Thinking About The Day Someone Will Actually Read My Tumblr And Find Out It's About Them-

already cried 3 times in 2022, this year gonna be long as hell

When they force me to go see a therapist

Therapist: Do you feel different sometimes? I mean different from the others

Me: *stays silent as if I was thinking about an answer*

Me: Don't you think we're all different?

Therapist: 0.0

Therapist: Wtf

Once in 6th grade I had to read a text in history class and when I saw “JC” I said “Jesus Christ or maybe Julius Caesar, I don’t know” and everyone stared at me and started laughing even the teacher

there’s this kind of heavy sadness invading me for no reason and leaving me broken even when nothing’s wrong

Well a few days ago I accidentally told my mom I’m trans

i feel so ashamed, making a big deal out of it...

i just.. i don’t know, i just realized i was lying to myself, and now that the reality hit me in the face, i gotta accept it.

me taking forever to reply to both my crush and the toxic person i hate

Someone had drawn a basketball court on my table in biology class today

Also yesterday there was a pumpkin on my history table

Wth is going on in this school, students don’t have anything to draw on

soooo a month ago i went to a party i wasn't invited to but my friends insisted so i said yes i waited outside in front of the house to wait for them as we weren't in the same car to get there i was early so only a few people were already inside and the street was empty at some point a guy on a bike stopped right next to me and awkwardly looked at me and said 'hi... are you also here for the party..?' and when i looked up i noticed that he had a really cute face, just like his voice so i said yes and he was like 'oh, thanks, i wasn't sure aha' and he smiled at me before talking again like 'well, i'll park my bike over there and hum... i guess i'll see you inside later?' so i nodded and he smiled before walking towards the house with his bike my thoughts were just like 'damn he's so cute and he looks kind' but as usual no expectations when it comes to people especially when i find them cute because i always feel worthless and there's no way they'd enjoy my company anyway more people arrived and eventually my friends did too so we went to the party after a few drinks i started giving water to everyone to make sure they'd be ok but at some point i lost my drunk friends and felt too tired to look for them in the moment but i noticed the cute boy having a conversation with my crush (yeah he was there too lmaooo) and another guy so i walked up to them and started talking with them anyway i probably spent like 10min talking to the cute boy in the end including the small talk before the party and the next day as he was gone all i had was his face, voice and first name after getting home and resting i started thinking about him again and i ended up finding his insta account since i knew many people at the party and they follow each other i followed him but that was it and he was a kind of memory i enjoyed even tho i knew we hadn't talked enough to be friends or anything he followed me back and replied to one of my stories but that was it i ran into him one day in town but he was busy so i only said hi before leaving and i was surprised he remembered me anyway, a lot of people have been texting me lately (bday, yay) so my phone spends the day ringing at some point i noticed that one cute boy's profile pic and i was like 'did you just... text me?' so anyway i answered and we briefly talked and i said i was surprised to see him texting me and he said 'well, it happens' and i said 'not to me' and he said 'now it happened :)' and then he asked me about myself because i hadn't said anything about me at the party and then i told him i enjoyed listening to people rather than talking about myself so he said there wasn't much to say about him and he proceeded to describe me the way he sees life and he was like 'it's kinda dumb so i don't really wanna tell people about it aha' except that i loved what he had said so i asked him for more and he was like 'well tomorrow's gonna be busy so i have to go to bed rn but i'll tell you tomorrow, feel free to ask me anything :)' and he wished me a good night i know it's not much and i know it doesn't mean anything but i also know that it makes me very happy, which is rare i'm just grateful for this small talk that turned into happiness for me, it might not last but if it can keep my mind busy with something positive for a while, it's just fine :)

one of his friends i never talked to followed me today and texted me as soon as i followed him back and i mean it could be a coincidence but i’m freaking out

might have gotten drunk and drawn my crush’s eye because tbh it’s one of his best features

and somehow my drunk ass managed to post it in my story and write that i have a crush on him and luckily i only used a song he likes to let him know it’s him i was talking about

now he’s either so dumb he didn’t realize (which he definitely isn’t) or he’s read all of it as usual and basically doesn’t give a fuck (which is actually good because it means it’s not a big deal, right??)

well at least he hasn’t blocked me (yet huh)