I Watched It When It First Came Out And Have Regretted It Ever Since.

put Naughty from Matilda The Musical in your Laurent of Vere Spotify playlists you cowards

I know nothing about castlevainia but I worship the blond he's so pretty

Me at my cat after he scratches me: you can be kind. You can turn your life around whenever you want, Greebo

So since tomorrow is Halloween, I decided to make a recommendation list of my favourite horror podcast episodes to recommend on Halloween as a way of celebration, and for anyone looking to get into podcasts but maybe being too intimidated by starting a whole series at once and just wanting a taste. As such, all of these episodes can be enjoyed as a stand alone and without needing the context of the rest of the series' story.

1) Penumbra Podcast

( 1.13 Home)

Summary:

When a family is preparing to move out of their old house in a week and the parents are away for a night, siblings Jake and Lily find out their home has a lot more heart than they may be comfortable with.

This was the last stand alone oneshot episode the Penumbra Podcast did, and one of the only horror ones. I'd say it's more spooky than scary with a wholesome twist to it, which makes it welcoming for any newcomers to the horror genre or someone looking to listen to something for Halloween that isn't as dark as the other recommendations on this list. It does get intense in certain parts, and while it isn't a story about domestic abuse it may be disturbing to those who find those themes triggering.

Runtime: 30mins

2) Old Gods of Appalachia

( 0.5 The Witch Queen)

Summary:

They say there's a witch in that valley, and you'd do well to stay away from there. Journey back to the settling of the central plateau and witness the power of mountain women.

Oh I do love a good witch character, and the Witch Queen is one of my favourites. It feels somewhere half between a fairytale and a ghost story. This is the prologue to the main series (and the first chapter in the Witch Queen storyline). It's well written, performed, and genuinely creepy. The setting of the story is an alternate Appalachia (that draws from the real life events and history of Appalachia) where the supernatural is real and impossibly strange, with what lies beneath the mountains and the power that dwells within the forests.

Runtime: 24mins

3) The Silt Verses

( 1.04 Of Lovers, Gods and Beasts)

Summary:

We follow Sister Carpenter, worshipper of an outlawed river god, travelling up the length of their deity’s great black river, searching for holy revelations. As she attempts to locate the Trawler-Man's church in the woods of Penda's Slake she runs into trouble instead, in the way of a strange elk.

This was the first episode of the Silt Verses that gained the series a level of attention, and it's through that I came to hear about the series. This is certainly one of the more dramatic episodes, and it's worth listening to for Méabh de Brún's performance alone, but if you like allusions to greek myth and themes of religious existentialism interwined with body horror, then this episode is an absolute delight.

Runtime: 55mins

4) The Magnus Archives

(1.32 Hive)

Summary:

Statement of Jane Prentiss, regarding… a wasps’ nest in her attic. Original statement given February 23rd, 2014. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

"There is a wasps’ nest in my attic. A fat, sprawling thing that crouches in the shadowed corner. It thrums with life and malice. I could sit there for hours, watching the swirls of pulp and paper on its surface. I have done. It is not the patterns that enthral me, I’m not one of those fools chasing fractals; no, it’s what sings behind them. Sings that I am beautiful. Sings that I am a home. That I can be fully consumed by what loves me..."

I am sorry. Every other episode on this list is fantastic, but Hive will always be my favourite. The nature of the Magnus Archives as a horror anthology podcast that has an overarching meta plot means I could've picked any episode from the first two seasons that would've worked well for this list to jump into. But it had to be Hive. This is the kind of thing that reminds me why I love horror. The structure of the episode devolving into Jane's mind, the blurred lines between human and monster, the powerful imagery squirming it's way into your brain, crawling under your skin, the way Jon's voice shifts as he's recording the statement, slipping further and further away, becoming more intensely hypnotic, I just... please listen to it. It will deeply unsettle you. (warning for trypophobia). Also, for anyone curious about getting into the Magnus Archives, this episode is filled with a lot of foreshadowing and symbolism, so it's a great one to listen to on its own and also within the context of the series!

Runtime: 20mins

5) I Am in Eskew

(Ep4: Culpability)

Summary:

In a city of steep and winding streets, where the mime artists prance in their ghastly masks and the rain never stops, is the monstrous kafkaesque city of Eskew. David Ward, our protagonist, records his strange experiences with the city that was not built or made, but born.

David meets a murderer - and hears the story of a horrific, life-altering childhood experience.

I almost feel guilty for including this one, since I already have Of Lovers, Gods, and Beasts from the Silt Verses on this list, which is by the same writer Jon Ware. Buuuut I just really like this one and think it's a shame it sometimes gets overlooked. I liked listening to I Am in Eskew, but it wasn't till this episode that I was truly intrigued by it. Culpability feels like a murder mystery being unravelled where you're waiting for the unexpected twist round the corner only to find the knife was sticking out of your back the whole time.

