The Sillies..... Haven't Drawn Them In A While :]

Various French Miku designs!!!!

1) Marie-Antoinette flavoured Miku

2) Northeastern French Miku

3) Choose your fighter : french high school stoners edition

Damianya Week Day 4: jealousy

Franky & Fiona

Damian Desmond: An Attachment Perspective

**Spoilers for SxF Chapter 106 Below**

I loved this chapter for so many reasons, but the one I really want to highlight today is that Damian may be insecurely attached, but he still has hope. And that he is so brave, in his own way.

Exhibit A: When Damian knocks on Demetrius' door and asks for help, I am 100% positive that Damian wasn't truly expecting a response from Demetrius. He's used to being ignored, especially by his own family.

But he tried anyway.

This is important, because most children of Damian's age who fall under the category of avoidant attachment wouldn't approach a situation like this where there is a possibility that they would be rejected. It speaks volumes to me that Damian has a sense that he would be turned away, but still he tries.

"I was hoping..."

Exhibit B: There is also this moment where we see that Damian wanted to say something, and then he silences himself before he can say anything.

(Don't cry, Lass, omg dont cry 😭😭😭 )

Damian is initially afraid, so he silences himself, but then there is this moment, where he pulls himself together, and tries again.

Endo is so brilliant at drawing out moments of important decisions for characters. You can see Damian making the decision to say something, and gather his courage, but he only falls short once he actually succeeds at getting Donovan's attention.

Under the heavy gaze of the head of the Desmond dynasty, I'm not surprised that 6-year old Damian felt his resolve crumble.

But!

He reverts to another option: find support. Which leads me to...

Exhibit C: This one makes me sob, actually. In response to his wavering confidence, Damian looks to his mother for support. The woman who should be his primary caregiver, and therefore his primary attachment figure.

And she turns away.

(Tears, tears down my face, my boy doesn't deserve this 😭 )

This is the third moment in this chapter alone that Damian does something that no other Desmond would dare: he seeks connection.

Damian tried to connect with his brother, his father, and his mother, all in the same chapter. He is the sole character that links them all.

All through Chapter 106, these are the moments that stood out to me the most, because it truly shows to me that Damian still has hope. Demetrius and Melinda are very clearly ingrained in their roles, and their behaviour is crystallised into what we see as the reader. It's obvious that this isn't the first time that Demetrius has rebuffed Damian's requests; and this isn't the first time that Melinda has ignored Damian's emotional needs.

I hear you wondering: Does Damian still have hope because he's still just a child?

Maybe. It's certainly possible. But I also want to highlight that Damian is insecurely attached; specifically showing an insecure-avoidant attachment style.

Children with this style of attachment typically experience high levels of emotional neglect, where their primary caregiver consistently does not meet their emotional needs. This leads the child to value independence, autonomy, and self-reliance, and to generally see others as untrustworthy.

We see this in Damian. He believes he is better, usually weaponising the Desmond name to place himself above others, but there is also an element where he believes he is better, because he ranks highly in the social hierarchy, and he achieves brilliant grades on his own merit, demonstrating his own self-reliance.

(Side note: Issues stemming from an avoidant attachment style can still coexist with self-esteem issues, but I'm trying not to complicate this post lol).

My point: Damian has experienced enough rejection in his childhood that he shouldn't even be trying with his own family anymore. But he does. He keeps trying. Damian still hopes that he can connect with his family, and I think that this is because this is a part of his actual personality.

On the inside, Damian is complex; he struggles with the weight of his identity, he is trying to find his place in the world, he yearns for attention and validation (specifically from his father), he finds comfort in believing that he is better than other people (even his friends), he struggles to handle big emotions, he prefers to work things through independently, and struggles to be vulnerable and ask for help, and he lies to himself about his big feelings so that he can avoid feeling them.

And my favourite thing about him: he still keeps trying. He gathers his courage. He gets back up. Time and time again he feels afraid, and time and time again he feels the fear and he tries anyway.

Damian is so brave, in his own way.

Jealousy 😗

summer day

spy x pta ORIGIN STORY???

i was interested in the pure aesthetic of loid fighting with a pta mom, but then i got way too into making a whole backstory. and of course there's twiyor but like, prpr (post reveal pre relationship) twiyor because why don't i just include everything i like while i'm at it?

anyways, as the first panel indicates, this is split into TWO PARTS because i lack restraint. i could have made one long post but i got impatient so i still have to draw the rest lmao

(everything related to this is under the 'spy x pta' tag on my account)

The new chapter (chapter 108) I noticed there is a difference on Anya's wording in Japanese about "bullying"

In this chapter, Anya use two different words to describe "bullying"; いじわる (ijiwaru) and いじめる (ijimeru). While it seems like it's the same, turns out these two words have a slightly different meaning.

