WAIT. WAIT HOLD ON

Technoblade and hallucinations

I am very very new to the dream smp fandom, but can I just say that I love it? It’s fucking awesome. I just started watching canon two days ago, and I’m hooked, ladies and gentlemen. I have absolutely no idea what’s going on, but I’m hooked. 

I came here for a reason, though, not just to introduce myself, though that might be a good place to start. Hi! I’m strawberry frog, you can call me frog, or strawberry, I don’t care which, and I suffer from hallucinations, which is why last night when I stumbled upon the subsection of fanfiction where Technoblade has hallucinations, it made me cry so hard I called my friend up in a huff and a fuss and she thought I was dying. I was so happy. I was so happy, guys, I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. (Ha, I’m saying guys like I have an audience-- remember, kids, words are just for the void. Nobody knows me, and so long as I don’t know them they can’t hurt me.) 

Technoblade has hallucinations! Technoblade has hallucinations! Technoblade has schizophrenia in AUs, Technoblade has hallucinations and they cause him problems and they cause him paranoia and distress and all of the things that they cause me and it’s not just part of some half-assed trope where the hallucinations are just a false diagnosis and it’s really just magic powers, superpowers, supernatural influence. No. Technoblade has powers, sure, but the hallucinations aren’t his powers. They’re a side-affect, and a harmful one at that, and I have spent too many long nights hiding alone in my bed from monsters only I can see waiting for this. It makes me so happy, in that twisted, cruel way that being seen in distress strikes your soul like midnight church bells. 

My hallucinations are debilitating. I spend days awake at a time, simply hearing my best friend’s death cry on repeat and wondering if this time it’s real or if I’m being stupid again and wondering when it’s going to stop. Technoblade tries his best to drown out the cries for blood, I do my best to drown out my fucked-up delusions and the people I see in my side-view mirror who disappear when I look twice. 

I just. I want to know, how did a fucking minecraft fandom make me feel more seen that anything else I’ve ever consumed in my entire life? Please, somebody, tell me. I’ll even present my application for people to talk to me about it. 

See? Here: PROS AND CONS OF TALKING TO ME ABOUT THE DREAM SMP

pros: 

-I will love you forever

-I know basically like two things so you can explain everything to me in incredible detail and I will listen with great attention and interest and it will make you feel important

-Maybe I’ll write something for you one day

-I’m a lesbian

-I’m the funniest person I know

-I like Technoblade

cons:

-None that I foresee

So. Talk to me? 

bro this is so cool!! i love the lighting, and the watersplashes (??? idk what to call them) are god tier

new adventure

renaissance in the 21st century

love this

your online pets are worried about Y2K

Highkey was inspired n wrote some lyrics, hope you don't mind??? can't do melodies for shit but uhh i think this is nice for being written in 10 minutes lol

the scripture goes like this: be sure to fear God;

He is good. christianity and catholicism: creature,

holy, human. oh, joyous line. oh, joyous life.

arms up for celestial beings, divinity abound,

heart wide and smile big and the priest prays,

his hands in yours, and the church cross stands

before the sunrise, unbowed in the face of adversity

God's going to murder america and let me tell you why:

please, take a seat, you're going to need it, little bad guy.

God's going to murder america and let me tell you why:

sky's so high in montana, mountain cliff and clouds cry

God's going to murder america and let me tell you why:

the scripture goes like this: be sure to fear God;

He is good. christianity and catholicism: creature,

holy, human. be sure to conform, else they won't

accept you into the kingdom of heaven. oh, joyous.

joyous line, joyous life. arms up for celestial beings,

divinity abound in the farms i raised myself on,

sun setting on fields of my own making; conformity.

God's going to murder america and let me tell you why:

please, take a seat, you're going to need it, little bad guy.

God's going to murder america and let me tell you why:

sky's so high in montana, mountain cliff and clouds cry

God's going to murder america and let me tell you why:

the scripture goes like this: be sure to fear God;

He is good, and He'll kill you if you don't pray

in the morning, believe so much He sucks out your

soul. conformity in the face of adversity so you can't

fight back-- don't worry, it'll be alright, this is your

promise not to burn in damnation. don't make Him

punish you, don't be gay, don't question, don't worry

be sure to fear God because He put His roots in our

family's tractor and now if we don't listen and pray,

hearts wide and smiling, He'll send the priest to stick

a knife in our sister josie who went and got an abortion,

and be sure to fear God because He'll kill cousin georgie

who's not allowed to use the pronouns she (he) wants

and be sure to fear God because God is good; suicide's

not allowed in this land of divinity: conformity in the face of adversity. God is good, God is good, God is good.

God's going to murder america and let me tell you why:

please, take a seat, you're going to need it, little bad guy.

God's going to murder america and let me tell you why:

sky's so high in montana, mountain cliff and clouds cry

God's going to murder america and let me tell you why

Me, trying to explain my obsession with southern gothic and weird alt country: look I don’t know why, but if a song is acoustic, in a minor key, and about murder, god, or america, i just go absolutely batshit

I can be shaped by more than the things that hurt me

We’re not heroes. We’re from Finchley.

insp.