This was also the first time the series made me sit down and think about what it was trying to say, the potential metaphors of depression, guilt, disassociation, and isolation. As well as the idea of becoming so accustomed to pain and fear that hope and comfort become the greater and unfamiliar terrors to be used against you. You can probably summarize from that this is the bleakest episode on this list, though not the goriest (though there is some child violence/abuse/body horror) but not bleak to the point of pointlessness.

Runtime: 28mins

6) Tales from the Gas Station

(A Murdxr at the Gas Station)

Summary:

While working the nightshift at the gas station at the edge of town, Jack Townsend is used to having encounters ranging from weird to downright horrifying. Tonight is no different, when a crow suddenly flies in.

This series is just some fun horror comedy that pokes fun at horror tropes while leaning into them, maintaining its own sense of unsettling and weird. There are a few intense and gory moments in this episode, but I picked this one simply because it's the stand alone episode in the series that made me laugh the most, and the one I relisten to the most frequently. It's dark, it's fun, it's spooky, plain and simple. (This one is only available on YouTube to listen to and not on any other usual podcast platforms)

Runtime: 30mins

And with that, I hope there is something on this list for everyone who loves or is new to horror podcasts to enjoy!

And I wish you a very Happy Halloween!

Sharks I respect

All of them

Sharks I don't respect

None of them

I was trying to explain to my mum that I want to be cremated and made into a reef when I die and she just said "you won't die" with such surety and determination and I was like "oh alright then I guess not"

What's the difference

you can literally always tell if an artist is/was a furry or not by asking them to draw a dog

They probably named him after Bacchus, the Roman god of wine and fertility

*white parent voice* i cant believe kanye and kim named their baby North West!! thats ridiculous!! oh no, its almost 4:30, i need to pick up my kids Mackaylikiah and Ashleighyie from their water polo practice!

WIP Wednesday 

I was tagged by @madneyfiles

“Sorry but you don’t get to tell me what to do.”

Bobby already ripped him up a new one when he found out what Buck had done. Eddie didn’t get to do it too. Eddie made a noise of discontent as he stepped into Buck’s office, closing the door behind him with a something a little close to a slam that had Buck tossing off his glasses so he could glare up at Eddie properly. 

A simple thank you would suffice but apparently that wasn’t what he was getting. Not judging by the downward twist of Eddie’s lips and the heat smoldering the anger in his eyes. 

“Oh yeah?” There was a mean edge to the tease in that drawl that made the heat in Buck’s skin flush hot and not in the good way 

Eddie was poking him, prodding for a fight that Buck wasn’t interested in giving him. Not when he would've made the same choice every time. Buck pressed the button on his desk that frosted out the windows and made his office soundproof so that all of Q-Branch didn’t have to hear Eddie and him fighting before he stood up. He rounded his desk and met Eddie toe to toe, ignoring the stutter of his heart against his chest when he caught the purpling bruise on Eddie’s cheekbone. 

“When it comes to your safety and getting you home then I’m going to do everything I can to protect you.” 

Buck had said something along the same lines to Bobby but there was something different that time when it was with Eddie. The words felt raw in his throat, cracked and fractured for anyone to see if they looked closely enough. He knew what he did was impulsive. He knew that he exposed himself in a way that went against protocol. 

But Buck wasn’t about to be bullied for the choice he made because he would do it again in a heartbeat. 

“Just mine?” Eddie asked, his mouth still tight but something softening in his expression that Buck wanted to lean into and never let go. 

The heat against his palm surprised him and Buck didn’t even realize he’d lifted his hand to settle against Eddie’s chest until he felt the low murmuring thump of his heart. A knot twisted in his throat, choking off the rest of his anger and burning away the lingering panic that he he’d been holding in his chest for days now. 

“They…” Buck breathed and tried to blink away the hot pressure building up behind his eyes. No. It was just the adrenaline. The adrenaline and the fumes. He stared down hard at Eddie’s chest where his heart was beating against his palm. “They touched you.”

Eddie’s hand curled around Buck’s wrist. “Lots of people touch me, Buck.” 

The flippancy made the anger sizzle in the back of Buck’s throat and he clawed his hand into a fist, twisting the fabric of Eddie’s henley with his fingers. He shook his head, sniffing again so he could shove back the tears and the worry and everything else he didn’t know how to identify without doing some serious soul searching and he would rather stick a laser in his eye, thanks. 

I'm going to tag @lovebuck @renecdote @homerforsure @mellaithwen @annabethwrites and @bigfootsmom

A story about a boy who wore his movie fandom on his head.