I did some searchs, turns out the word いじわる (ijiwaru) means "mean", it's an expression that is suitable to describe for someone intentionally annoys, irritates or harshly treat them, but without malicious intent/result, and it tends to be a one-off occurrence.

Meanwhile the word いじめる(ijimeru) means literally "bullying", a malicious act of feeling superior to those weaker than oneself and getting satisfaction from the other person's sadness, and it's continuous.

I'm going to compare how Anya use the words here, I'm taking example from chapter 15.

In chapter 15,

いじめてくるからきらい (iji mete kuru kara kirai)

(he bullies/intimidate (me) so I hate (him))

This sentence is used for Anya to describe how she feels about Damian. It was reasonable, considering this was set really early in the story, right before they had the dodgeball game. Anya's didn't know about Damian's good nature yet and she still see him as a real bully.

However, in chapter 108

いじわるしてくるからきらい (iji waru shite kuru kara kirai)

I feel like the supposed closely correct translation is (he's being mean (to me) so I hate him).

Like I explained earlier, the word いじわる (ijiwaru) isn't as harmful as the word いじめる (ijimeru), and I feel like it's important to point out too because of the next scene..

じなんのははらすぼす(じなんのちち)にいじめられてる…？ (jinan no haha rasu bosu (jinan no chichi) ni ijimerareteru...?)

(second son's mother is being bullied by last boss (second son's father?))

Here, Anya use the word いじめる (ijimeru) when describing of what she thinks of how Melinda and Donovan's relationship be like.

🫠

Well, I'm loss at words. Let me know what you think lol (and feel free to correct me if you can speak or fluent about the Japanese language!)

Eden Academy kids you are so dear to me

After two months, the SxF manga is finally back! There's lots of interesting Melinda content here, so let's analyze!

I would say the main thing we learned about Melinda in this chapter reinforces what's been hinted at before - not only does she truly despise Donovan, but she's actually terrified of him. Her expression on this page when she thinks of his souless eyes says it all.

Whether her fear comes from direct abuse, knowledge of what unspeakable things he's done in the past, or something else entirely, has yet to be seen. This chapter also emphasizes the fact that she can't freely do what she wants without being fearful of what he would do. Just like at the end of the bus hijacking arc where she made Damian promise not to tell Donovan that she had come to pick him up, we see in this chapter that she can't let him know about her occult hobby either.

But while it's not clear what exactly Donovan does or has done to her to make her like this, what is clear is that her fear of him is what's caused this inescapable hatred of him, which was so strong that it caused her to also develop feelings of hatred for her son because he's something that connects her to Donovan. But like we've seen before when Anya first read her mind, her dislike for Damian is fickle; one minute she wants him to disappear, but deep down she loves him. While the first incident after the hijacking made her seem more ambivalent, this chapter reveals that her "good" side is her true intent - wanting to be a worthy mother to Damian and see him happy.

But her fear of Donovan is so gripping, that just the thought of confronting him makes her paralyzed with fear. She becomes too exhausted to continue and even starts questioning why she bothers with fortune telling at all. Perhaps it's an unconscious coping method that she uses to try and find a way out of the horrible situation she's in.

Hopefully we'll learn even more about Melinda in the next chapter when she has her appointment with "Dr. Forger." But another thing I wanted to point out in this chapter is reiterating how empathetic Yor is to Melinda's condition despite not knowing what's actually bothering her. And in recommending that Melinda see Loid at work, she's actually helping with his mission! (of course only Anya realized this).

And oh my god, the "grim reaper" joke had me cackling 😂 Their expressions in the first panel were hilarious enough, but then Yor had to make sure Anya knows that she doesn't use a scythe! That's just so her.

Guess it wouldn't be a SxF chapter without one quiet, bittersweet scene, courtesy of Loid this time 😭

I also love how the boys are enamored with Yor. Even foul-mouthed Damian can't bring himself to be directly rude to her, so he just runs away 😆

I know a lot can be said about the Tarot card meanings, but this post is long enough already, so I'll leave that part up to others who are better with that type of analysis 😅 I'm just glad the SxF manga is officially back! I'm relieved Endo is better and giving my best wishes that his health continues to stay good 🤞