don't use "ftm" it's outdated and offensive. it implies that the trans person was their agab, which we never were. i was always a boy, never a girl who became a boy.
i'm 35 years old. i've been IDing as trans or something similar to trans for nearly 20 years. i was probably calling myself FTM while you were playing tag during recess, anon.
i WAS a girl. i IDed as a girl early in my life. i recognized myself as a girl, called myself a girl, lived as a girl, and was a girl. who then IDed as a man. hence, F t M.
spend more time worrying about yourself instead of strangers on the internet, anon.
sorry not sorry if this comes off as needlessly hostile, but i've been getting a lot of shit from a lot of teenage trans kids about the language i use to describe my own goddamn experience, and i'm growing real fuckin weary of it.
i have elder trans friends who call themselves transsexuals and transvestites and trannies. are you going to seriously go to a 60-year-old trans person who survived the reagan years and tell her she's not allowed to use certain language to describe herself because it might offend the delicate sensibilities of some teenager on the internet?
do yourself a favor and log off, find some real-life trans people who are over the age of 20 or 25, and spend time talking to them instead of getting all holier-than-thou at random strangers on tumblr.
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beta read by my beloved @raelwrites
âenemies (?) steve harrington X reader, follows along with 'the flea and the acrobat' and 'the monster'
[if anyone wants to be tagged let me know]
 when 1983 entered november, there werenât very many things you expected to occur. some fights perhaps, a date here or there to humour nancy, academic pressure. what you werenât planning for, and surely not what the rest of the residents of hawkins were planning for, was a funeral.
 sure, you could finally wear that all-black suit at the back of your closet, but it also meant having to acknowledge that something was seriously wrong in hawkins.
 and thatâs not mentioning all the fucked-up shit you and your friends had seen.
 âthis is where we know for sure itâs been, right?â jonathan said, holding the paper at an angle so that both you and nancy could also see.
 âso, thatâsâŚâ nancy points at one of the red crosses.
 âsteveâs house.â jonathan nods. âand thatâs the woods where they found willâs bike, and thatâs my house.â he lists what the other two crosses represent and you canât help but notice just how close everything was.
 âitâs all so close.â you voice, and jonathan agrees.
 âI mean, itâs all within a mile or something. whatever this thing is, itâs⌠itâs not traveling far.â
 âwell, thereâs gotta be like, somewhere it rests, right? if no one else has seen the thing then I meanâŚâ you trail off, though nancy seems to understand what youâre suggesting.
 âyou want to go out there.â her tone makes you hopeful that she wonât think your idea stupid.
 âwe might not find anything,â jonathan says, though nancy is quick to defend the idea.
 âwe found something.â she tilts her head at you, and you grimace when the creature flashes through your mind. âand if we do see it⌠then what?â you hadnât thought this far ahead.
 but it seems jonathan had, because after a brief sigh he states, âwe kill it.â
 when it became clear that you were all serious, jonathan folded up his makeshift map and stood. quickly moving to follow him when he starts for the parked car nearby you wonder aloud what heâs planning.
 âjonny-boy, wanna fill us in on your plan? âkillâ is a very broad idea, you know.â you try to keep your voice down, aware of the still-mourning towns-folk present.
 when jonathan reaches the car, he quickly situates himself in the passenger seat and begins to fiddle with the lock on the glove box.
 âwhat are you doing?â nancy questions, and you jump slightly having not heard her approach.
 âjust give me a second.â
 âweâre looking mighty suspicious, that second better end soon jonny,â you remark, placing a hand on the bonnet to lean on.
 âare you serious?â nancy suddenly asks and you look through the windshield only to see jonathan move a gun from the compartment to his jacket pocket.
 âoh, what the- holy shit. how do you even have that?â you gawk, quickly looking around to make sure no one was close enough to neither see nor hear what was currently happening.
 âwhat? you want to find that thing and take another photo? yell at it?â jonathan steps out of the car and with the slam of the door, nancy begins to voice her disagreement.
 âthis is a terrible idea.â
 âshh, no- nance, this is a fantastic idea. the fuck were we gonna do against some creature from the black lagoon looking weirdo?â while the appearance of a gun in the equation throws you off, you canât help but realise that itâs necessary for what you all had planned.
 jonathan agrees with you, looking at nancy while adjusting the new additions to his pockets, âitâs the best weâve got. what? you can tell someone, but theyâre not gonna believe you. you know that.â jonathan points at you and says your name, â- knows that.â
 âyour mom would.â nancy strikes back, as if the poor woman didnât have enough going on right now.
 âsheâs been through enough.â jonathan voices your sentiment.
 âshe deserves to know.â nancy continues to argue.
 you step closer and place a hand on her shoulder, squeezing enough to grab her attention. âweâll tell her, nance. but right now?â you gesture lightly at the fact that you were in a cemetery.
 âweâll tell her when this thing is dead.â jonathan finishes, and nancy has no reply.
 âwoah! hey- watch where you swing that thing, damn!â you jump out of the way, narrowly avoiding a collision with the side of nancyâs bat.
 âsorry-â she grunts your name, stepping into another swing, âjust practising.â
 you skim your fingers along the other wooden accoutrements by the wall only to jump again when an unfortunately familiar voice calls out, âwoah, woah, woah! hey, woah, woahâŚâ steve fucking harrington.
 âwhat are you doing here?â nancy asks, out of breath.
 âwhat are you doing?â steve claps back. fair, though you think itâs quite obvious either way.
 ânothing.â apart from swinging a baseball bat around like a lunatic, you mean.
 âI hope thatâs not meant for me.â oh. you grin.
