Such An Amazing Shoot!

Clear Skin & A lot of money

Clear Skin & A lot of money 

Clear Skin & A lot of money 

Clear Skin & A lot of money 

Clear Skin & A lot of money 

Clear Skin & A lot of money 

Clear Skin & A lot of money

Accidental selfies. Taken (unknowingly) while adjusting camera settings.

A lot of people have hurt me. And sometimes I act like it. 🤷🏽‍♂️ Y’all let people get away with a lot worse.

Just Me

I need to finally accept the fact that I’m alone. I tried to open myself up to help and friendship and support & I’ve had to demand it. It did not come freely. I don’t think this is going to change. It hurts but I accept it.

I think pretty soon, I’m just going to have to diminish my contact with others. Keep it to only public scenarios like grocery stores and barbershops. Leave personal ties behind me. I wish things were different but there nothing I can do.

I wish that I didn’t have to keep changing myself to fit into this world. I’ve really come to like who I am as a person, and I thought I was bringing something good to the world. I find myself having a harder and harder time everyday. Being myself makes me only feel more lonely and like I don’t belong. I wish no one would ever know this feeling.

So much of the time I feel like I don’t matter. And I think I do, but no one else seems to think so. I’m not sure how I’ll manage to be who I want to be and also remove myself from society. So much pain. It doesn’t matter. My feelings don’t seem to matter. How can I value myself when no one else does? I’m conflicted. I’m hurt. I think I really should just leave everyone alone.

Maybe one day someone will hear me.

(11.11.17)

One king. Many crowns.

Tall, Dark & Lonely.

The train jostled him from one lonely moment to the next.

The train car was quiet. Just about everyone was a sleep or was falling into it. There was nothing outside the windows. Darkness and the occasional flicker of light. He was empty.

The open-ended feeling in his stomach was the pain of loneliness. He clutched his bag as if it would hold him back. Maybe if he squeezed hard enough the bag would absorb his sadness. Regrettably his efforts were no reciprocated.

How? How did he continually end up here? Close. Slam. Shut. The doors to love, companionship, affection, repeatedly shut in his face. Is it his karma? Is he unlovable? Is he simply unwanted?

The train doors are open. The air is warm, but not inviting. Where would it invite him to anyway? Further sadness? Deeper disappointment? Ugh, never mind.

The bed is soft. The darkness familiar. The loneliness his own. Lights out. Again.

(5.11.19)