It’s Trans Day Of Remembrance.

It’s Trans Day of Remembrance.

This is the day we remember the trans lives we lost this year, both known and unknown. These lives may be lost by their own hand or by violence dealt against them.

This day gives me strange feelings: some survivor’s guilt, to be sure, some grief for siblings I’ll never get to know, but also a feeling I struggle to find words for.

There are many names that should be on that list that never will be due to never coming out. Back in high school, I almost became one of those names. Honestly, what kept me from being one of those names was the fact that it would never be known, and that I would be deadnamed at my funeral. Having that experience gave me a point of relation that I think about whenever this day rolls around. Those are the ones my mind drifts to.

You may be a closeted trans person, considering the value of your life now, considering a feeling of entrapment and restriction and the alternatives to that feeling. I have lost much by coming out, but I’ve gained so much more: freedom and recognition of my self from people that truly love me. Know that there are places and people of support that will love you for you. If living inauthentucally is too big a burden to bear, as it so often is, please try to live authentically rather than give up entirely. You won’t be alone.

For the rest of you, please take some time today to meditate on the life and love that could have been, and how you can make the world a bit better for those at risk of becoming a name in this group, whether that be in a sense of welcoming, loving acceptance, or in a sense of protectiveness from those that might harm them. If you’re the praying type, please pray for a world more accepting to us so that this day becomes less and less significant.

For those for whom this day exists, rest in the peace and love you did not know in life. You are remembered.

—Sophia Esther