This Scene Is Always In My Mind

remember when Jim introduced Spock to his own parents lmao we stan a legend

I need to start doing things I want to do instead of spending all my time thinking about what I should be doing, or everything will lose its meaning again.

So, First Light wasn’t the first (ha) song from Unreal Unearth to grab me, but a couple days ago it hit me like a truck and I have so many thoughts?

As an album closer, First Light is the exhale, the emergence from hell, but I think it’s also sorta about Hozier, or the narrator rather, romanticizing the mundane? Like, these lines:

One bright morning changes all things Soft and easy as your breathing, you wake Your eyes open at first a thousand miles away But turning shoot a silver bullet point-blank range And I can scarce believe what I'm believing in Could this be how every day begins?

The narrator wakes up in bed with his new lover. At first they’re groggy, then they see him, and BOOM, that look, the one of recognition/love that completely pierces him to the soul, that makes him question if this is real, if this can last

The sky set to burst The gold and the rust The colour erupts You filling my cup The sun coming up

… it’s just the sunrise. Pretty colors on the horizon, and his lover pouring him a cup of coffee. Such an ordinary act, a commonplace moment, yet it means so much more.

Like I lived my whole life Before the first light Like I lived my whole life Before the first light

And yet that’s enough, to overwhelm him with this sense of change, of this new version of himself, of new joy so intense it obliterates all that came before…

One bright morning goes so easy Darkness always finds you either way It creeps into the corners as the moment fades A voice your body jumps to calling out your name But after this I'm never gonna be the same And I am never going back again

That morning, that moment, is lovely, but it’s ephemeral. Darkness can and does return, it always will. But his lover calls his name, and he can’t help but respond to it, and be changed by it, this new self he shares with a lover, the new self he will become even if it ends.

The only way is forward, and that’s the beauty and tragedy of it all. It happens to almost everyone, at some point or other, and it’s so normal but it matters so much.

rewatching where no man has gone before and it's wild how different spock's characterisation is in this versus the rest of the series. like i know logically (haha) that the episode was so early that the show and nimoy didn't really have a grasp on the character yet (made evident by the "one of my ancestors married a human woman" line), but it also strikes me that this is technically kirk's first episode in timeline (production) order, meaning jim and spock have barely started to get to know each other. it's obvious from the chess game that they're already very close and likely have been joined at the hip since their very first meeting, so i like to think that spock is almost, ya know, giddy at this point, adjusting to the comforting warmth and joy and security he feels just by being around jim all the time because it's all so new, because he's never had anything like this before. spock likes jim so much and so immediately and wants to get to know him better and feels safe enough around him to let jim get to know him better, too. the interaction at the end, "i felt for him, too" and "there might be some hope for you yet, mr. spock." followed by a very not-subtle, fond smile from our dear vulcan first officer, just stands out so much against the rest of the series. young spock and his brand new blossoming crush for his captain and he hasn't gotten to the point where he's afraid of those feelings yet, just basking in how nice it feels to have a proper friend. so damn cute. it fills me with butterflies.

The way Neil Josten switched into Nathaniel in order to process and handle the abuse and trauma of being found by his father's people and the reality of his looming death will never not fuck me up, he literally said I can't handle this but maybe the Butcher's son could. And then. And then!! The way those two versions of himself coalesce into Neil Abram Josten (legally recognised) after Nathan is dead and the truth is out? The Neil Josten we see in The Sunshine Court has all of the attachments of Neil Josten, the slow unraveling of family and care but all of the hard edges of Nathaniel, unflinching from the reality of the world he lives in and the decisions he has to make to keep his life. Nathaniel would never have stuck around long enough to care about Jean Moreau and call a hit out on his abuser. Neil would never have trusted those resources available to him (or potentially the trail it could leave) in order to deal with the problem in one brutal but efficient move. But Neil Abram Josten reforged could, would and did.

oh mirror spock i think of you constantly....... how jealous do you think he was of og spock for having an actual useful, reliable and cute jim kirk. that one talk og jim and mirror spock had before jim went back to og universe..... oh i know mirror spock thinks about it every night. maybe sometimes he gets slightly satisfied that at least, in another universe, he got to have a jim he could love (and one that could love him back)

was it casual when his evil alternative version helped you get back to your universe because he wanted your evil counterpart back

You know what else drives me crazy about The Naked Time? This exchange:

It isn't just because of Spock saying, "Jim, when I feel friendship for you, I am ashamed" or "Understand, Jim. I've spent a whole lifetime learning to hide my feelings." Although, that absolutely is part of it, the fact that Spock is locked into his regret over not telling his mother he loved her and his shame at realizing that, despite all his work to adhere to Vulcan principles, he still feels love. It's that gap between duty versus desire, between expectations versus wants, and what remains in spite of the pressure. (I realize his words parallel a love confession in any other context, between any heterosexual couple, and that fandom looks to his shame as a confirmation of internalized homophobia, but the biggest issue for Spock is that love, sorrow, shame--all powerful emotions--still exist for him. He is not a Vulcan if he feels these emotions and gives into them. He is only a half-Vulcan and half-Human, caught between worlds and the judgments and expectations of two very different societies.)

