I Keep Thinking About The Foxes Taking A Camping Trip And Learning That They Can Never Take Neil Josten

just finished city on the edge of forever and i know we all talk about "by his side, as you always have been and always will be" yeah yeah yeah i too choked on raw yearning when she said that but

EVEN WHEN HE DOESN'T SAY IT, HE DOES?

insane. it's about captain but also about love. this line is the original version of "officer when he's angry with you and detective when he's not" -- love, as loyalty or devotion or service or care or effort or any of the numerous behaviors we come to associate with spock, underlies every instance he ever calls him captain, and here, we see with edith that he even means it when he doesn't. "if I let go of a hammer on a planet that has a positive gravity, I need not see it fall to know that it has in fact fallen" he need not even call him by name to know that everything he DOES is a revelation of care!!!!!!! calling him captain as a love confession, my god. who needs romance when we have duty.

aziraphale's relationship with heaven vs crowley's relationship with hell in S2 serves as this beautiful, heartbreaking metaphor for the choice that so many queer people with unaccepting - and in many cases abusive - families find themselves forced to make. crowley has made the leap. he's cut himself off, and when they've tried to stay in touch or even bring him back, he's always resisted. "we're better than that, you're better than that!". in a way he's been through it before - he was rejected by heaven, and so it makes sense to him to take the opportunity to reject hell on his own terms. it doesn't come without consequence, of course. so many queer people find themselves having to suppress their identities until they're financially independent - cut to crowley living in his car. but he's made the choice, and he's free to do his own thing now. aziraphale, at the start of the season, is also more or less completely separate from heaven; we know from crowley "they don't talk to him anymore", and he's not making any effort to get in touch with them. but then when they ask him to come back, they manipulate him again. the metatron offers him coffee and then tells him "i've ingested things in my time, you know" - a world away from gabriel's "why do you consume... that?". he's assured that the things which he thought made him too... different, too not-good for heaven, are in fact okay. aziraphale was finally living his own life, far away from them, and doing the things he enjoyed, the things that they always shamed him for. but now he thinks, maybe he can go back and this time they'll accept him - it doesn't have to be like it was before! he's changed and maybe they have too, and if they haven't then maybe they'll listen to him! he can show them how to be better, he can make a difference. he isn't yet ready to face the reality that he can never be the person (well, angel) that they want him to be, not without losing sight of what makes him him. he might wish he could bring himself to say no, to cut them off, but he can't do it. because despite it all, he still has hope that they can change. and of course he does - years of trauma have told him time and time again that they're the good guys, after all. so he thinks, if they can't change, then who can? if they can't accept him, who will?

what am i supposed to do with the fact that kirk is like "oh btw the words 'let me help' are stronger even than 'i love you' haha" and then in the very next episode spock says 'let me help' to kirk

I love the dramatic, triumphant reveal that wolverine and deadpool survived the time ripper, mainly because i'm 1000% sure wade heard paradox monologuing™️ and was like "nonono hold on we have to wait for the Right Moment" and logan, who is 7 different kinds of exhausted at this point, was like "....yeah ok lol"

which leads to 2 grown ass men hiding behind a corner just waiting to ruin this british man's afternoon? logan really went from “i'll kill u with my teeth” to “yea sure i'll commit to your stupid bit” in like 2 days, honestly what a lad

can we talk about the car loving aziraphale as a manifestation of crowley's repressed feelings?

i wasn't convinced of it until it started inching towards him but. Crowley can feel everything that happens to the Bentley. Because it's an extension of Him. It's full of his essence. It loves Aziraphale because Crowley does. I'm going to be sick.

I love that four episodes into production TOS writers decided to reveal that James T. Kirk has an indefensible impulsive immoral evil monster in him, which is a core enough part of his being that it’s actually half of him, and he literally cannot live without it, and that the lesson of the episode was not learning to kill him, but learning to embrace and even comfort him. It makes so much sense that, when he has the choice, he chooses not to kill his enemies. He must look at them sometimes and see his own face.

contrary to popular belief logan loves physical touch. he wants head scratches and chin scratches and just loves the warmth of somebody else beside him. the first time wade notices is when logan sits down on the couch one day and instead of sitting miles away, he sits right beside him and it’s so close that he’s practically sitting ON him and wade looks at him confused and logan states that he’s only sitting that close because he’s cold. the next time wade notices is when he tries to fix logan’s hair. he starts fixing it and then commenting about how soft it is which ends up with his hands in his hair because wade obviously can’t talk about his fluffy hair without having his hands all up in his hair and logan just goes soft and doesn’t have that frustrated facial expression he always has on. wade then calls him a good boy and in return wade gets a “fuck you” and a punch in the face. and as time continues logan’s hard exterior starts disappearing which leads to the inevitable and it’s all sorts of cuddles and hugs and logan constantly around wade because he’s a literal walking heater (and he’s in love with him). and despite them eventually getting together wade will always get a “fuck you” when he stares too long at logan but he always notices the blush on his face and smile he’s trying to hide

My heart hurts so bad for Aziraphale because I can honestly just relate to him so, so, so much.

