Doesn’t Come Off As Rude At All. I Didn’t Realize You Could Come Out Of A Black Out And Not Realize.

Had a huge fight with our parents yesterday and havnt really seen them since we switched out in the middle of it and had to tell them that we aren’t their child but one of their alters, only to be met with ablism and apathy.

Like, we’ve brought up to them that we have alters before, we’ve tried to explain it to them, then we just let them believe we got over it so they’d leave us alone. And this is why, because they don’t understand and believe they know better about their child then their literal child and their therapist. It’s fricking annoying as hell.

We’ve been in really depressed all morning and need to eat lunch but don’t have the courage to leave our room.

-the color spectrum

Like, we feel so bad for the host’s boyfriend because she will periodically just disappear and he’ll be stuck with some random person who has her body, like that must suck. I kinda want to force a switch for him but I know she switched out for a reason.

-either Leo or Hunter

This is a reminder to you just as much as it is my self.

You are not expected to know everything about your system at any point, and no one else in your system should be either

It’s okay if no one really knows what’s happening, even if you have a gatekeeper who’s always on top of things, there will probably be times when even they aren’t sure.

It’s alright to not know everything about yourself or even how things should happen. It doesn’t invalidate you or your system.

For some reason up to this point I expected someone in my system to have an answer to any question I had. And then would get frustrated when they didn’t have one. I am just now realizing that it’s not realistic to expect any of them to understand what’s happening at any given point. Including me.

I don’t owe anyone an explanation, and neither do you. Maybe we need to get just a little bit more comfortable not understanding before we can work on understanding.

Thanks for reading, take care of yourself.

-Apollo/Hunter

Okay, thank you so much for your input/gen This is just about what happens to us too with a few differences.

-Apollo

I’m on a roll with posts today, so I’m going to keep going.

To those who have already interacted with my post on amnesia thank you so much for the information and suggestions, I really appreciate it. But I do have another question for you guys.

When you switch, what does it look like? For me I start to find it really difficult to focus on anything when I switch out. I go into a dissociative catatonic state where I’m processing everything but I can’t move anything -not my eyes, not my fingers- unless I am fighting very hard. Once I get to that point no one can break me out of it but myself and I don’t usually try very hard because I’ll only come back for a minute or two before dissociating again.

But when I switch back in, it’s totally different. I am fully functional the entire time and it can really hard to notice unless I realize I’m acting different.

It maybe important to state that I don’t typically lose control or consciousness when I’m not in the front. I am still very much there, my personality and everything about me is gone. But I still retain my memories. It’s basically PDID but I try not to use that term because I live in the states and it isn’t recognized here.

I just wanted to know if anyone experiences something similar when it comes to such a big functional difference between switching in and out.

Thanks in advance.

-Apollo still

I played the game again today and as of this point I still remember it, let’s see if I do tomorrow, lol

-Apollo

Okay, so on amnesia, there’s this game that I’ve apparently played with my bf FOUR times now. And I don’t remember any of them. Until he told me today I didn’t even realize that I had played a fourth time. And I only knew about the first three because he had told me about them some point after we played.

It is absolutely insane to me how fully I can forget something like that. How totally absolute my brain is when blocking it out. I don’t remember us planning to play, getting ready to play, playing, wrapping up, or whatever we did after that. It’s absolutely insane. And apparently I’ve beat my boyfriend at it several times now.

It’s not an obviously triggering game either, it’s a basic fantasy monster slayer type board game using cats and other furry animal characters. I assume, I don’t remember ever playing it.

The weirdest part to me is that I don’t even remember missing anything. I have no clue when we played, or what we were doing before or after. It legitimately feels like it never even happened and all I have to go off of is my boyfriend’s word, which I do trust, it’s just so bizarre. It’s almost hard to believe any of it happened because of my complete and total lack or recollection of it.

Anyways, I’ve decided next time he brings it out we’ll have to record at least part of the game so I can look back on it.

Okay, so on amnesia, there’s this game that I’ve apparently played with my bf FOUR times now. And I don’t remember any of them. Until he told me today I didn’t even realize that I had played a fourth time. And I only knew about the first three because he had told me about them some point after we played.

It is absolutely insane to me how fully I can forget something like that. How totally absolute my brain is when blocking it out. I don’t remember us planning to play, getting ready to play, playing, wrapping up, or whatever we did after that. It’s absolutely insane. And apparently I’ve beat my boyfriend at it several times now.

It’s not an obviously triggering game either, it’s a basic fantasy monster slayer type board game using cats and other furry animal characters. I assume, I don’t remember ever playing it.

The weirdest part to me is that I don’t even remember missing anything. I have no clue when we played, or what we were doing before or after. It legitimately feels like it never even happened and all I have to go off of is my boyfriend’s word, which I do trust, it’s just so bizarre. It’s almost hard to believe any of it happened because of my complete and total lack or recollection of it.

Anyways, I’ve decided next time he brings it out we’ll have to record at least part of the game so I can look back on it.

Traumagenic-only community blogs : a masterlist

For anyone who feels uncomfortable having to share community spaces with endogenic systems, a masterlist might useful.

If you know of other blogs, let us know and we'll had them to the list !

Last updated on: 07.03.2024

Culture

@pluralcultureis @polyfragcultureis @narccultureis

Community

@sys-polls @anti-endo-safe-space @system-hottakes @tales-from-systok @tales-from-sysblr @tales-from-syscord

Vent

@sys-confessions @antiendovents @system-vent

Positivity

@cdd-joy @positivitycombopack

Templates, userboxes and flags

@crows-templets @zero-templates @electricalstemplates @systemuserboxes @systemtermz @flagsandtags @hydra-creates

Resources

@atlas-duo

A very special thanks to @the-hydra-sys who helped us so much in making this masterlist.

I’ve been having a lot of doubts recently. A lot of wondering if I’m just making it up because I wanted to. I don’t know right now. Maybe I just wanted to be broken so that my pain was finally valid.

I don’t know.

Moral of the story. If I delete my blog or go quiet for a while, it’s cause I’m rethinking everything.

-Apollo

Wow time flies when you can’t remember shit.

-Hunter

[Text: This introject isn't their source.]

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