 âshucks, you figured it out.â you hop closer to the pair, golf club in hand. âit was gonna be a surprise! yâknow, the whole maim and murder thing.â
 âwhat?â nancy slaps your arm and you giggle, posing with the club as if to whack something. âno. oh, no, I was just⌠thinking about joining softball.â at her attempts to explain you canât help but laugh briefly, relaxing from your previous position to use the club, now, as a cane.
 steve kicks the golf club and you almost fall. fair play.
 âwell, uh⌠listen Iâm really sorry. I mean, even before you threatened me with the baseball bat.â he moves around you two to lean against the car and you laugh at that. it was a little funny, okay? âI panicked and⌠I mean, I was a total dick.â
 you drop the shovel you were attempting to remove from the wall. âah! oh fuck, wait- did you just admit that?â when you turn, youâre met with twin faces of annoyance. not that surprising though you quickly pick up the shovel and mutter an apology to nance.
 âdid you get in trouble with your parents?â nancy focuses back on steve.
 âtotally, but⌠you know, who cares? screw âem. any news about barbara?â when steve asked about barb, you stop fiddling with the tools. nancy mustâve shaken her head because you didnât hear a response before steve asked, âparents heard from her? or?â
 this time, you turn and see nancy shake her head again. you can feel your hands begin to shake so you stuff them in the pockets of your jacket, which you still had to talk to nancy about.
 âhey, listen. why donât we, uh, why donât we catch a movie tonight, you know? just kinda pretend everythingâs normal for a few hours. all the right moves is still playing. you know, with your lover boy from risky business?â you snort at that but let them talk, knowing the invite was for nancy only.
 you havenât been invited to watch a movie since march.
 âyeah, I know.â
 âyou know, carol thinks I actually kinda look like him. what do you think?â steve turns his face side to side before bursting into song. âjust take those old records off the shelf, Iâll sit and listen to them by myself.â your urge to get a camera increases ten-fold at witnessing steve act a fool for nancy. god, what perfect blackmail material this would make.
 âI just, I⌠I donât think I can. Iâve been really busy with this whole funeral thing and⌠with my brother, itâs been really hard on him.â you can practically hear the soft emotional music that should be playing right now.
 âyeah, sure. sure, yeah, yeah.â and you canât believe you might actually feel a little sorry for steve.
 âsoâŚâ
 to alleviate some of the tension between steve and nancy, you waltz over and drape an arm across steveâs shoulders, reaching up to mess with his hair briefly. âIâll go with you, hotshot.â though you might cut your arm off later if a scalding shower doesnât disinfect the harrington off of you, it distracted the pair enough from their conversation for the mood to rise.
 plus, itâs not like steve would actually agree to go with you.
 âyeah?â steve asked, turning his head slightly to look at you. âthought you hated me?â
 âthat I do, dweeb, but you guys are so pathetic right now I might start to cry.â you frown exaggeratedly, bringing your free hand up into a fist by your face to indicate crying.
 when he turns back with a raised brow at nancy, you drop both arms and step away.
 when nancy turns to you then to steve and then back to you with a grin, you feel dread begin to build in your stomach.
 âwell, I think thatâs a great idea. you guys can, you know, bond,â nancy says, and you and steve share a look because while you both canât stand the other, you both also canât resist nancyâs puppy dog eyes.
 âso, what time?â steve asks.
 ok, minimise the damage, let him down gently, tell him you were joking.
 âif you got here with your car, weâre going now.â
 abort. abort. abort.
 âcool.â
 âcool.â
 amongst the list of idiotic things youâve done, stepping into the same car as steve harrington- stepping into steve harringtonâs car, has got to be quite high up on there.
 âI will be honest, though, you have a hell of a nice car.â you swipe your hands across the dash. âpermission to pilfer?â your hand hovers over the latch to the glove compartment.
 he laughs, âyeah, sure. itâs only mixtapes in there anyway.â at that you quickly fling it open, pulling the contents into your lap.
 âso, what kinds of- oh my god! hah! wait, holy shit- what are you, a disco freak?â you flick through the tapes, taking in the confusingly large amounts of abba. âoh, voulez-vous, neat.â you whisper and pop it in.
 steve glances at you but says nothing of it.
 it took one side of the tape and stop-start humming to reach the theatre.
 âthereâs no queue but if I donât get a break from you, I might actually punch you, so you grab the tickets to whatever-the-fuck, and Iâll get the popcorn.â
 you shoved your shaking hands into your pockets, waiting for the buckets to get filled up. âso-â steve calls your name and you jump, not expecting the teen to be behind you. âI got two for all the right moves.â he grabs one of the buckets the employee set on the counter and exchanges it for one of the tickets. âready?â
 you grab the other, sigh, and turn to the entrance to the screens. âas Iâll ever be.â
 you groan in relief as you walk out of the double doors to the cinema, half empty popcorn bucket in hand. âthat was like, the most boring movie Iâve ever seen. you enjoy that crap? like, nothing happened- itâs just some jock movie.â you thrust a thumb behind you.
 steve laughs alongside you, empty handed having poured the left-over popcorn into your bucket. âIâll be honest- Iâve only watched it so many times because nancyâs wanted to.â he grabbed a handful of popcorn to munch on.
 âaww, arenât you just the sweetest boyfriend!â you giggle and flick a piece of corn at him. he fails to swat it, thus entangling in his hair.
 âoi- not the hair!â he shakes his head, but the popcorn piece stays. âis it gone?â you smile and nod.
âIâll be honest, you do look a bit like tom cruise- hm. maybe if you flattened your hair a littleâŚâ when you reach up to touch steve quickly swerved out of the way. âspoilsport.â
 âoh, yeah?â steve confiscates the popcorn bucket and jumps out of the way of your hand, laughing when you trip a little. when you continue to move for the bucket, steve hops away further until the pair of you are running down the sidewalk.
