

“Let’s test this theory a bit,” Bruce suggested. “If it checks out, we’ll have to have them both undergo medical exams.”

Steve made a face, but nodded.

“Someone’s gotta find Darcy though,” he sighed. “I think she’s run off to her lair, as she calls it. I’d go get her, but…… you know…” He shrugged helplessly.

“You might accidentally proposition her?” Tony asked gleefully. Steve glared at him.

“Have you tried non-verbal communication?” Suggested Clint. “Writing a note or text her? Find out how far the control goes?”

Steve’s eyes brightened and he eagerly snatched the pen and memo pad thrust at him.

Darcy, meanwhile, was moping in the small break room outside the lab. It had been fitted out with a couch, tv, and vending machines and was a very cozy spot to relax in. She wasn’t feeling very relaxed as she thought about the situation with Steve. Yes, she was crazy about the man, but she sure didn’t like feeling out of control. Steve would probably never want to speak to her again if they couldn’t figure out what was causing the uncontrollable pick up line syndrome.

Right as she was mourning a potentially ruined friendship, There was a knock at the door and she looked up to see Steve silently standing there.

Clapping a hand over her mouth to prevent any more episodes, she shook her head at him vehemently. Steve gave her a knowing grin and silently handed her a note written in elegant cursive.

Darcy,

Can you come back to the meeting room? We want to test a theory and brainstorm solutions. You don’t have to talk to me, but it looks like with writing we still can communicate without hitting on each other. I wrote this myself and didn’t have any issues.

This was hopeful. Scrambling for a pen, Darcy flipped over Steve’s note and wrote on the back.

Thank Goodness. Also, I’m really sorry, Steve. Can we still be friends?

She showed him her response and he quickly added his response.

Nothing to be sorry for. It’s not your fault. Of course we can still be friends. Life would be sad without you in it.

Awww. That’s super sweet. Also, your penmanship is commendable. Forties thing?

Steve chuckled and swiftly replied.

Nope. My mom taught me. Bucky’s is chicken scratch.

Darcy laughed out loud and got up from the couch.

Let’s go, Soldier. I apologize in advance for the inappropriate things I’ll say to you.

Ditto. Steve replied. They shared rueful smiles and headed back to face the music.

“Okay, Steve and Darcy, we’re going to give you each a sentence and then you’re going to say it back to one of us, then again to each other, okay?”

They nodded simultaneously and the test began.

They were both able to repeat back to Bruce the sentence that he had given them, but when they turned to each other what came out was:

“Your angles must be less than 90 degrees, because I think that you are so acute,” Darcy blurted.

“You must be mitochondria, because you’re the powerhouse of my heart,” Steve replied, wincing at himself.

“Not gonna lie, that last one was pretty cheesy,” Bucky commented, grinning again.

Darcy silently agreed, though the look on Steve’s face was so comical, she had to laugh.

“I love how they’re all science themed,” Tony observed. “Very thematic for Darcy.”

“Oh, hush,” Darcy reprimanded him. “This better not be anything you caused.”

“Nope.” Tony denied. “Pepper would slay me.”

“Well, it looks like we’ve established that Steve and Darcy can speak normally to other people, but not to each other,” Bruce summarized. “And they can converse with each other normally via written word. Interesting.”

He thought for a moment, then continued with a question.

“Can either of you two think of any unusual things that happened to you this week? Lab incidents? Mission mishaps?”

Darcy thought hard and she could practically see the gears turning in Steve’s head as he did the same.

“No, nothing I can think of. Mission was routine. They didn’t even get close enough to really cause any issues,” Steve reported.

“Well, Jane and I went out for drinks with Thor and Loki before she left for that conference. Loki was on his best behavior for once, but that doesn’t mean much. I got a little too drunk and might have confessed something to him that I shouldn’t have,” Darcy admitted, with a sinking feeling, not daring to look at Steve.

“Oh, yeah. What do you want to bet that the god of mischief decided to “help” things along?” Clint asked.

“Seems like something he’d do,” Bucky agreed.

“Yup.” Darcy sighed. “I’ll go see if the Big Guy is still around. We’ll get to the bottom of this.”

A quick call to Jane revealed that Thor was still on earth and would get there as soon as he could.

In the meantime, Bruce had Steve and Darcy undergo medical checkups and brain scans just to check that there wasn’t anything else causing the issue. Everything came back clear, so Loki was deemed the culprit and all they could do was wait for Thor to track him down.

The wait felt interminable to Darcy, who missed talking/flirting with Steve. Natasha got fed up with seeing them writing on note pads all the time and made sure they were given each other’s phone number. The switch to texting resulted in the sharing of funny memes and Darcy making Steve laugh so hard he grabbed his own chest. She felt very satisfied and also very smitten. Finally, she took matters into her own hands. They were alone in the kitchen, waiting on their coffee to finish brewing when she plucked up her courage to admit the truth.

Hey, Steve,

I wouldn’t be mad if you asked me out for realsies. What I drunkenly confessed to Loki was that I really, really like you.

Her heart was in her throat as she waited for his response, but judging by the way he smiled as he typed, she felt sure it was going to be positive.

Darcy, I would love to take you on a date. I’m ashamed of how chicken I’ve been about it, but I’ve liked you for a while. Insecurities got the better of me. I’m definitely a work in progress, but I do think you’re hotter than a bunsen burner.

Darcy flushed and looked up to meet Steve’s gaze. He gave her the innocent boyish smile he was known for, but followed it up with a suggestive wink. Holy cow.

You’re gonna kill me with your cuteness, aren’t you? She typed.

Not purposely. I’d like to have you around for a long, long time.

“Are you the Higgs-Boson Particle? Because I’ve been colliding and colliding and I finally found you,” Darcy proclaimed, forgetting herself in her delight.

Oops. She typed out, reddening again. What I was trying to say is “I hope you’re around for a long time, too.”

Thor and Loki arrived two days after this monumental conversation and Darcy didn’t have the heart to be very angry with him.

“The mutual pining between the two of you was nauseating and I decided to help things along,” Loki told them haughtily. “The spell will dissipate instantly if you kiss, and will wear off more slowly if you have communicated your feelings for each other.”

“How slowly?” Steve asked.

“No more than three of your measly human days,” Loki answered, looking rather smug as he observed Steve and Darcy.

“That means we have one more day until it wears off,” Steve said. He looked questioningly at Darcy.

Meet me in my lair in one hour. She texted, shooting him a wink. Steve happily obeyed.

“I’m attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force,” he told her just before she kissed him senseless.

“I guess it worked,” Steve breathed breathlessly when he’d finally caught his breath.

“Yeah, it did,” Darcy agreed, glad the words coming out of her mouth were her own again. “But I have one more line for you.”

“Oh? Do tell,” Steve encouraged her, arms still around her.

“You must be from the cosmos because your body is heavenly.” She whispered coquettishly, running her hand down his muscular arm. Steve turned an adorable shade of pink and kissed her again.

why am i always stuck in the talking stage ? what will it take to get past it manh😭

How to spot signs and symptoms of Breast Cancer 

itna toh expect kar sakti hu na??😭😭

Gajra 🪷

I can do this

true af😭

i’m such a “i want your attention” but “won’t bother you” kinda person

hehe 🤭

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tagging: @aishaisindelusion

New tag game (because I'm feeling a bit better today 😎):

I got this

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