I Finally Got It

being in yr 20s is abt experiencing the worst thing you can imagine & then having to go to the grocery store

I miss you more than I knew I would

and I hate it

because I promised myself

that I wouldn’t be that person,

the one who sits around

wondering how you are

and if you’re happy

but I couldn’t stop it and it sucks

because I wish I didn’t care.

I wish I felt nothing

but how can I feel nothing

for the person

who once made me feel everything.

MSI

Maybe forever wasn’t for us,

perhaps what we have right now

is all we’re meant to have...

is that so bad?

Let’s live forever right now,

love like there will be no tomorrow.

All we really need is right now.

MSI

<Right Now>

It’s like walking through a field of flowers

wearing a white flowy dress and you’re happy

you’re picking flowers and it’s a joy so immense

nobody can stop you, you’re free but then

you hit a wall, the flowers in your hands are not there

they’re replaced by rubbish, and then you look back

and it’s no longer the field of flowers.. it’s a mess

a mess that you have no choice but to fix

so you do, you walk back

and start piecing it all together and you’re sad

you’re guilty because you created such chaos

you beat yourself up about it as you see everything;

the people you hurt, the mistakes you made,

the good ideas that were actually bad ideas

then once it’s clean you’re excited.. it’s the field again

and you’re running through it again and it’s scary

because you never know where the wall is

when you’ll be stuck looking at the mess again

but you still enjoy it, you still love the flowers..

MSI

< Bipolar Disorder In My Words >

okay so miss you, i miss our talks and the friendship we had and it really sucks that you left and that we’re not talking anymore and i respect that a lot, i really do i understand your reason for leaving and know it wasn’t in bad terms but i wish we could talk again, every time i struggle in math i remember your attempt at explaining why you loved it and me simply not understanding the same way i explained my love for reading and you’d actually take my book suggestions regardless of the fact that you said you didn’t read or even like reading, i miss you in general and i wish that i could just mentally call you back into my life but i think y there is no higher power out there that can make that happen

the intimacy of “how did you know that?” “because i know you”

Journal Entry #1 | 07 Aug 2024

I feel like up until now I have been so confused about what I wanted to do with my life but I feel like I finally know. I know what I want to do. Maybe I am not in the right track to get there yet but I will be and it will all be amazing and life will look up. I will do whatever it takes for me to get there. I know what I have to do to get where I need to be. I just need to actually push myself to do it and I will because I am so excited to meet my goal and be where I need to be. I have to there is no more room for errors like the ones that I made recently.