 âsteve! st- oi, dweeb!â you pant, hunched over against the nearest wall. ânot everyoneâs a jock, you know!â
 when steve saunters back to you, popping pieces of corn in his mouth periodically, you straighten up. grab the bucket. run away.
 you run into a pedestrian and drop the bucket. steve lets out an anguished wail. so do you, actually.
 âthe popcorn! it was so meticulously curated!â steve drops down next to you, and you gawp at the fact that king steve so readily lowered himself to your level.
 âyou will be remembered⌠dearly.â you mock-wipe away a stray tear before standing up and dusting your legs. thankfully, the stranger had walked off without complaint. âcâmon, I probably have popcorn at home- and better movies.â
 âtaking me home already? donât you move fast.â steve teases, flicking a stay piece of corn at you.
 âdonât get any ideas, harrington. now, whereâs your car, again?â
 âyouâre only allowed in the car if you donât laugh at my music the whole way.â steve unlocks the car when you get to it, and you snort as you sit in the passenger seat.
 âstevie- half of your mixtapes are abba, what else am I supposed to do?â you flick through the tapes in his glove box, pulling out one at random and snorting when it turns out to be abba. you glance at steve when he has no rebuttal and double-back at the red face he sports. âuh- steve? you good?â
 the teen nods, hums and starts the car.
 âwhat, did you find the corn still in your hair?â you tease, picking the piece out and flicking it out of the window.
 âyeah, yeah totally that- hey, listen⌠Iâll drop you home but I gotta go- gotta pick up tommy and carol soon. uh- popcorn another time.â you slip the abba tape in, determined to ignore what caused steveâs mood to shift so much.
 âI guess chivalry isnât dead.â
 on saturday you wake to frenzied pounding on your front door. when it escalated from voiceless disturbance to frantic shouts of your name between the knocks, you stumbled out of bed, tossed on a discarded sweater, and journeyed to the front door.
 âdid you know?!â is what greets you the second you crack the door open. steveâs panicked voice is followed by the chill november wind so with a grunt you pull him inside.
 âdid I know what, harrington?â comes your grumble, resting against the door and wiping the sleep from your eyes.
 ânancy and jonathan.â he elaborates, poorly.
 âwhat about them?â you yawn.
 âtheyâre fucking sleeping together.â your mouth snaps shut.
 âex- cuse me?â well now that canât be what you heard, right? âdid you just- hold on. what the fuck did you just say?â
 ânancy- that- fucking bitch, sheâs sleeping with byers,â steve says through gritted teeth, and you canât help but scoff.
 âand this comes from, where exactly? also- donât call nance a bitch, whatâs wrong with you?â
 âyeah, well I fucking saw that freak cosying up with nancy in her bedroom.â steveâs words pause your feet in their walk to the kitchen.
 âwell now that canât be right.â you resume the short trip to the kitchen and hear steve follow behind you, steps heavy and breaths deep. âeggs or pancakes?â
 âwhat?â
 âitâs a simple question, harrington. eggs or pancakes?â you start taking bowls out of shelves and utensils from drawers.
 âpancakes?â
 âgood choice.â you turn around and point the whisk at him. âif Iâm gonna get through this stupid conversation youâre insisting I partake in, Iâm making some food.â
 you hear when steve sits down by the slight scrape of the table chair and heavy sigh. you know heâs going to begin talking when the teen clears his throat. âdid you know?â
 âno- well, it depends. did I know they were hanging out? yeah, I was there with them half the time. did I know by best friend is now apparently a slut? thatâd be a no.â you try to sound as nonchalant as you can. if the both of you start panicking, well, the pancakes definitely wonât be made. âwhat did you even see?â
 steve groans in his seat at the table, shuffles around a bit, and hits his head against the wall behind him. âbyers was practically all over her.â you can hear the disgust in his voice. âit was just- they were⌠agh- right, hold on.â
 âyou sure they werenât just, I donât know- talking? friends do that too, you know.â
 when you hear him begin to move you turn, only to practically bash your body against his. âwoah- hey now. hot pan behind me, careful.â you move away, laughing a little to ease the sudden discomfort and begin to ladle batter into the pan.
 âok so-â harrington just moves closer when you step away. âif you picture me as jonathan, you as nanceâŚâ steve presses the side of his body against yours, leaning in to whisper in your ear, âwould you talk to your friends like this?â
 you freeze.
 âuh-â this canât be happening. ânot usually, no.â you whisper back.
 he moves away. you almost sway to get closer again but catch yourself.
 what the fuck?
 âthatâs what I though.â steve scoffs. âbet thatâs why she blew me off yesterday. too busy blowing byers to hang out with her boyfriend.â you snort.
 âyeah, alright. well, if you want-â you push a plate of pancakes towards steve. âwe can go confront her about it later- eat.â you drop a fork on the plate. âand if she says nothinâ, we can go bully jonny for an answer or something.â
 âjonny?â you hear steve whisper.
 âeveryoneâs gotta have a nickname, dweeb. syrups in the cupboard next to you.â
 âhey! what the fucks happening?!â you shout, running down the alley from which you could hear the, sadly, familiar shouts of nancy and tommy. âhey, hey nance what- what the hell? what- how did this happen?â you pant, wincing whenever you hear a fist connecting with a body.
 âsteve said- jonathan, stop! stop! youâre gonna hurt him!â nancy attempts to explain but quickly overlooks it in favour of attempting to move closer, and you quickly grab her by the shoulders to hold her back from the swinging fists, holding tighter when you hear police sirens.
 âguys! jonny, stop! you moron!â you let go of nancy when youâre certain she wonât try to move closer in favour of helping tommy pull jonathan away from steve, which becomes a much harder task than initially suspected when the teen just shrugs you off and tommy redirects to grabbing steve and running away.
