They Make Me Want To Chew On Rocks

The panicked part of me: I should just go live in a cottage in the woods #slowliving #cozy

The rest of me, shaking it by the shoulders: you absolutely cannot ignore the world right now. You are queer, an immigrant and barely lower middle class. That's just not an option

i don’t even know man

I have so many thoughts about this but it is too early in the morning for me to coherently gather my thoughts 😭

“I have trouble believing anyone here would do that.”

“In the games that I played, I saw dozens of people murder each other in the middle of the night.”

“Right where we’re standing.”

“You have no idea. You don’t understand this place. The kind of monsters that it can create.”

“Yeah, of course. I wasn’t thinking. You know better than anyone. I’m sorry.”

someone smarter than me who knows more abt psychology needs to write abt gi-hun and the learned helplessness that the games instilled in him. i find the last episode of s1 so interesting bc i KNOW that pre-games gi-hun would've gone down to the street and helped out that homeless guy himself. bc pre-games gi-hun, despite his many flaws, was proactive and impulsive and deeply caring towards others. but post-games gi-hun just stays put and waits for someone else to do help the guy. bc the games taught him that even when he tries to help people, he won't succeed. and that trying to help people never works. i don't think it's something he would consciously believe but it got ingrained in him on a subconscious level.

i think by s2 he's started to find his will and strength to help others again, as evidenced by him trying so hard to end the games and by him helping that one eliminated player in red light green light. but i'm worried that him standing up and starting a rebellion only to watch his best friend die is gonna put him right back in that mindset of believing that he can't (and shouldn't) do anything or help anyone.

i also think it's so interesting how even though he has such a distaste for the games, he still mostly follows the rules. even the rebellion itself could be seen as part of the game. but i'm mostly thinking about how he could have saved that homeless man, or how he could have refused to play russian roulette with the recruiter, but he didn't. he thinks he proved il-nam wrong, but in a way he just proved him right by standing so high above that man on the verge of death, literally betting on whether he'd live or not while doing nothing to help him. he was a vip in that moment and he didn't even realise it

everyday I remember that sangwoo is not buried properly and was probably burned like the rest of the dead players,

everyday I remember that saebyeok is not buried properly and was probably burned like the rest of the dead players,

And everyday I remember that gihun can’t go to their graves and grieve them because they don’t have proper burials, no flowers no candles.

gihun, youre so strong, ily 😪😪

“In-ho was only looking at gi-hun like that cuz he enjoys watching him suffer” okay but have you considered that I’m delusional

No actually like when I kept seeing s1 clips on tt I decided to rewatch s1 because of how much I forgot and he was such a sweetie 🥺 like he smiled a lot more and overall was so high energy it hurts seeing him now like he’s so serious and he barely smiles MY SHAYLAAAAA

Sorry me again I have a follow up thought about the rewatch: I completely forgot about how sweet Gi-hun was in S1 :,(((( like the comparison between the two breaks my heart

I know right!! He still is kind and all, but all of that trauma took away his energetic charm. I miss that he was a lot less traumatized and happier, even though his life sucked then too.

Watching him change is heartbreaking. I am just thankful we still have him with us and that his personality still shines through his trauma.

I want to sob :(

:]

Would you mind but i’m dropping that, you’re welcome !

Took 3 hours on it 👍