(not putting this one under a cut so warning season 2 ahead, I'll tag it at the bottom too)

Aziraphale says, "Nothing lasts forever," but I don't believe for a second he doesn't wish that it did.

He WANTS things to go back to how they used to be. He WANTS the seraphic Crowley squealing with joy as he cranks up the universal machine and sets the stars aflame. He WANTS there to be no sides, he WANTS to believe in the idea of the host united, he WANTS to go back before Crowley got himself in trouble by asking questions. He wants, I think, to be in that moment of creation and adoration forever.

Change seems to frighten him. There's an aspect of uncertainty. There's an element of chaos, the loss of control. I understand this deeply. And what the Metatron offered him was just that: certainty, control, the ability to dictate his own narrative.

I used to be in a toxic job. On top of it, I had intense anxiety and other undiagnosed neurodivergencies that made it even harder to fit in and understand the untold rules I was supposed to follow to get along. When I first got there, it wasn't so bad -- perhaps I was, like Aziraphale, also a bit idealistic. Then there were some changes that brought instability, significant more anxiety, and a lot of nights spent agonizing over my lack of control over it all.

My friends and significant other tried to convince me to leave, but I didn't want to. I didn't know what else was out there. I didn't know if it would be worse. I didn't know what kind of stability it would have.

Then my manager left, so that spot opened up. I had worked there for a long time, and honestly, I never saw myself going into management. I didn't think I could. I wasn't sure I even wanted to. All of that extra stress, on me? Not to mention, getting FURTHER into the job that was taking a massive toll on me? But then...

Then I would have control. Then I could run things the way *I* had always thought they should run. I wouldn't need to worry about who would replace my manager and whether my life would be a living hell -- I would make it what I wanted it to be. Upper management was really pushing for it, so I applied.

To make a long story short: I don't think it went very well. I didn't have the support I needed. I didn't have the emotional skills I needed. I think I did my best, but I'm not fond of those times. At the time, I was SURE that I wanted to move up even more, I was SURE this would make it all better. I thought this was what I REALLY wanted.

But that's not what I needed. What I needed was to get out, and eventually I did. Even as ready as I was to leave, it was absolutely agonizing. I could barely stand to handle the unknown. I was going to work together with my spouse, actually, and I was so excited for that, but I still... I still was upset and worried sick over the dramatic change that would befall my life, after I had made the decision to leave.

That's where I can relate to Aziraphale. I wonder what would've happened if, before I had actually left for good, the head honchos had come up to me and said, "We want to keep you -- how about we offer you (an even higher position)?" -- would I have said no, or would I have wanted to make a difference?

Funny, I said exactly that, too. That's almost why I didn't change jobs in the first place. I said, "But I feel like I'm really making a difference with what I'm doing now." But what pushed me over the edge was realizing that none of that mattered to them, it was all about THEIR control of ME, not the other way around.

I'm so intensely curious to see what happens with Aziraphale next, but I'm sure he will learn what Crowley understands: nothing lasts forever, and sometimes it's good that it doesn't -- even if sometimes we wish it did.

when you call my name it's like a little prayer i hear you call my name and it feels like home + "i'll probably see you around?" "probably not. see you, bub." "logan." = crazy they're fucking crazy

Everyone just thinks that hozier vibes are just cottage core with trees and animals and all that stuff, but i raise you Hozier's album vibes being:

Self titled: a beautifully old pub, with random guys in the corner screaming laughter with beers on their hands, a beautiful group of women happy in a table at the centre and a guy alone on one of the stools writing his diary

Wasteland, baby: a destroyed town due to some man made disaster and all that's left are ashes of what was once there and a couple that just fell for each other coming back to see what's left of it

Unreal Unearth: well maintained but abandoned cathedral at night with its affreschi coming off, a broken painting in the corner, and infinite history underneath it, a guy looking at all of it right after having his heart broken for the first time