 âI got this one!â one of the officers shouts, cuffing a bent over jonathan.
 âjesus, when steve said he had something planned with his friends, I didnât think it mean this- what the fuckâŚâ you place a hand over your forehead and lean on nancy who looks close to tears. âhey, hey nance. nancy, youâre ok, right?â you question, suddenly worried when she continues to stay silent.
 âyeah, yeah- what⌠what are you doing here?â
 âdidnât have popcorn at home.â which was true, but it didnât answer her question. âwhat are you doing here?â you redirect.
 âtommy said something, then steve said some stuff, christ. I donât even know how this happened⌠one minute they were just arguing and the next, well.â you nod.
 âwanna know the worst part about this all?â you ask, guiding nancy out of the alley and to the cop car jonathan was just placed in. âI didnât even get my popcorn.â this pulls a laugh from nancy, and you beam, glad to have at least cheered her up, however brief it was.
 the ride to the police station is silent. you ache to strike up a conversation but whenever you glance at nancyâs crestfallen expression the words die in your throat.
 when you reach the station, you and nancy are redirected to the nurse. since neither of you actually did anything apart from be at the scene of the incident, neither of you had to speak with the police as of right now.
 as the lady pulls a tray of ice cubes out of the freezer and a towel out of the desk drawer, nancy asks, âdo you think weâll be out of here soon?â probably. or at least, you hope so.
 âyou, yes. him, no.â she responds, âhe assaulted a police officer.â which is a fair point, and true. however, that police officer did get in the way of a fighting teen, of course he was bound to be hit.
 âwell, how long are you gonna keep him?â you question, glancing around at the decorations on the walls.
 âyou and her boyfriend have big plans, do you?â the lady asks, straight-faced. you choke on your spit.
 âheâs not my boyfriend.â comes nancyâs reply and you shake your head alongside her.
 âI think you better tell him that.â because thatâs gonna go down well with steve.
 at nancyâs confusion, the lady continues. âonly love makes you that crazy, sweetheart.â which was a sweet, albeit unneeded, sentiment. âand that damn stupid.â at least thatâs true.
 âyouâre a- youâre a wise lady, maâam,â you say before following nancy out of the room.
 jonathan looks about as pathetic as you had left him at the desk and as you round the table you pat his back, resisting the urge to ruffle his hair. the teen just came out of a fight, no point irritating any injuries he might have.
 âfound some ice.â nancy sits beside him, lifting the make-shift ice pack she was given to rest against jonathanâs face.
 the tense silence is broken by jonathan, âeverything ok?â you donât bother answering. with how theyâre staring at each other, itâs almost as if you donât exist.
 hm.
 âyeah. everythingâs fine.â is the lie nancy settles with because everything was most certainly not fine.
  how is it that steve might actually be right for once?
by the way your voice always matters in the fight against injustice. every single time you speak out against an injustice it matters. it sheds light on it. it empowers others to speak up. it matters
hello!! for the mini fic asks I would like to request D) subtle kindnesses, Roy siblings (any dynamic of your choosing!) <3
Hello! LOOK, this is neither a mini fic, nor probably what you wanted, haha, but I hope you like it regardless. <3
-
âCan I take your bag, sir?â
It takes Connor a minute to place the voice, to find the source among the crowd of staff lurking inside the doorway and briefly, he wonders if heâs come in the servantsâ entrance, which - - jeez, wouldnât that be embarrassing? Worse than the time he used the dessert spoon instead of the soup spoon at the Carnegie Weill Gala, or maybe not, given at least the only witnesses here would be the help, but then he casts his gaze up to the oakwood staircase, the gold-dipped chandelier, the ornately framed portrait of Carolineâs grandfather, and - -
Yeah.
Okay.
Not the servantsâ entrance.
He hasnât spent that much time at this particular house â one of the older Collingwood estates, and well out of London, located low on the rolling Cornish Coast â and honestly, heâd spent his last stay here drunk enough on the wine Carolineâs brother had brought up from Veneto that heâs not sure he remembers much beyond the bathroom anyway.
The thought makes Connor pick his duffel up off the floor, take a breath, inhaling the pungent smell of camphorwood and a log fire, somewhere in a room nearby, and, weirdly enough, the slightly saccharine scent of vanilla.Â
âAll good, seĂąor, Iâm gonna keep this one on me,â Connor says, stepping out of the way as one of the staff scrubbing at the floor inches closer to his shoes. âTrust me, I know how good the little hands in this house are at getting into things they shouldnât.â
The butler gives him a strained smile at that, and Connor canât help but laugh, even as two of the maids flutter past, one carrying a fax machine, the other rolls of paper, which feels - - positive? Maybe? He watches them disappear down the passage, chest oddly tight, and clears his throat, glances up, around, at the high arched ceiling, across the staircase, searching for anyone who isnât getting a paycheck. Finally, he figures he just may as well ask it.
âUh, is my dad - - â
âConnor! Youâve made it!â
Itâs Carolineâs voice, bright and loud, that bounces around the foyer, and Connor barely gets a glimpse of dark hair and narrow shoulders, a black draped gown like a Dickensian widowâs, before his throat dries and he bows his head like he did as a boy in Carolineâs ever simmering presence. He adjusts his bag strap, huffs a little at himself, reminds himself heâs not fifteen anymore, before forcing himself to look up as Caroline materialises at his side in a puff of tobacco and cinnamon-infused perfume.
She offers her cheek, and without a thought, he leans in to kiss it.
âLong flight, I imagine,â she says. âDo you want a drink?â
Connor blinks in surprise, glancing sideways at the grandfather clock down the hall, barely having struck midday, and says:
âIsnât it a little early?â
âSurely youâre still on American time,â she grins, waspish, tilting her head as she steps over one of the floor cleaners and starts down the hall, as clear an instruction as any to follow her. âAnd a good host couldnât let you drink alone.â
Stay Soft, Get Eaten 5k words. Succession gen fic. Set in 1987.
