@hantengudelulu

@hantengudelulu

I just know, I feel it in my veins, that he turned into Urami at some point of the night. I just know it like the back of my hand.

Hantengu is the best lover of them all

So I was rewatching Game of Thrones, the scene where Tyrion and Bronn were so confused as to why the whores didn't accept Podrick Payne's money for their services...and one of my story reviewers suggested out of the clones Hantengu might be the best lover out of them all so...Here is a crack fic of that:

Sekido had had enough of Hantengu’s whimpering. While he represented the emotion coward, he wasn’t afraid to walk into battle and have his head chopped off to release them so Sekido knew Hantengu could control his quivering and shaking when he wanted to.

They walked through the streets of Yoshiwara in human form, Karaku in tow clapping his hand on the old man’s back.

“You just need a confidence boost old man…” 

Hantenu quivered again.

“I-I don’t u-understand why y’you have taken me here.” 

Sekido grunted, rubbing his temple as if the mere sound of Hantengu’s trembling voice gave him a headache.

“You’re an embarrassment,” Sekido snapped. “Your sniveling makes me sick. You need to toughen up.”

Karaku grinned and leaned down to Hantengu’s height, patting his shoulder. “A little bit of fun will do you good, old man. Nothing like a woman’s touch to put some fire back in your bones. Get some confidence.”

Aizetsu sighed from the side, his eyes fixed on the brothel’s lantern-lit entrance. “This is pointless. He’s just going to cry the entire time. We’re wasting our energy and he will only embarrass us. ”

“I-I-I don’t think this is n-necessary,” Hantengu stammered, fingers twitching nervously. “M-my body is too f-fragile for such indulgences…”

Karaku chuckled, winking at the courtesans peeking out from behind the sliding doors, whispering and giggling amongst themselves. “Don’t worry, old man, they’ll take good care of you. Just relax.”

With a huff, Sekido gave Hantengu a rough shove through the door and threw him a purse of coins.  “You’ll stay in there until you stop acting like a coward. Maybe if you’re occupied with something useful, you’ll quit whining for once.”

Karaku turned to the madam. 

“Send him a couple of your best courtesans.” 

Hours later, the clones waited impatiently in the brothel foyer. Sekido was practically fuming, his arms crossed as he tapped his foot.

“This is ridiculous. How long does it take to—”

The door slid open, and Hantengu stumbled out, red faced and twiddling his fingers together. 

Before Sekido could say anything, he looked behind him to see….

A dazed-looking woman stumbled out, her cheeks flushed and her hair in disarray. A second woman followed, equally disheveled, and the two leaned against each other, whispering and giggling like schoolgirls.

A third woman emerged, fanning herself with a fan. "I’ve never… My gods…"

Two more women came out….

“Oh my…” one of them gasped, pressing a hand to her flushed cheeks. “I… I didn’t know it was possible to… feel like that.”

The other nodded dreamily. “He was so gentle… and then suddenly… not. I didn’t know what to expect next. He kept apologizing between every—” She broke off into a shuddering sigh.

The clones were speechless.

Another woman peeked out from behind the others, her face red and eyes half-lidded. She gave a shaky laugh. “I… I think I’m in love.”

Two more women appeared behind her, one of them barely able to stand on her own. “I think he broke me,” one whispered to her friend, who just giggled and nodded.

Another woman came out, red faced. “Oh my goodness,” she said breathlessly. “I think he made me unlock my third eye and find nirvana.” 

Sekido turned to Hantengu, his face twisted in a mix of horror and disbelief. “How many did you...how....you're telling me you satisfied...—”

Hantengu flinched, hiding behind his sleeves. “I-I didn’t mean to… I was just trying to d-do what they said…”

“Hey, why do you still have the money? You need to pay them,” Aizetsu commented in bewilderment. 

“Ohhhhh don’t worry about that,” one of the women said.

She turned to Hantengu. “Just come any time. You don’t have to pay ever again. At all.”

Even the madam, who had joined in at one point due to all the noises in the room, nodded in agreement.

Karaku’s jaw practically hit the ground, his pride taking a massive hit. “Wait… hold on a second,” he sputtered. “You’re saying… they didn’t even charge you?”

The woman just winked at Hantengu with a satisfied sigh. “Not a single coin. Consider it our pleasure, dear.”

Even the madam, who ran a notoriously high-priced establishment, gave a slow nod. “Anytime. For him, it’s on the house.”

Aizetsu blinked, his frown deepening as he tried to make sense of it. “That’s… not possible. Even I’ve had to pay before…”

Urogi squawked in confusion “Wha?  The old man gets free passes while we have to cough it up?!”

Karaku’s face twisted into a mix of disbelief and frustration. “What the hell?! I’m the embodiment of pleasure! I know my way around women better than anyone! And you’re telling me the sniveling coward outdid me?!”

Before anyone could respond, Urogi dragged Karaku into a nearby alleyway, the others following suit. Sekido practically threw Hantengu against the wall, his eyes burning with fury. “Start talking. What did you do to them?”

Karaku grabbed his shoulders, eyes wide and desperate. “Details, old man! Details! Did you use your hands? Your tongue? What the hell made them lose their minds?!”

Hantengu squeaked, his hands trembling. “I-I-I… I didn’t know w-what to do… s-so I just followed their lead and….”

Karaku’s eye twitched, his ego more bruised than ever. “I’ve never once been offered free access! Not even a discount! And you—” He pointed a shaky finger at Hantengu. “You don’t even like women!”

Urogi grumbled next to him. “Can’t believe we got outclassed by a coward.  Maybe the key is to cry and beg more!”

Sekido whirled around, shoving Urogi back with a glare hot enough to melt steel. “Shut up. This is an embarrassment to all of us. How am I supposed to look anyone in the eye when I know that he—” He jabbed a finger in Hantengu’s direction, who promptly squeaked and ducked behind his sleeves. “—he of all demons has us beaten in something like this?!”

Aizetsu looked at Hantengu with a strange mix of pity and resentment. “I don’t understand it either. But… it’s true. They really did fall for him....How? ”

Sekido let out a guttural snarl, grabbing Hantengu by the collar and lifting him off his feet. “Listen here, you miserable worm. You’ve humiliated us today. If you ever let that pathetic display happen again, I’ll rip your head off….”

Hantengu quivered, eyes wide with terror. “Y-Yes! I-I’m sorry! P-Please forgive me!”

Sekido dropped him with a sneer, muttering darkly under his breath. “Disgraceful. I’m going to kill something just to get this feeling of shame out of my system.”

Karaku was still pouting, arms crossed and eyes narrowed at the ground. “Next time, I’m picking the brothel. No way I’m losing to Hantengu again. I refuse.”

Hantengu, still on his hands and knees, peeked up nervously. “I-I’m really sorry…”

“Shut up!” the other three snapped in unison, leaving Hantengu to shiver pathetically on the ground.

And as they walked on, their pride permanently scarred, they all vowed to never speak of this night again.