There Are Only A Few Things I Won’t Stand For In Hp Fanfiction, But Goddamn It, It Infuriates Me When

There are only a few things I won’t stand for in hp fanfiction, but goddamn it, it infuriates me when I see it! As follow:

a) Severitus. Anything in which Severus Snape, the disgrace of the Wizarding World, is even remotely nice and/or supporting and/or decent. It stinks. He’s the worst. Let’s not pretend he’s not shit at everything except evilness. Make this stop.

b) Drarry? What the Hell? In what universe would Harry Potter be romantically interested in a nasty, jealous bigot that has done nothing but torment him and insult his friends? What kind of hipster mating ritual is that? Why would he even want anything to do with the son of the man that facilitated the opening of the Chamber of Secrets? The same man that willingly served Voldemort? That thought Harry’s mother and Hermione were scum? Who passed down his beliefs to his son? The son who, at twelve years old, gloated about how the muggleborns at his school were going to be petrified? Who wanted to have a clearly intelligent animal put down because he couldn’t listen to his teacher’s instructions? Draco Malfoy is the racist rich frat boy of Hogwarts and he would’ve voted for Trump and you will never convince me that garbage kid would ever amount to anything good.

c) Petunia secretly loving Harry or anything that even suggest the Dursleys were under a spell. Ok, there’s like this theory that since Harry is a Horcrux, the Duesley could have been influenced by it like Ron was and that’s why they were hippopotamus dung. I don’t buy it. In the Philosopher’s Stone’s beginning, we follow the Dursleys in the first of November for the day. And not only McGonagall describes them as horrible people, we also have a rundown of their opinions about several stuff, including what they think about magic and the Potters, which is nothing good. And that’s a full day before Petunia finds Harry at her doorstep, so they can’t have been influenced by the Horcrux at all. And then there’s the fact that, when Ron had it, he was only affected by it until he left. When he came back, he said he had wanted to come back as soon as he left. If the effect of a Horcrux ends when the person is not in the vicinity of it, then how are the Dursleys not kinder to Harry after he spends TEN MONTHS OF THE YEAR at school and other people’s houses? How come Ron, Neville, Dean and Seamus, all sleeping in the same dorm as Harry, are not affected? Or Hermione? As for Petunia being only pretending to hate Harry, she sure is a great actress, hiting him in the head with frying pans and talking shit about his parents. Because her pretending about all that stuff without ever giving Harry a kind word sure makes the physical and psychological child abuse so much better and acceptable. Not.

d) Remus being a great “uncle” and loving Harry as his son or something. Also known as “if I ever have to read Remus calling Harry his cub and saying he is pack again, I don’t know what I’ll do but it’ll be bad”. People. Please. Unless this is a pre-Hogwarts AU in which Remus’ behavior is different, that’s bullshit. Motherfucker was probably aware of Lily and Petunia’s relationship status. Dude was lounging around wherever he was, probably unemployed, for twelve years and didn’t bother writing a single goddamn letter to his dead friend’s son. A friend that risked expulsion and prison time to become an illegal man-deer to help him with his lycantrophy problem. Something I’m guessing most people wouldn’t have done. Now I’m not saying it’s Lupin’s job to do that. He was under no obligation except that it would have been considerate. The only thing I hold against him is not telling Harry about his friendship with James when he taught defence. That was a dick move. Because if anyone deserved to know he and his father were friends with an allegedly dangerous convict hell bent on killing him to avenge his fallen cult master, it was Harry. And considering that Harry straight up ASKED, it was a super dick move of Remus not to tell him. But the point is, Remus was never involved in Harry’s life. He didn’t write him before Hogwarts, he didn’t visit. Considering how the Order was able to follow Harry around, it’s more or less safe to say there was no wards repelling magical people around Privet Drive. But he didn’t go, he didn’t write, not even a birthday card. Not before he was a teacher and not after. He wasn’t involved. He kept his distance. And that was fine, I guess, it wasn’t his job to do that, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like or respects Harry, but it does not a family makes. Makes this pack shit stop, if Harry was so important to him, he would have been in touch. It’s not like apparition costs money. “Oh” you’ll say, “but Remus is a werewolf, he was afraid of hurting Harry”. That’s a shit excuse. The only way he could hurt Harry by being a werewolf was if he was stupid enough to show up at his doorstep on a full moon, two minutes before transforming, something he knows not to do. Otherwise he has to consciously want to hurt Harry, as a wizard. And quite honestly, if Remus Lupin went about his life constantly afraid of hurting people when not on the full moon or having any reason to think he would, he had no business going to the farmer’s market, let alone teaching at a boarding school. So, no excuse. He just didn’t have that relationship with Harry. Which is fine. I just can’t stand when people disregard all of his actions and pretend like he did.

e) Daphne Greegrass. That’s it. I hate that character in fanfiction. It’s the worst. All the Slytherins are a bunch of childish bullies but somehow every single fic with Daphne she’s this girl with the personality of a Martial Arts Dragon Lady that never shows pain (or any emotion) and it’s superior to everyone else. And she has that stupid nickname “The Ice Queen of Slytherin”. And she’s a shit character. I don’t even think she had a line in any book? She’s the Blaise Zabini of the Slytherin girls, except Blaise has different personalities in fanfiction. Can we kill this fucking trend?