Send me mini fic prompts
Requested: could I request something with Connor and Roy!sibling? headcanons, a fic, literally anything I'm in love with their relationship and how much they love each other. I think a little sibling that loves Connor the way he deserves would be so good for him - anon
A/N: I love Big Brother Connor!!! He deserves the world đ Thank you for requesting my love! Hope you like it!! Feedback is always appreciated!!!! đ
Connor was ecstatic the day you were born. He thought he was done being a big brother, that his job was kinda done. Ken, Rome, and Shiv were grown up, they didn't think they'd need him anymore. Little did he know that you would be the closest to him out of everyone, that you would need him the most
Being a big brother is his favorite job in the world. He wasn't sure what being loved, really loved, felt like until Kendall was born. From the minute he could crawl, he followed Connor wherever he wanted. So did Roman. And when Shiv was born, he couldn't believe it. He'd always wanted a sister and now he had one. She was absolutely perfect
But you? You were his everything. Neither your mother or your father were all that interested, so the responsibility fell on him, not that he would ever complain. He loved it, even when you spit up on him. The other three were grossed out, hating to change diapers and getting annoyed with your crying, but he was more than happy to calm you down, sit with you, rock you back and forth, etc.
Your first words were his name, too, which almost killed him. Seriously, he still brings it up, he's so proud
He loved watching you grow into a toddler. You were a lot more fun. You could walk and talk and play. You loved when he got on the floor with you and played with you. He even dressed up with you when he wanted to play pretend, though mostly he was too tall for the costumes, so he made do with the hats and accessories instead
"Connor?"
"Yes y/n?"
"Why is the sky blue?"
"That's a good question. . ."
He takes you to preschool every day and tries to be there at pickup as much as he can. He loves to hear about your day, what you learned, who you talked to, what you played with, the snacks you ate, etc. He only gets more interested the older you get, when you learn about the planets and dinosaurs and you read all these interesting books. When school started, he was sad to see you go. You'd been his little buddy and suddenly you were all grown up
Every presentation, award, musical, play, game, show, everything he showed up for, front row with his phone out recording, cheering the loudest
He takes you camping, to the park and the movies, wherever you want to go. He thinks it's good for you to get out of the city
"Why doesn't dad ever come with us?"
"Pops is a very busy man. . ."
Connor is constantly sticking up Logan despite the fact that he's never really shown an ounce of love or attention towards either of you. He wants to protect you from that unloved feeling. He needs to, like he has with your siblings
No matter how small it seemed to you, it meant the world to him. Eventually you stopped inviting your mother and father, going straight to him. He'd tell the president to fuck off if it meant he got to spend a second more with you
He helped you with homework, staying up late at the kitchen table going over the same math problem again and again. He never got mad or frustrated, though. He'd take as long as you needed
You could do no wrong in his eyes. When you fought with Ken, when you argued with Shiv, when you pushed Rome, none of it was your fault. None of them could stand it
When you cried he was the first person you went to. When you got your heart broken for the first time, when you wondered why your parents even had you if they were never around, when you had nightmares as a child and when your worst fears came true, you cried to him
The older you got, the more distance you put between you and him. Kids strayed from their parents once they became teenagers, that's just how it worked. Still, he felt unprepared for the days when you wouldn't need him so much
He taught you how to drive and study with you before your test. You weren't very good, but you had no idea. He was ecstatic when you parallel parked the first time. He made you feel proud, even if at first it felt silly
He was there when you walked across the stage for your diploma for both high school and college, cheering the loudest. He made a rule that you'd call him once a week in college and you never missed it, not even once. You'd tell him about your friends, the parties you went to, to the people you were seeing. He wanted to hear everything
Everything you've accomplished, he couldn't be prouder
You go to his ranch as much as you can, enjoying the distance between you and your father. The older you get, the more you realize how he was never in your life and how much Connor was. It makes you sad, thinking he had to step up, take responsibility for his baby sibling. He is adamant that raising you was a pleasure, the best thing he's ever done
He has pictures of you everywhere. Of the others too, but mostly of you. You can't help but find them embarrassing
"I look like an idiot."
"You were adorable." He looks at them every single day, proud as ever
He visits you in the office, taking you out for lunch when he's in the city. He's the only one who doesn't work for your father, but he likes hearing about it from you. He can't believe how grown up you are, how adult you've suddenly gotten. It seems like just yesterday they brought you home. Now you had meetings and deadlines and your own interns to boss around
"Look at you, all grown up. I can't believe it!"
He's the first person you call when anything happens. When Kendall's gone manic, when Dad hits Rome, when Shiv seems off, when you're getting a promotion, a first date, anything and everything. He's always there to offer advice on how to handle the situation. He's been dealing with them far longer than you have
You show him how to use social media so he can see the pictures you post, not wanting to miss out on anything. There are lots of pictures of you and him together
"Who's that?"
"I'm kinda seeing them."
"That's wonderful! When do I get to meet them?"
Forget your mother and father, it's Connor you're worried about when you're seeing someone. They're never good enough for you. He quizzes them on everything, bordering on an interrogation. In the end, no matter what he thinks of them, he's happy you've found someone that makes you happy
You and him go on double dates with your partner and Willa, who adores you. She lovingly calls you Connors Baby. She's glad someone else loves him like he should be, instead of being used and ignored and neglected like the rest do
You're one of the most well-rounded, healthy, adjusted Roys to come out of the family, or as close as you can get, because of him
He always sits by you at family dinners and vacations, between you and Logan, hoping he can be the target for his anger if need be
When you drink too much he takes care of you, especially at weddings, and always saves a dance for you at the end of the night
"Thank you, Con."