It's because Kirk changes his phrasing of "We've got to risk a full-power start!" to, "We've got to risk implosion!" Implosion, like many words, holds multiple meanings. The intended meaning is "a violent collapsing inwards," the opposite of explosion. But implosion can mean integration, a coming together towards a single center point. We've got to risk coming together. We've got to risk integration. And Spock responds, "It's never been done." They repeat these lines twice. Repetition is a device to call attention in writing. Why have Kirk say they have to risk a full-power start twice before only to change it to implosion and repeat it twice? The two phrases mean something different, but it's important enough to bear repeating. (One could argue it is sloppy writing, or perhaps a case of actors failing to remember their lines, but what are the odds it was either of those, especially with someone as thoughtful as Leonard Nimoy. Either a writer is a professional who understands the power of words, or everything is somehow coincidental, holds no actual meaning, and writers don't think carefully about word choice and meaning, especially in an era where nuance can make or break a story on the screen.)

In the 1960s, during the time of the Hays Code, of course, two men couldn't be together as a couple on TV or in film, not even in space, in a time set centuries beyond our present. But damn if the dialogue can not hint at it, dance around it in plain sight. Again, Kirk and Spock's relationship must exist in the margins, between the lines, encased in nuance and multiple meanings, because to use explicitly clear phrasing would mean it all gets cut.

Hence, this bit of dialogue. The slaps become Spock catching Kirk's hand and holding it steady--direct sustained contact, a coming together, implosion. Spock is torn between regret and shame and love, while Kirk shouts about the ship being destroyed and ending the lives of the crew, their shared duty to the ship. The dialogue is Spock's turmoil writ large--do what must be done, accept two separate halves becoming a whole (is it Spock's two halves or Kirk and Spock? I'll leave that up to you), or remain apart and give into despair. But Kirk tells him their only chance is to risk implosion, to come together, and they have to take that chance.

i've said before i love the way mccoy and spock take care of kirk. but the way kirk looks out for spock when his father is not only the first suspect in a murder case but also has jist had a heart attack. its slightly different the way kirk does it, he's more direct and more soft spoken- it's a tone of voice he rarely has- but he understands the topic is not up for discussion and he let's it go, hopefully letting him know hes there if spock need him

Alright I’m now convinced this was intentional

Guys buckle in cuz it’s time for another installment of Kirk judges someone for doing something morally questionable for possibly good reasons and then finds himself doing something similar/faced with the same dilemma several episodes later.

First round it was the Menagerie and Conscience of the King

Kirk was mad at Spock for lying and hiding why he took the ship off course with Pike and then literally the next episode Kirk hides his intentions with Kodos as he takes the shop off course until he is confronted. Another fun contrast between the two is everyone except Kirk thinks Spock is acting weird in the Menagire before he explains himself, while in conscience of the king, only Spock notices Kirk is acting off and has to do digging on his own to figure out what is going on because Kirk refuses to explain.

Second round was a taste of Armageddon and the Errand of Mercy.

In the former, Kirk was pissed at the locals for fighting this war on computers, condemning 3 million to die every year, instead of going to the negotiation table and working this out. So he destroys the computer (their weapon of war) to force them to negotiate.

And then in the latter story, the locals of a planet take away Kirk and the Klingons’ ability to fight via disabling all their weapons across the entire galaxy in order to force a negotiation that both sides are hesitant to start.

And round three is Tomorrow is Yesterday and The City at the Edge of Forever.

In the former, after the enterprise accidentally time travels, Kirk kidnaps some pilot b/c said pilot has seen their spaceship and could change the future. The pilot tries to escape several times to get back to his country and wife, not caring about the consequences, much to Kirk’s annoyance. And the episode ends with them erasing everything, even the events themselves so the timeline is restored.

And of course, in the latter story, Kirk is faced with the dilemma letting the woman he fell in love with die in order to restore the future, or saving her and condemning millions to die in a changed future. He chooses the former, and is so wrecked by this he curses for the first and last time in the whole tv series. And the episode ends not on a shot of the enterprise sailing away to its next location, but lingers on the time portal.

Edit: This one really gets me cuz that pilot was willing to break the timeline to be with his family, something extremely selfish, while Jim was able to let Edith die, sacrificing his personal happiness, saving the timeline.

Big picture is we can watch Kirk both see these dilemmas or actions from an outsiders perspective, and then later he either does the same thing or faced with the same situation personally. In short, it humanizes Kirk in a way that doesn’t make him an asshole.

I love this so much and I hope it continues.

Edit: so it didn’t really continue but I still really like this. You learn what kind of a person Jim Kirk is based on how he interacts with each given episode plot and how he deals with said plots in comparison to other people rather than him just monologuing about himself.