"For what?"
"For everything."
You care very little for your father, but when he dies Connor is right there offering comfort. You were never close to him. You never got the chance to build a relationship with him, no matter how warped, like the others. Connor was your dad, you thought so for the longest time when you were little, your fathers day cards addressed to him instead of Logan. You're sad for your siblings who loved him despite it all
You're the only one to attend Connors wedding, cheering and clapping when they kiss. You wouldn't have missed it for anything
Connor has spent your entire life protecting you and for that, you will always be grateful. It's something you can never repay
Summary:Â grief is a natural instigator of reflection; Loganâs funeral forces you to look back on your own grief, and your relationship with Roman.
Word count: 7.3k
Warnings/tags:Â death of a parent (Logan Roy, readerâs mother), discussions of abuse (physical, emotional), grief and breakdown, mentions of addiction, depression and associated mental health struggles in a parent and in reader, implications of suicide, toxic and/or abusive familial relationships.
a/n:Â roman roy has a special place in my my heart. heâs awful, heâs product of his environment, I canât justify his actions, I love him, itâs confusing, I donât know. I binge watched all of succession in seven (7) days.
masterlist!
Youâre not sure how old you were when you first met the Roys, but you find it strange to think of time pre-Roman, pre-Roy, when you were free of proxy-politics, hidden slights and subtle digs. You must have been a preteen, maybe twelve. It would make senseâthe second summer after your father moved to New York, when he bought the house in the Hamptons. Your mother had stayed in London that summer, leaving you and your siblings to battle the sweltering Long Island heat alone with your father, who worked most of the summer anyway. Had it been the Sailing Club or the Golf Club where youâd first met Siobhan Roy? You arenât sure, but you remember the bathroom where youâd run into her, and how a five minute conversation had turned into five weeks of friendship. It had gone beyond that five weeksâeven when you got back to the UK, youâd found ways to keep in touch, and spent holidays together when you were in the same place; youâd grown accustomed to Kendallâs strange attempts at seeming âhipâ and cool, and Romanâs whining and jokes.
Weiterlesen
You see a post like this? Where OP might hurt/kill themselves? You hit that button that I circled
Hit that.
Click Suicide or Self-harm Concern
Yes.
Fill in the rest of it, and hit submit. The "content you reported" will fill itself in
Tumblr will follow up and help them.
This could SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE.
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note: for anyone who's read the previous 3 chapters before chapter 4 was released, I'm currently rewriting them so some time this week they'll be updated!
beta read by the darling @raelwrites
âenemies (?) steve harrington X reader, follows along with 'the bathtub'
[#: @fixtionlover + anyone else who'd like to be tagged let me know]
 It only took a handful of minutes for Joyce Byers to show up. Though youâre not surprised. If you found out your child was at the police station, was arrested, you were sure you would be arrested too with how fast youâd drive.
 During those minutes, you stared at Nancy and Jonathan. You couldnât help but entertain the ideas brewing in your head.
 But what if there was something going on between the pair. I mean, one look at them now and youâd figure theyâd been together for months if you didnât know better.
 Maybe you didnât know better. If Steve was so panicked heâd come to you... well. But the more you think, the more you realise youâd been around the two most all times they had interacted, to your knowledge at least. If anything was going on, surely, youâd have noticed, right?
 Joyce knocks you out of your head when she arrives. âHey. Jonathan? Jesus, what⌠what happened? Why is he wearing handcuffs?â
 âWell, your boy assaulted a police officer. Thatâs why,â One of the officers answered.
 Joyce wasnât happy. âTake them off.â
 âI am afraid I cannot do that.â
 Joyce wasnât happy at all. âTake them off!â
 âYou heard her. Take âem off.â Hopper backs Joyce. You muffle a laugh. Youâre pretty sure youâd find this exact dialogue in a shitty porno.
 âChief, I get that everyoneâs emotional here, but thereâs something you need to see.â That doesnât set you on edge, not at all.
 The box that the officers deposit on the desk 5 minutes later does, however. The rattle of ammo boxes, a gun, a fucking bear trap.
 âWhat is this?â Joyce questions, disbelief in her voice, as she sifts through the contents.
 âWhy donât you ask your son? We found it in his car.â Hopper replies, walking closer to the desk. You look over at Nancy with a confused furrow to your brow. She looks away.
 âWhy are you going through my car?â Jonathan accuses.
Hopper leans over to stare at Jonathan directly. âIs that really the question you should be asking right now?â he moves back. âI wanna see you in my office.â
 âYou wonât believe me.â
 âWhy donât you give me a try?â
 It seems, however, the other Hawkins residents had been going through similar frights as you had, because Hopper doesnât even look that confused when he looks at the super-sized photograph of the monster.
 âYou say blood draws this thing?â
 âWe donât know,â Jonathan replies.
 âItâs just a theory, Barb- she cut herself that night, we think she mustâve bled and attracted it,â Nancy continues, and you hadnât heard about this theory before so youâre definitely missing something.
 Joyce throws Jonathan a look and the pair stand up. You quickly inhabit Jonathanâs abandoned seat next to Nancy.
You donât even wait for the door to close behind Hopper before you ask, âRight. Fill me in, please? Because whatâs up with that box oâ horrors back there?â
âWhen- when you were with Steve⌠me and Jonathan, we went into the woodsâŚâ She trails off, quiet, and you can feel your stomach twist.
 âOh my god- are you okay? what happened? You shouldâve come found me! or, like, called at least.â
 âYeah- yeah, I am now⌠itâs alright. Jonathan took me home, I- sorry, that I didnât call. Jonathan- weâŚâ When Nancy pauses, your throat tightens. That was when Steve saw them together, wasnât it?
 âYou, you didnât⌠like, get with him, did you? You had all night to ring, you know.â
 âWhat? No! no, no, noâŚ-â Nancy grabs your hands. âI just, well, I- I saw⌠it, that, that thing- the monster in the photo.â Sheâs whispering now, voice shaking along with her hands.
 âAnd- and youâre okay now?â
 âI think so⌠Jonathan- he, he stayed with me, made sure I was ok. It just- calling you just slipped my mind, Iâm sorry.â Your stomach drops a little.
 You pull her into a hug. âItâs okay, âm glad youâre ok, at least. Itâs okay.â You whisper into her hair.
 If you say it enough, it might even come true.
 Nancy just holds on tighter.
 When Hopper fails to talk you into going home, unable to disagree with the fact that youâd already seen too much to not involve yourself, and when you follow Nancy into the backseat next to Jonathan, you had resigned yourself to the fate of never having a normal life again.
 Between interacting with Steve and coming out the other side unscathed and learning about government conspiracies and monsters in Hawkins, youâre not actually sure which surprises you more.
 âDo you have any idea where he might have gone to?â Hopper throws the question out, but you can barely keep track of where Nancy is these days, much less her kid brother.
 âNo, I donât.â Neither can Nancy, it seems.
 âI need you to think.â
 âI donât know. We havenât talked a lot. I mean, latelyâŚâ
 Joyce tries this time, attempts to prompt Nancy, âIs there any place that your⌠your parents donât know about that he might go?â
 Again, Nancy canât answer.
 Youâre glad that your family isnât as active in your life as other peopleâs are. The constant fear that something might happen to your friends is enough to have you on edge. If you had to factor in family? Unimaginable.
 âI might,â Jonathan says, âI donât know where he is, but I think I know how to ask him.â
 âAnd howâd you figure that?â you ask.
 âWalkie-talkies. Will had one. I can bet Mike has his with him too, wherever he is.â
 Hopper pulls up to the Byersâ residence and before the car can even come to a full stop, Nancy and Jonathan have already hopped out. You stumble along with them and almost trip over your feet when you walk through the front door.
 Furniture askew, books everywhere, lights hanging like vines.
 âDonât you think itâs a little early for christmas dĂŠcor, guys?â
 Nancy elbows you but she looks just as surprised.
 When the group piles into Willâs room, youâre greeted by even more lamps and general disorder. Somehow, Joyce manages to find the walkie-talkie.
Nancy takes it from her instantly, sitting on the bed next to Joyce and turning the walkie on. âMike, are you there? Mike? Mike, itâs me, Nancy.â
 Static. You hold your breath.
 âMike, are you there? Answer. Mike, we need you to answer. This is an emergency, Mike. Do you copy? I need you to answer.â
 Static. You gnaw at your lip.
 âWe need to know that youâre there, Mike.â
Static. You clench your eyes shut.
 Hopper grabs the walkie from Nance. âListen, kid, this is the chief. If youâre there, pick up.â
 Static. Your hands shake.
 âWe know youâre in trouble and we know about the girl. We can protect you; we can help you, but you gotta pick up. Are you there? Do you copy? Over.â
 Static. Your heart sinks.
 âYeah, I copy.â The voice of Mike Wheeler cuts through the static. âItâs Mike. Iâm here. Weâre here.â
  You relax into the wall, boneless in relief.
 âWhatâs taking so long?â you break the silence. âThey should be back by now, right?â your leg bounces. It was night, Hopper had left with the daylight.
 Suddenly, car lights flood the driveway and tires crackle on the gravel.
 The four of you pile outside after a beat, and Nancy jogs to hug her brother. âMike. Oh, my god. Mike!â he stands, a little perplexed. âI was so worried about you.â
 âYeah, uh⌠me, too,â Mike says, though itâs not very convincing.
 âIs that my dress?â When Nancy asks, you take in the remaining faces. Lucas and Dustin, obviously. But the girl you donât recognise. She must be who everyone kept referring to, then.
 When everyone is seated at the table and introduced to each other, Mike starts to draw on a sheet of paper.
 âOkay, so, in this example, weâre the acrobat. Will and Barbara, and that monster, theyâre this flea. And this is the upside down, where will is hiding.â He flips the paper so that everyone can see. âMr. Clarke said the only way to get there is through a rip of time and space.â
 âA gate.â Dustin elaborates.
 âThat we tracked to Hawkins lab.â Lucas continues.
 âWith our compasses.â When Dusting is met with blank faces, he explains, âokay, so the gate has a really strong electromagnetic field. And that can change the direction of a compass needle.â
âIs this gate underground?â Hopper asks.
El answers, âYes.â Itâs the first time sheâs spoken since arriving.
 âNear a large water tank?â
 âYes.â
 You look over to Hopper, baffled. âHow do you know all that?â
 âheâs seen it,â Mike answers.
 âI-is there any way that you could⌠that you could reach Will? That you could talk to him in this-â Joyce croaks out, and you canât begin to imagine how tough it must be. To know Will is alive, but still be unable to reach him.
 âThe upside down,â El finished.
 âDown, yeah.â
 El nods.
 âAnd- and Barb? Barbara, can you find her too?â Nancy asks.
 El smiles.
 Static. You stay silent, watchful.
 The lights flicker.
 El turns looks out at everyone, tears in her eyes. You bow your head.
 âIâm sorry.â
 The chair scrapes obnoxiously when you stand.
 Fuckfuckfuckfuck.
 âW-whatâs wrong? What hap- what happened?â Joyce asks.
 âI canât find them.â El starts to cry, and you can feel your own eyes water.
 âSo thatâs it then, huh?â You sniffle, ânothing else we can do?â your eyes follow El as sheâs shown the bathroom.
 âUh- well-â Mike calls your name, draws your attention, ânot exactly. Whenever she uses her powers, she gets weak.â
 âThe more energy she uses, the more tired she gets,â Dustin continues.
 âLike, she flipped the van earlier,â Lucas says.
 âIt was awesome.â
 âBut sheâs drained,â Mike explains.
 âLike a bad battery,â Lucas adds.
 âIs there no way to recharge that battery?â you ask.
 âNo, we just have to wait and try again,â Mike answers.
 âWell, how long?â Nancy asks before you can.
 âI donât know.â
âThe bath,â El says, making both you and Joyce jump at her quiet appearance. âI can find them. In the bath.â
 Sometimes, you were glad for the involvement of police. With the speed that the car was going to reach Hawkins Middle School, you were sure had any cops caught you, you wouldâve been pulled over.
 Having Hopper around made breaking laws quite fun.
 You were divided into little groups, each having a different task. Hopper and Jonathan went to get the salt; Mike, and Nancy the hose pipes; Joyce was with El getting her ready, and you were hauling a heavy tied up swimming pool across the floor of the gym with Dustin and Lucas.
 When you had managed to roll the pool to the centre of the court, you went about untying it and spreading it out.
 âCome on. itâs upside down,â Dustin says. You laugh, otherwise you might cry again.
 âNo, this way.â Lucas twist and unravels his side of the pool.
 âHow does this even work?â
 âTry that side.â
 âSon of a bitch.â
âHey!â you exclaim, whirling around to face Dustin, âwatch the language, teeny bopper. Youâre like 10, how do you even know that?â
 âIâm 12!â
 âTry that side.â Lucas interrupts your argument. âPull it back. Pull it back.â
 âI am!â
 âOne, two, three.â At three, you let go of the pool sides and the thing collapses.
 âShit!â both you and Dusting shout. You say nothing about that.
 âIâm guessing itâll stay up when filled, right?â you tank on the pool sides once more. âI mean, itâs- itâs gotta. If this doesnât workâŚâ you trail off, huffing when the pool once again collapses in on itself. âThereâs always the actual swimming pool,â you mutter dejectedly.
 You three go back to spreading the pool, lifting the sides, hoping.
 âAha! We did it- step back, step back,â Dustin calls, and the doors open to Nancy and Mike wheeling in the hose pipes, followed by Hopper and Jonathan with the salt, and Joyce with El.
 You move over to Dustin as Mike drops two ends of hose into the pool, and as water starts pouring in, you clap Dustin on the back lightly. âYouâre a genius.â
 âThanks -,â he says your name, âbut without Mr. Clarke, we wouldnât have known how to do any of this.â
 You grin. âBut without your idea we would still be at the Byersâ, grasping at straws.
 Dustin grins back.
 âColder!â Lucas shouts, holding the thermometer in the steadily rising water. âWarmer!â he shouts again. âRight there!â and the water stops.
 Once the temperature was fixed, Hopper and Jonathan begin to cut open the bags of de-icing salt, pouring them one by one into the pool.
 âHow much was it we needed?â you ask Dustin.
 âHold on,â Dustin says, crouching to open the carton of eggs by his side. When he places one in the water and it sinks, he calls out, ââTill the egg floats.â
 With that, you walk over to the bags and grab one, tearing it open with the knife Hopper passes you over the pool, throwing the empty bag into the pile.
 When you look over at Dusting and see that the egg he placed in the water bobbed on the surface of the pool, you drop the salt bag you had picked up with a sigh of relief.
 The walkie-talkie is set up on the trolley.
 Static.
 El takes her socks off and Joyce hands her duct taped goggles, guiding the girl into the pool when she puts them on.
 Almost the second she lays down and floats, the lights in the hall begin to flicker and then go out.
 Elâs breathing starts to quicken, and the lights flicker once again.
 âWhatâs going on?â Nancy whispers, looking around.
 âI donât know,â Mike answers.
 âIs Barb, ok?â You ask, âis she ok?â you tighten your hold on Dustinâs shoulder, hands shaking.
 âGone. Gone. Gone.â El repeats. Youâre frozen still.
 Joyce attempts to comfort her but she continues to repeat âgoneâ. With every agonising repetition of the word, you can feel your face slacken more, shoulders drop, hands quiver.
 âWill?â El asks, and you can only just hear her. Joyceâs words donât register through the buzzing in your ears.
 âHurry.â Comes from the walkie-talkie.
 El sits up in a panic. Everyone jumps back, and you quickly remove your grip from Dustinâs shoulder when the boy moves.
 âIâve got you,â Joyce comforts El, hugging her into her chest. âItâs okay. I got you. I got you. I got you, honey. You did so good.â You sort of feel like you might need a Joyce hug next.
 You donât get a hug.
 After a moment of reconciliation and sharing of information, you follow Nancy to the far wall. Reclining on the cold bench by the mural, counting the blemishes in the ceiling as you wrap your mind around what you witnessed. Nancy sits by your feet.
 When the door slams, you startle and look over to see Jonathan coming closer. He sits next to Nancy. You look back to the ceiling.
 âWe have to go bath to the station.â You hear Nancy say. âYour mom and Hopper are just walking in there like bait. That thing is still in there. And we canât just sit here and let it get them, too. We canât.â
 âYou still wanna try it out?â Jonathan asks.
 âI wanna finish what we started. I want to kill it.â
when roman said he's gonna do the funeral speech i just went "oh no..."
Yes, this is exactly what it looks like. (there are also a bunch of euro trash songs on there oops) these are just a bunch of songs i think kurt might also like ( áľá´áľ )âŠ
My personal fave on there: Fahradsattel (ofc)